So tired...

of everything really. Work is frustrating. My relationship is frustrating. Everything else is exhausting. 

On the bright side, I came to a couple conclusions:

(a) All this time I've been thinking about hiring cleaning help really matters. I allowed myself to fantasize for a brief moment what life would be like if my bathrooms were clean, my trash emptied, my dishes washed, my floors swept, and my laundry done. Seriously would be so worth it. I can't afford to right now, but I warned SO that in five months, it's as good as done. 

(b) I spend way too much time worrying about food. So crockpotting is the way to go. I can not worry about wasting time buying food and prepping it at night. If I just plop it in the morning, it'll be ready by night no matter what our plans. And it's healthy. So done with trying to scramble around and eat poorly.

(c) I am not failing as a mother. When I came home from NYC it's like my eyes and ears opened. I started noticing that he was using words in association with things. Not sure why, but Rio is associated with 'nuh' and he mimicks barking. He also was able to understand how a sticker works tonight. I do believe he may be at that age where I can reinforce NOT to eat things. 

(d) I seriously need to stay focused at work. Which means no FB, no internet. And yes, my boss is not a very good one. He's friendly and smart, but he does not give his employees the support and recognition they need to flourish. So I need to find other ways to flourish. I've always thrived on recognition and thanks. Not gonna happen here. Perhaps I need to recognize myself? Maybe share wit colleagues? Maybe find an alternative way to feel fulfilled?

(e) My FB mommies really are a great source of encouragement. I've been so zombified these past months. I finally reached out with a real problem and they were great. I need to take time and focus on them too. They really are a great source of advice. 

(f) I do not spend enough time with my friends. I may be older and wiser, but they are living life. I enjoyed spending time with Sabrina this weekend. It was nice to get out and do stuff. However I need to reach out even further. I had fun, but not too much. I need to push my boundaries to feel again. Like I said, I've been zombified and I need to experience feelings and emotions again. 

I'm not gonna push this. I'm going to take my time and refocus on getting better. The only thing I know for sure that I need to do right now is journal and try to figure out what to do by baby steps.