Thank God for friends

When I woke up yesterday, I was an emotional mess. I didn't want to talk to anyone in fear that I would start bawling. So, rather than handle my emotions like an adult, I avoided my roommates except for a few curt words indicating that I was still going to work and get a move on.

I rushed down to my car, started the engine, and then avoided eye contact as both of them walked down. R, the male roomy, plopped down in the car and started asking questions you'd expect him to ask. "Are you okay? Are you sure youw ant to go to work? Talk to me."

I drove up to our work and was fully expecting to drop him off without our usual morning cigarette before heading off to QT. But he gave me that look that said I wasn't the best person to be making my own decisions right now. So, I parked the car, got out, and plopped myself on the bench.

I couldn't look him in the eye, so I bowed my head down avoiding social interaction, but at the same time berating myself for being such a bitch. Then he sat down next to me, and started cracking jokes. He tried everything within his power to try to get me to cheer up. It was a pitiful attempt, but it worked.

So I continued the rest of my work day in a mix of emotions. I received a text message from my ex that they were taking grandma off life support. Then two hours later that she had passed. At this time, I bundled up my stuff and walked outside to ponder life and kill my lungs.

The other roommate, K, at that time called me. She had already cancelled her plans for that night to spend time with me. Popular opinion was that I was best not left alone and for once, I wholeheartedly agreed. As soon as she got to our work, we hopped in my car, got dinner, then headed back home.

At this point I was numb. I wasn't sure what to think or feel.

After we arrived home, all hell broke loose. K would crack a joke, then I would continue it. By the time R got back home, we were giggling like schoolgirls and all maudlin thoughts were gone for the moment. I was laughing so hard, I was almost crying.

Later that night, both of them admitted that they were worried about me. They had stayed up last night worried that I would be okay. In the morning, K had searched the apartment making sure I had gotten home okay. Just knowing that made me feel a lot better.

I still feel like I'm on a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. At this point, there is no logic behind what will set me off. I feel the tears welling up sometimes, but for today I'm able to control it a little better.

Tonight we're supposed to go to a bar with R's family. I'm going to get stinkin drunk and perhaps sing grandma one last song.