I really needed that...

It's been a rough time.

I've been overloaded with work and Toastmaster's stuff. I mean, we're talking almost mental breakdown overloaded.

Because my workload has been so full and I haven't been able to accomplish much, I've been feeling a bit like a failure. A failure to myself, a letdown to others. I hate feeling this way.

Only in the past couple of days, has this started to alleviate. I caught up at work...somewhat. I had a good discussion with my boss. I took my time going home today, and figured out my mess of finances.

As I was sitting, trying to make some progress with Toastmasters stuff, I get a text message. It's from my brother.

Long back story...when my mother adopted my brother (along with an unwilling stepfather), he came from a very rough life already. Top that with an uncaring adoptive father and a sick mother...well, he's had a rough time. Immediately after they adopted him, my family moved to Maryland. I didn't speak to him for years. I knew how rough it was, but there was nothing I could do miles away.

When my mother divorced my step-father, she took my brother with her, but they moved in with my grandmother and discipline became top priority to both of them. I felt bad for the poor guy. He's always been a good kid in bad circumstances. Between my mother's helplessness, my grandmother's frustrations and some very bad peer influences; he had it very difficult. However, at this point I was dealing with a rough marriage and no matter what words of advice I gave the matriarchs of my family, they insisted on ruling with an iron fist.

When he moved in with my aunt, she was almost the complete opposite. He continued to get into trouble, yet displayed great talent musically. He showed his intelligence and caring only to those few who showed no judgment and kept mostly to himself.

Eventually he moved out on his own. I breathed a small sigh of relief hoping that on his own, he would feel a bit of freedom and finally be able to take responsibility for his own actions. Yet, I always felt immense guilt not taking a larger role in my brother's life. I was assigned the role of older sister and therefore guardian, and failed miserably.

Before my mother went into the hospital, we exchanged phone numbers and from time to time, I would receive a funny text message or two. When she went into the hospital, I was the one to call him. And to my surprise, it was in me he confided his guilt over not crying over my mother's death.

Since that day, he still text messages me questions and just quick hello's to let me know he's alright, but tonight...

Tonight, I received a question about relationships and finances. I gave my honest opinion and tried to stay respectful to his relationship. Towards the end, it went like this...

My brother: "Thanx! Ur good at givin advice!"

Me: "No problem. I'm flattered you'd ask"

My brother: "Well I trust u and uv never let me down!"

Enter one very stunned Onyx.

Of all the things anyone has said. Of all the things he could have said.

...