Okay, so I got some things done at work and at home, but I'm disconnected from everything and tired. Tired and bored. I'm not happy. And neither is Ricky.
Well happy is somewhat subjective. We're happy, but we're still missing something. Perhaps the better description is we're happier than we've been but not as happy as we could be.
Why? well boredom, stress, knowing what we used to have. It all seems to have dissipated along with the energy the kid has sapped out of me. Actually, now I reflect, perhaps it's not the kid. Perhaps its my job. There is very little at my job that I actually enjoy and nothing I look forward to. The last time I actually enjoyed my job, I was working on making the split tests more friendly. But that was a short-lived moment.
Now I'm sitting at work, bored and fearful. Yesterday I had a large report not unlike the one I fucked up before and thus between my boredom and my fear, I didn't give it my 100%. I got it right, just not great plus I missed something. So the big questions are...
- What would it take for me to get excited about work again?
- What would it take for me to get excited at home?
- What's truly important in my life? Is there other ways to accomplish the things I'm worried about but that aren't as important?
- How am I limiting myself by making excuses that my baby needs me? What would I do if I didn't have to watch Riddles?
Man, I wish I could just fix this in a matter of seconds. But it's gonna take time to figure this one out.
3 comments:
Try being a stay at home wife. It is what I'm doing and it has been good for me and my marriage http://stayathomewifeandwriter.blogspot.com/
If you can afford it, it is well worth it.
Thanks! I would love to, but we really can't afford it. Too much debt, plus I make the most money. I'll check out your blog though. :-)
Ahh okay. Well thanks :) I'll be reading your blog, too!
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