I actually have several things I should be excited about.
A potential new job is one of them. However, my old boss is laying on the guilt hardcore about it. She says she doesn't begrudge me an opportunity, but... I have a 2nd interview this week. I hope I do well.
I made a proposal to Toastmasters yesterday and that went over extremely well. I'm now in charge of updating the arizona toastmasters website. Which I was excited by, but since Sunday morning I've just been in a funk.
These feelings just come out of nowhere. I was actually doing well until Saturday night. Then overwhelming feelings of loneliness just swamped me. These feelings used to come much more strongly. At least they aren't nearly as bad as they used to be.
I do appreciate my roommates/friends. Yesterday morning I just didn't want to get out of bed. They knocked on my door, harrassed me, then gave me breakfast and coffee in bed. Of course, after that scene, I had to drag my butt out of bed and be social. It's not them I'm grumpy with, just my life in general. Okay, my social life in general.
I think it started when something brought to the forethought of my mind that's it's been a year since I separated from my husband. A year. A year without someone to share with, a year waking up lonely in bed, a year going to sleep without someone, a year without someone to hold me, a year without making love to someone.
I do try to fend off these thoughts. I am a very finicky person when it comes to dating, however quite frankly no one has asked me. So I start wondering what's wrong with me. I wonder how much longer life will be like this. I try to resign myself to thinking that there may never be another in my life. (Especially if all that is left out there is married men and schmucks).
This morning I woke up with a sore shoulder. It intensely desires to be rubbed. I could go to a masseuse, but that takes money I just don't have right now. It would be nice to have someone to just massage it, to hold me, and tell me all those supportive things I need right now. Especially the old standby..."You'll get through this."
2 comments:
Darling... you need time and your heart needs to heal. Remember that even though you have been separated for a year, you just got divorced. When you are ready you will know. And when you are, lets go out as two single girls and score some boys! Hang in there. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I am so here for you.
Sorry, you aren't feeling great. I haven't been lately either. I've basically been hiding in my apt the last week or two.
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