What more could I want?

I guess you go through a period of reevaluation of everything in general when you go through a traumatic experience. But in running an errand tonight, and taking in the beauty of the weather, I realized that all my life I've spent wanting more than what I have. Some of these wants were warranted, and others maybe, not so much.

However, at this point in my life, I had to ponder, "What more could I really want?"

Part of this was instigated by my thinking on dating right now. I had one potential before everything happened with my mother. When she entered the hospital and I saw that this visit was more involved than all the others previous, I told him I would not be able to see him anymore. Then when my mother passed, I made a conscious decision not to date for awhile. (I'm afraid that intentionally or unintentionally I'll end up in a serious relationship just to be with someone. In my fragile emotional state, I could end up in a very bad situation.)

However, after thinking about it some more, I realized, that being the kind of girl that's constantly on the prowl or looking for a suitor, is just not me. I don't want to spend another moment of my life being depressed over not having someone to date, or cuddle, or be physical with. 

I know some people who read this might think of this in a shocked manner. However, this wanting is not healthy. At all. 

I have everything I need in life right now. Why would I spend another moment in my life sullen over a situation I can not control? Why do we feel like we're incomplete if we don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/spouse in our life? It's a nice additional benefit to life, I won't deny that. But it's not necessary. Like winning the lottery. I'd be happy if I won it, but I'm not going to be depressed for a week when I lose and the next numbers are called. 

This also applies to all aspects of my life. Why would I want for anything at all? I have a comfortable home. Wonderful friends. Good family. A satisfying job. What more could I really want?

So I've made a mental resolution to not want anymore. I will focus on the areas of my life that are fulfilling and that I can control. Such as my performance at work. My Toastmasters goals. And spending more time with loved ones, including personal time for myself. 

I will be stronger person. I will be that woman I once was. Proud and dedicated and happy.