Huh?

I've been wanting to update, but just really wasn't sure what to say. Life has been chaotic, but nothing I can't deal with...psychotically.

I listen to my inner thoughts, and man...are they mean. But life in general has been a bit frusrating for the past few months, so I can't really blame myself.

Through out all the stress at home, I was also reflecting on why it's been so difficult and why I've been holding people at arms length. I believe part of my negative attitude towards people in general stems from the loss of some very close friends in the past few years. First it was my friend Hippo. I didn't realize, but she was a great friend to vent with. In addition to being a good listener and an empathetic friend, she was also great at discussing taboo subjects, our personal favorite topics were always sex, philosophy, and why the hell men can't (fill in the blank).

After she left, I had two good friends remaining. one lived out in the boondocks and we would have general fun. The only issue was that she wasn't very good with deep discussions. But that was okay, because I had one very close friend remaining...Sean.

Sean was someone I could discuss anything with. This is the kind of person you could relay some of your craziest notions, and he would say, "Me too!!" We spent many an hour just talking or playing Scrabble. Then he left...another state. I think I've received a total of three emails from him since he left. The last one quite a few months ago. (sigh)

So top that with some stressful events in life and you have a very stressed and lonely Onyx.

I'm managing. Like I said, I still have some good friends, but they're busy with their own lives, and I can't quite blame them if they don't want to get involved in the insanity that is my house lately. I'm not quite sure what to do with this revelation, I guess if nothing else it just validates my feelings.