Seriously need to stop mixing my blogs...

And who in the heck is reading this? :-) I checked my stats and I saw a lot of hits. Odd. Well whatever floats your boat lol. If your going to read it, I'll give you a better update. 

As a...ugh...36 year old mother of one. I'm in a very stressful yet extremely happy part of my life. I have a significant other who loves me and respects me and treats me as a desirable person. However, due to our current financial situation is very stressed out because he has to watch our child and work at the same time. Which I am horribly grateful for. 

I'm struggling, as most people do, to find a balance between mom, girlfriend, and individual. I feel like individuality right now is at the sacrifice of my own boyfriends free-time. Both of us feel guilty whenever another goes out. 

I feel I can improve at my job, but lack the motivation at all. I went from being the best in my company to being the floundering newbie. And I'm not sure if it's because of the culture or my ineptitude. It's definately been an interesting experience though and I have learned a "few" things. 

I'm struggling with my weight. I've lost a few lbs, but still haven't really restricted myself and taken the dive. I know friends that are doing fantastically and it's all because they put their whole heart into it. 

I guess thats what I struggle with most. I don't put my whole heart into anything lately. I just half-ass it. But I don't have the time to whole-heartedly do everything. So I really need to reprioritize. 

Whew! Well I guess next I will attempt to reprioritize and set my schedule. I really need to finish 7 Habits. Bleh.

Really? 7 Days??

Okay, time to focus up. Choose one or two and prioritize:

My main concern is my professionalism at work and my family's health right now. Okay, and money. Ugh!

So...

Family health: I will be proactive and prepare healthy meals. If I won't be home, it's time to crockpot.

Money: Start sticking to the daily budget. No exceptions.

Work: Start looking at your requests through your requestors eyes. Give them what they want + 20% more.

Catchup

Okay, it's been awhile. So much has happened. We've moved, fixed the car, taken care of some finances, lost poor Pookie. Stress is boundless right now. So I believe I need to add some "me" time or stress relieving habits to my list. Time to revisit again:

• Love and respect for all people: Been getting somewhat better at this. Been more patient and forgiving with Will. I notice I still need to listen more and really get involved in those around me. The stress has taken away all my energy and focus, but I think it's time to get involved again. Action: Look at the person who is talking to you and reiterate what they said slightly varied. Get excited for them.
  
• Patient and appreciate life: Goodness, patience is a big one for me lately! I am so impatient with everyone and everything. I'm not sure why when what am I rushing for? I need to just relax and enjoy. Even home has been a flurry of clean, clean, clean. Action: Redo schedule to focus on relaxing and enjoying and less cleaning.
• I am healthy and my family is healthy: I've been cooking at home more often and eating better. However, I really need to focus on making a menu and sticking with it. Action: Make a menu with breakfast, lunch, and dinner on Saturday, and make sure every meal has a vegetable and fruit. Focus on diabetic friendly meals.
  
• I am passionate and enjoy life: I think I've been getting better at this too. Not making excuses to stay at home. Been going out with friends more often. I think we'll take more of a direct approach for this one. Action: Take pictures of everything!
• I am professional and creative at work: Another difficult one. I'm finding it hard to get really excited about work. I'm in this fog and getting very close to talking to a therapist or doctor about it. Need to focus again and stay sharp and enjoy work. How do I do this? Action: Develop mission and goals for work. Get focused. Review 7 Habits.
  
• I am proactive in dealing with conflict: Need to refocus on this again. I was doing so well and then finances went in the crapper. Action: Schedule time to call debt collectors. Avoid email and voice mail for communication.
  
• I have my finances under control: Weelll, budgeting has gotten better. Spending has not. However, in the past three months we have spent $2500 on a DOC Band, $3800 on a new engine, $900 (minus 400 from Will) on a rental car, XMas spending, ~$400 on moving expenses, $130 on a dryer....so yeah. I supposed I can give us a little leeway on that one. Action: Stick to budget.
  

And most importantly...review this every day. That really is the most important step.

I did it!

I mustered up my courage and finally called on a creditor that I was so dreading. Of course, now I have to do this a couple more times, but finances are much better in check. Perhaps I should pull out cash for each week, to ensure we don't go over.

So let's review all the goals today:

- Love and respect for all people: Well I have been trying to be less nagging and more respectful of Will and Ricky. I still need to work on it though. My exhaustion is affecting my overall interactions with people and I need to relax and enjoy life better. Next step: Make eye contact with people more.

- Patient and appreciate life: Oh goodness, well I suppose Riddles does help me work on my patience. However, I need to be more patient and relaxed in general. Perhaps this is the goal I should focus on next.

- I am healthy and my family is healthy: Well, I have been cooking more often as well as trying to get Ricky to eat healthier. I love that man and want to spend as many years possible with him. next step: menu planning.

- I am passionate and enjoy life: Yeah, need to totally work on this one. Especially after the move. I have not been thoroughly enjoying life like I should. Perhaps I'll arrange a date night with Ricky. At least we get to go out St Pattys Day.

- I am professional and creative at work: I have been improving in this area, however I really need to get out of this fog I have and focus on details. Maybe I can Google some ways to accomplish this.

- I am proactive in dealing with conflict: Yay! Actual improvement here. Still need to make a couple of calls, but working on this and doing well.

- I have my finances under control: Since dealing with conflict has been better, so has finances. Yay! Should be doing much better in a month or so!!

So next steps: (wow, this is really working)
- Enjoy life ultimately. Try to make things more fun and actually interact with people more. Take an interest in them. No talking about you or Riddles until you've talked about 3 different subjects with them.
- Cook at home 5 days out of 7 of the week. Doesn't have to be elaborate, just healthy. Must include at least one veggie.
- Find a way to better budget flexible daily spending.
- Find a way to get out of the fog at work. Check and double-check. Take your time.

Weight: 191.4
Mood: Sick

Well I've had a sore throat over the past few days. Not sure when it's actually going to hit me, but considering I gained less than a lb over the weekend, I'm okay with it. I ate all my extra points for the week so it should be loss from here on out. Especially with moving. I'll be so glad when the next two weeks are over and done with.

Goals, what goals?

Actually I am doing better in these.

I've been calling and talking to Wells Fargo, the repair shop, the utility places. I'm getting it all done. Not to mention really trying to focus and get things done at work. I think I've been doing better with that too.

"I have my finances under control including debts, savings, and have the ability to budget to travel twice a year with my family."

Good Lord! I'm doing the best that I can with this. I have kind of put off talking to people but only because I'm waiting to hear about Wells Fargo. That changes the whole game plan. But I do have one.

"I love and respect all people I interact with."

I feel like I am getting better with this. The girls are coming over tonight so I'm really going to focus on having a good night with them.

Reschedule my life

I think I've actually gotten better on my goals. Although, I need to step it up now. I've been doing bare minimum and I could be doing much better.

For example, in regards to my family's health, I need to step it up and exercise, and cook. I did quit smoking, lord help me, but now it's time to make some more changes.

I also need to keep a better house and stay on top of those finances.

I can do this. I know I can. Especially if my LO can manage to stay on schedule at night now. I can do a once a night wake up and accomplish what I need to accomplish during the day.

Going to kick ass this month

Deviating from my usual goals...well not really. Because I'm dealing with conflict and not procrastinating.

Things I need to do:
- Get the 401k withdrawal approved to pay towards the 3.5k car fix. Process that as quickly as possible and ask the mechanic to wait for the $$ before starting repairs.

- Pack like crazy. Which means trying to find boxes everywhere including UHaul.

- Notify the previous landlords we'll be out on the 4th. Notify utilities that we need a setup. Pay all deposits and rent to new landlord.

I'm gonna take care of this LIKE A BOSS. And take care of my men at the same time. Booyah!

Goal Update

What I Appreciate:
- I appreciate that I have a job
- I appreciate that I have an issue eating less not more
- I appreciate my supportive family and friends

Goals:
I am healthy and support my family in being healthy through cooking, activities, and going to the doctor when needed.

From now on, it's South Beach for me and my family.

What I Appreciate

I appreciate the fact that I have the money to pay off my debts.

I appreciate the fact that I have a boyfriend who is understanding about having less money while we take care of everything, even if he is stressed.

I'm appreciative of the fact that i have the opportunity to get better at everything I do.

I appreciate having friends and family that enjoy being with us.

I appreciate that my life is really a whole lot better than I actually think it is.

Shoot...

Been kinda busy I guess. Okay, let's focus!

Okay, I'm picking this one:

"I am proactive in dealing with conflict and problems."

I am horrible at this. So, I'm making a task(s) right now. I will call my financial issues and resolve them. Friday. Tomorrow damn it.

I guess that goes along with this one:

"I have my finances under control including debts, savings, and have the ability to budget to travel twice a year with my family."

Okay, those are some big ones. I'll talk to Ricky tonight and figure out what can be done. Bleh!

Man!

I really need to work on this one:

"I am patient and appreciate every moment of every day."

I completely blew up on Ricky yesterday for upsetting my sleep schedule with Riddles. Being so tired affects everything I do (and don't do.) So time once again, to work on my loving and forgiving skills.

"I am healthy and support my family in being healthy through cooking, activities, and going to the doctor when needed."

Seriously need to work on this. Riddles is not on a meal schedule. I'm only watching calories and I have not cooked for quite a few days. Between Rickys practice, Riddles poor sleep schedule and my work/packing the house, I'm exhausted. Perhaps I just need PMA. Anyway, need to work on a schedule.

Work Related

I have the opportunity to really shine, however I fear that i will do this project and then my boss will negate all my hard work with an update of his own. *sigh*

Anyway, had fun last night with the girls, however had to put Riddles down and finish work. However, I focused on dinner conversation and also on conversation after. Will need to focus on getting my work done early after I get the art of mastering it on time. I can do this!

Focus for today:

"I stick to budget voraciously. I do not spend money without checking my budget first."

Of course Ricky blew that out of the water with his spend fest last night. And we bought Riddles his bumblebee. But I reviewed finances and we're back on track. I just need to pay bills and adhere to a budget today (through next paycheck.)

"I drink water every day. I no longer smoke. I track my calories on MFP and stick to my diet. I do not eat without tracking it first."

Water. Got it. Going to refill my bottle right ....now.

Goooaaaalllllssss

I seem to be doing pretty good with them. I've been packing/cleaning for an hour once a day, sticking to my weight loss, doing better with interacting with people in general, and getting better feedback from my boss.

I however, need to be better about confronting people when in an uncomfortable position. This Thursday is a perfect example. We're meeting our new landlord about the animals and I'm highly worried about it. Not sure why I can't just put my feelings aside about it, but I'm highly nervous. Why? Not sure. Perhaps I need to think these things through and play my empathy card. I know the guy is probably worried about it, but I doubt he thinks we're trying to get one over on him. And I need to stop trying to cater to everyone. I need to start listing out things mentally in my mind what I will and won't do.

So on to what I will work on today:

"I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend."

Tonight is GNI (girls night in) and I really need to focus on enjoying time with my girlfriends as opposed to thinking about what needs to be done around the house. I'm very bad at being distracted. Need to focus tonight.

I also need to focus on Ricky. I haven't gotten to spend too much 'un-tired' time with him and I need to focus on the fact that he is amazing and I need to do everything in my power to make sure he's happy with us. Not to mention the fact, to enjoy him and his body wholeheartedly.

"I am professional and creative at work. I always strive to excel through knowledge and creativity."

I ahven't been to tek-tips lately. I think I'll visit today.

So tired...

For some reason it's very hard to appreciate or fully enjoy anything when you are heavily sleep deprived. However, here it goes:

• I love the fact that although my SO and I can argue at 2 in the morning on how to raise our child, once we've gotten past the hard part, we joke and make up realizing that the stress is not part of our relationship and we love eachother more than that.
• I love the fact that my SO doesn't even hesitate to help out with Riddles, jumping out of bed when I tell him it's "his turn" at 2 a.m.
• I love the fact that my boss gave me an interesting report that I'm enjoying doing analysis on and that I may have finally grasped a process to help me put these together.

I am proactive in dealing with conflict and problems.

• I need to research and find out best methods to get Riddles to sleep especially while we're going through all this.
  
• I also need to get off my butt and start packing. I need to realize that friends will be over, but I have 29 days to get everything together.
  

Damn bread!

Weight: 192.2
Mood: A little frustrated and super tired

Riddles was up from 2-4 this morning. Both Ricky and I tried to get him back down but it took forever! Thinking he's going through his next developmental leap. Oh joy.

Anyway, that bread took its toll. Gained .6 and not happy about it. I'm sure I can get down to 190 by Saturday though. At least I've managed to reduce my plateau to 192 as opposed to 195. Yay!

Feeling Better at Work

My boss assigned me another report and he sounded confident about my skills, so I'm feeling a bit better. Need to now be professional and creative about it. Best way to go about that is sit down and draw out what I need. I really need to bring a notebook in. This would help immensely.

"I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend."

I think it's time to focus on this. I'm so distracted by everything that needs to be done. Ricky even asked if I still found him attractive today and I feel horrible about that. It's just that I'm so exhausted and taking care of Riddles by the time I get home. I know I haven't felt sexy lately too so that doesn't help. My sex life is non-existent compared to what we used to do. I need to realize that my relationship is by far more important than all the stuff I have 'to do'. And focus on taking care of it first in addition to really feeling passionate about things again. I'm sure at this point it's just me being tired.

So much for doing this in the morning...

Well I do feel a little bit better about my professionalism and creativity at work, however I still have a lot of work to go. I feel foggy and apathetic a lot of the time, so I really do need to get motivated. Same for a lot of areas in my life. Probably pretty much just from being exhausted all the time.

So I guess I need to work on not being exhausted. Good luck to me with that with work, the baby, and the move coming up. I'm thinking the key word here is delegation. Just need to figure out what to delegate. Will has been an immense help as well as Ricky. So just need to keep on top of that.

I actually cooked yesterday and intend to more often. However, enough of how I have been doing, lets get to my action plan...

Most importantly I really need to focus on appreciate being in the moment and appreciate those around me.

Ricky is a great example. I find myself continuing criticizing or judging, and it's really more of a reflection of my inadequacies than anything else. That boy really does try his best to be a great boyfriend, friend, and father. He's fantastic with Riddles and he helps always without complaining at all every time. He has faith that Riddles can do things I don't even think of.

Will is another good example. Yes, there are things that bug me but honestly who doesn't have quirks that annoy the hell out of you? Fact is Will is there quite a bit when we need him. He may slip on some things, but if I were to ask him outright he's pretty good about helping out.

I just need to make sure everyone in my life knows they are appreciated and needed.

Reporting

I am professional and creative at work.

I am going to kick ass at creating my gift card report. I'm going to build a nice, concise summary that makes sense and reflects the negative and positive aspects of this product. I can do this.

As a side note, I think it would be a good idea to address these goals BEFORE the start of a day. That way I can tackle things such as drinking water.

Goal Check

I am healthy and support my family in being healthy through cooking, activities, and going to the doctor when needed.
Weight and dieting has been ridiculous. I have stayed the same except for yesterday in which I gained .5 lbs because I splurged on a burger and fries and corn. I think it's time for a fasting to reset my body.

I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend.
Tonight we have a show. Will has agreed to watch Riddles tonight and I have a great tendency to want to stay at home tonight. However, I'm going to let go. Talk to Vicki on the way to the show, and kick back and relax and enjoy my friendships and my relationship tonight. Ricky called me out on being on my computer too much the other night and he's right, I will be spending less time looking at a screen and more time actually interacting with people.

Stop and Smell The Roses
Well, a lot has happened this week. I'm glad we could figure out a way to move. I do love to organize and clean. Riddles has actually broken a tooth and is doing pretty well with it. We have an action plan to address finances. And Ricky and I actually had sex last night even though I had not anticipated it at all.