Discouraged

Just when you think things can't get any worse...

Okay, maybe it's not that bad. It's just finances. Seriously, I work hard for my money. But supporting my ex is killing me.

He told me that he got paid today, but it's only enough to cover one utility bill. Or half of one utility bill and something else. A bit discouraged by that.

I found out his new job is selling cars. So, who knows how much will be coming in. I'm thinking at best the same amount I'm getting today, twice a month. At best, who knows. If he sells cars well (which quite honestly, he's always been a good salesman), then hopefully things will improve until the house sells.

I really don't want to give up on this house. I'm probably being stubborn, but it's hard to just throw away something you worked so hard for. I need to stop getting frustrated with myself too as I really didn't do anything to put myself in this situation (other than be a doormat), but I refuse to punish myself mentally for being a good samaritan. It's just not within my nature.

Okay, time to get proactive and positive:

5 things to appreciate
1. Even though things seem insurmountable, things will get better. He'll be getting some pay, which is better than the $0 I have been getting from him.
2. Nothing stays the same. Something is bound to happen to improve.
3. I am not without options. Although I'd rather not have to make these decisions, I have several options open to me, from severing all ties and saying screw it all to taking out a house loan and paying a whole bunch of stuff off.
4. I have been practising my guitar a lot more lately and making progress. I can play two songs (very slowly) now and starting to learn my third. This is something I've always wanted to do and now I am acheiving it.
5. Actually, I could say a few things here. Not all things are bad in my life. I have great friends, my family, a good home, a good job. My health...sorta...need to start excerising more. But then again I need to stop saying 'shouldas' too.