Man!

I really need to work on this one:

"I am patient and appreciate every moment of every day."

I completely blew up on Ricky yesterday for upsetting my sleep schedule with Riddles. Being so tired affects everything I do (and don't do.) So time once again, to work on my loving and forgiving skills.

"I am healthy and support my family in being healthy through cooking, activities, and going to the doctor when needed."

Seriously need to work on this. Riddles is not on a meal schedule. I'm only watching calories and I have not cooked for quite a few days. Between Rickys practice, Riddles poor sleep schedule and my work/packing the house, I'm exhausted. Perhaps I just need PMA. Anyway, need to work on a schedule.

Work Related

I have the opportunity to really shine, however I fear that i will do this project and then my boss will negate all my hard work with an update of his own. *sigh*

Anyway, had fun last night with the girls, however had to put Riddles down and finish work. However, I focused on dinner conversation and also on conversation after. Will need to focus on getting my work done early after I get the art of mastering it on time. I can do this!

Focus for today:

"I stick to budget voraciously. I do not spend money without checking my budget first."

Of course Ricky blew that out of the water with his spend fest last night. And we bought Riddles his bumblebee. But I reviewed finances and we're back on track. I just need to pay bills and adhere to a budget today (through next paycheck.)

"I drink water every day. I no longer smoke. I track my calories on MFP and stick to my diet. I do not eat without tracking it first."

Water. Got it. Going to refill my bottle right ....now.

Goooaaaalllllssss

I seem to be doing pretty good with them. I've been packing/cleaning for an hour once a day, sticking to my weight loss, doing better with interacting with people in general, and getting better feedback from my boss.

I however, need to be better about confronting people when in an uncomfortable position. This Thursday is a perfect example. We're meeting our new landlord about the animals and I'm highly worried about it. Not sure why I can't just put my feelings aside about it, but I'm highly nervous. Why? Not sure. Perhaps I need to think these things through and play my empathy card. I know the guy is probably worried about it, but I doubt he thinks we're trying to get one over on him. And I need to stop trying to cater to everyone. I need to start listing out things mentally in my mind what I will and won't do.

So on to what I will work on today:

"I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend."

Tonight is GNI (girls night in) and I really need to focus on enjoying time with my girlfriends as opposed to thinking about what needs to be done around the house. I'm very bad at being distracted. Need to focus tonight.

I also need to focus on Ricky. I haven't gotten to spend too much 'un-tired' time with him and I need to focus on the fact that he is amazing and I need to do everything in my power to make sure he's happy with us. Not to mention the fact, to enjoy him and his body wholeheartedly.

"I am professional and creative at work. I always strive to excel through knowledge and creativity."

I ahven't been to tek-tips lately. I think I'll visit today.

So tired...

For some reason it's very hard to appreciate or fully enjoy anything when you are heavily sleep deprived. However, here it goes:

• I love the fact that although my SO and I can argue at 2 in the morning on how to raise our child, once we've gotten past the hard part, we joke and make up realizing that the stress is not part of our relationship and we love eachother more than that.
• I love the fact that my SO doesn't even hesitate to help out with Riddles, jumping out of bed when I tell him it's "his turn" at 2 a.m.
• I love the fact that my boss gave me an interesting report that I'm enjoying doing analysis on and that I may have finally grasped a process to help me put these together.

I am proactive in dealing with conflict and problems.

• I need to research and find out best methods to get Riddles to sleep especially while we're going through all this.
  
• I also need to get off my butt and start packing. I need to realize that friends will be over, but I have 29 days to get everything together.
  

Damn bread!

Weight: 192.2
Mood: A little frustrated and super tired

Riddles was up from 2-4 this morning. Both Ricky and I tried to get him back down but it took forever! Thinking he's going through his next developmental leap. Oh joy.

Anyway, that bread took its toll. Gained .6 and not happy about it. I'm sure I can get down to 190 by Saturday though. At least I've managed to reduce my plateau to 192 as opposed to 195. Yay!

Feeling Better at Work

My boss assigned me another report and he sounded confident about my skills, so I'm feeling a bit better. Need to now be professional and creative about it. Best way to go about that is sit down and draw out what I need. I really need to bring a notebook in. This would help immensely.

"I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend."

I think it's time to focus on this. I'm so distracted by everything that needs to be done. Ricky even asked if I still found him attractive today and I feel horrible about that. It's just that I'm so exhausted and taking care of Riddles by the time I get home. I know I haven't felt sexy lately too so that doesn't help. My sex life is non-existent compared to what we used to do. I need to realize that my relationship is by far more important than all the stuff I have 'to do'. And focus on taking care of it first in addition to really feeling passionate about things again. I'm sure at this point it's just me being tired.

So much for doing this in the morning...

Well I do feel a little bit better about my professionalism and creativity at work, however I still have a lot of work to go. I feel foggy and apathetic a lot of the time, so I really do need to get motivated. Same for a lot of areas in my life. Probably pretty much just from being exhausted all the time.

So I guess I need to work on not being exhausted. Good luck to me with that with work, the baby, and the move coming up. I'm thinking the key word here is delegation. Just need to figure out what to delegate. Will has been an immense help as well as Ricky. So just need to keep on top of that.

I actually cooked yesterday and intend to more often. However, enough of how I have been doing, lets get to my action plan...

Most importantly I really need to focus on appreciate being in the moment and appreciate those around me.

Ricky is a great example. I find myself continuing criticizing or judging, and it's really more of a reflection of my inadequacies than anything else. That boy really does try his best to be a great boyfriend, friend, and father. He's fantastic with Riddles and he helps always without complaining at all every time. He has faith that Riddles can do things I don't even think of.

Will is another good example. Yes, there are things that bug me but honestly who doesn't have quirks that annoy the hell out of you? Fact is Will is there quite a bit when we need him. He may slip on some things, but if I were to ask him outright he's pretty good about helping out.

I just need to make sure everyone in my life knows they are appreciated and needed.

Reporting

I am professional and creative at work.

I am going to kick ass at creating my gift card report. I'm going to build a nice, concise summary that makes sense and reflects the negative and positive aspects of this product. I can do this.

As a side note, I think it would be a good idea to address these goals BEFORE the start of a day. That way I can tackle things such as drinking water.

Goal Check

I am healthy and support my family in being healthy through cooking, activities, and going to the doctor when needed.
Weight and dieting has been ridiculous. I have stayed the same except for yesterday in which I gained .5 lbs because I splurged on a burger and fries and corn. I think it's time for a fasting to reset my body.

I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend.
Tonight we have a show. Will has agreed to watch Riddles tonight and I have a great tendency to want to stay at home tonight. However, I'm going to let go. Talk to Vicki on the way to the show, and kick back and relax and enjoy my friendships and my relationship tonight. Ricky called me out on being on my computer too much the other night and he's right, I will be spending less time looking at a screen and more time actually interacting with people.

Stop and Smell The Roses
Well, a lot has happened this week. I'm glad we could figure out a way to move. I do love to organize and clean. Riddles has actually broken a tooth and is doing pretty well with it. We have an action plan to address finances. And Ricky and I actually had sex last night even though I had not anticipated it at all.

Eating Healthier...check!

I did eat two apples yesterday. And a lot of black beans. Hmmmm, which reminds me. I was going to fast today, but I think probably eating healthier would just be better. Good thing I'm revisiting my goals.

So...I think perhaps the best way to tackle this is to select a goal and focus on it for the day. I will also tackle my rule of being more appreciative.

Goal: I am professional and creative at work. I always strive to excel through knowledge and creativity.

Well I suppose I can work on this by achieving all my goals for today even though I have to leave at 4 pm. I will work on a game plan before coding and creating. I will also contact the requestors.

I will also communicate more with my teammates and coworkers today.

Goal: I am patient and appreciate every moment of every day.

I am ecstatic that Pete called us and we can finally resolve the house issue. I am happy that I have been getting back on task with my own tasks. I am appreciative that Will helps out with Riddles. I am appreciative of the fact that I have friends I can blow off steam with. I am appreciative of the that that although I am not losing as quickly as I'd like, I have lost and been keeping off that weight. I am appreciative that I have a boyfriend that put up with my attitude. :-)

Appreciating what I have

I have set a reminder for me to "stop and smell the roses". I will set it for every couple hours throughout the day to remind me to stop and appreciate what I have and live in the moment.

So....

I'm appreciative of my boyfriend who stays at home and watched our baby every day. Without him we'd be wondering what Riddles life is like at daycare and he surely would not have been brought up in an amazing environment full of love and attention.

I'm appreciative that I have the ability to try out working in a fast paced environment to see if I like it and I have what it takes. I'm fortunate enough to have worked my way up to have a job in the field I chose and money to support my family.

I'm appreciative that rather than sticking myself in the same group of people, I sought change and now am meeting and have the opportunity to build relationships with different people who are driven and passionate about their work.

Mission and Goals

Okay, so I need to have a better way to track and accomplish my mission and goals. Not to mention I really have not had time to read and update lately. So why not do mission and goals and accomplishments here?

Mission (What I Achieve To Be)

To be an awesome and passionate girlfriend, mother, friend, worker, and overall person.

Objectives (How I'll Be That Way)

• I love and respect all people I interact with.
  
• I am patient and appreciate every moment of every day.
  
• I am healthy and support my family in being healthy through cooking, activities, and going to the doctor when needed.
• I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend.
  
• I am professional and creative at work. I always strive to excel through knowledge and creativity.
• I am proactive in dealing with conflict and problems.
  
• I have my finances under control including debts, savings, and have the ability to budget to travel twice a year with my family.
  

Action Plan (How I Intend To Get There)

• Each day I write down what I appreciate about the people in my life and my situation.
• I set a reminder to "stop and smell the roses" every day.
  
• I drink water every day. I no longer smoke. I track my calories on MFP and stick to my diet. I do not eat without tracking it first.
  
• I cook 5 out of 7 days out of the week.
  
• I aggressively schedule and follow through on doctors appointments for my family.
  
• I visit friends and family weekly.
  
• I go out of my way to make all my friend and family feel accepted and loved and interesting.
• I do whatever it takes to get my projects done on time and professionally.
  
• I stay on top of current events within my field.
  
• I do not procrastinate and deal with people verbally or in person.
  
• I stick to budget voraciously. I do not spend money without checking my budget first.
  

I know this seems like a lot to bit off and chew but if I revisit this each day and make tasks, I know I can accomplish my goals!

What would people say at my funeral?

It's a very morose topic, however very appropriate for Covey's 7 Habits.

So you should choose several people...I chose: R-SO, J-Boss, S-Friend.

R-SO
"A was the most important person in my life. She was there for me in good and bad. I could always rely on her to cheer me up when things were rough and take care of whatever was worrying us. She treated me and everyone she knew with respect and passion. No matter what I did, she was always there to support me and Newt. She was a fantastic mother and made sure Newt felt nothing but love, acceptance, and encouragement from both of us. A and I were a team who took on everything together including raising Newt, managing Prague, and just having fun together. I'll miss her immensely. I love you A"

J-Boss
"A was an exemplary employee. She was excited to dig in and make sure that our customers not only got what they wanted, but what they needed. She was great at identifying opportunities for improvement and improving them. Because of her, we have a cohesive team that knows the data inside and out and develops new methods for pulling and reporting data every day. We've constantly used A's analysis for presentations and media spots. We'll miss her excitement and creativeness."

S-Friend
"The thing I loved most about A was her ability to always be there for everyone and respect everyone's uniqueness. A was always ready to jump in and have fun. If you needed anything anytime, she was always there. She could always give you great advice about anything in life and be there to support you no matter what decisions you made. If you needed to go out and have fun, A was your girl. But if you needed someone to stay in and just talk, she was there for you too. I'll miss you sweetie."

Proactivity

Some quotes from my 7 Habits book:

• Be a light, not a judge
• Be a model, not a critic
• Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
• Don't argue for other people's weaknesses. Don't argue for your own.
• When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it-immediately.
• Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation.
• If you start to think the problem is "out there", stop yourself.
  

So I'm really going to start working on my PMA. Stop judging and getting frustrated and work on better ways to respond to events and people. Really start thinking about what it is that I'm getting frustrated about and see if there is an alternative.

First day of South Beach

Weight: 201.4
Mood: Slightly aggravated, but optimistic


Why? Well I had hoped (although not expected) that I would be at least slightly under 201.0 (my weight from yesterday). However, I feel a few things MAY have influenced this small jump: I fasted Tuesday, therefore probably making my body hold onto any food I had the next day, I did not exercise, I had a lot of salt in my meals, and I did not drink as much water as I should have. 


I'm hoping it is one of these things. Plus I realized that at least for the morning I did not stick to the lowfat meats and cheeses. So I'm going to try to stick  with that today. 


TODAYS MENU
Breakfast:Yogurt, cream cheese and celery, coffee w/ creamer
Lunch: Caesar salad w/ chicken, edemame, carrots (?)
Dinner: Turkey burger, edemame, Caesar salad dressing


MFP says I need to eat more calories. If I don't lose from today, I probably will bump them up even though I didn't feel hungry yesterday and I don't plan on starving myself today. We'll see...

Circle of Influence

We are responsible to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances. -- Stephen R Covey

I definitely need to take on this mentality. Although I feel in control of my circumstances, most of time is spent working on things so they'll be better in the future. I don't spend much time in the here and now making things better.  I make a lot of excuses for any reason why I'm not happy today or right now. "Once I pay off my debts...", "Once I lose my weight...","Once I get a new job..." I'm spending way too much time not working on what I can influence now.

One thing I have started working on is my weight. I fasted Monday and feel great. I started the South Beach diet and feel better and sexier.

Although, yes, it's going to take some time to work out things financially, I need to identify what will make me and SO happy with what we have today.

My job is clearly within my own power to achieve. I know what's holding me back and I'm working on improving those. I feel the analysis I just put together was much better than ones I have been creating. My only drawback right now is my communication with my customers and also my ability to query efficiently. I can and will improve those areas starting tomorrow.

I really need to look at what is going on in my life and tackle them. Therefore, at this moment I will sign off and spend some time with my SO...

Ta, ta for now!

I guess it's been awhile

Trying to get better about posting but I have a blog for eating and for Riddles, so...yeah. Busy times.

Haven't had the chance to read, but I think I'm improving with work and at home. Of course, I have a cold right now, so all things considered, I'm doing okay.

Problem is I think I focus too much on things that aren't as important, like cleaning house or doing work, and less on things that are, like spending quality time with my SO and also listening and talking to him. That's my goal for this week. To really focus on my relationship. I think we get so focused on picking up towels or sharing the workload or managing finances that we forget about the truly important things sometimes, like focusing on what's truly important to our loved ones and providing that.

Negative Attitude

When did this happen to me? When did I get so lethargic, apathetic, and lazy?

I've had a lot of changes in my life, but notably in my professional life, I just don't give a damn anymore. Of course, some of this stems from the utter exhaustion I had at my last job. I was damn good at what I did, however ended up so busy I almost had a breakdown.

So I left that mess, and ended up at a competitive company as small fish again. The first few months went okay, and then my frustration over several things made me apathetic and slow.

Now, I have a lot of things going on (as usual.) I have a new baby to take care of, the boyfriend and I are working through some issues (making progress) and focusing on spending more quality time together, I have a messy house, a messy body, and to top it all off, I have a career to deal with.

I just need to get back into a groove again. Get motivated. Get moving. I've been trying to for awhile but it felt like each time I 'thought' I made progress, I took two steps back. Not sure if this is what I want to do anymore, but regardless it IS what I'm currently doing so I need to get moving and get organized and get motivated.

Ugh.

Reading

I have two things I'm reading right now and I intend to comment on each of them every day. Sort of a way to get me to think, but also act.

First book is The Female Fat Cell - Post Pregnancy (FFC-PP).

From what I've read so far, I really need to embrace my body and appreciate it for all the wonderful things it's done for me. Of course, every day I probably curse my body. But I only seem to be focused on the weight right now. I do have to say that I am skinnying up, without the weight loss. I can tell my body is changing almost daily. However, I still have a goal of fitting into my old clothes (which may never happen, but a girl can dream.) Yes, I love my body. It gives me pleasure with my boyfriend, it feels delicious to sleep or take a warm bath, it still moves for me and has amazingly taken quite a bit of abuse from me. Actually I think at this point I have two goals really. First to lose 20 lbs. Sorry, not going to give that up. And 2ndly to feel good again. I'm tired and achy all the time. I need to focus on healthy eating and exercise to get past that. So I guess first action, is to love the skin I'm in. I need to see myself as sexy again regardless of my size.

2nd book - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (7H)

I've already posted on this book and will be posting more shortly. I have been attempting to remind myself to be proactive. I think it's working. My mind frame seems to be much better and less negative lately.

Be proactive

So in my relentless pursuit of constantly trying to improve myself, I've decided to read at night and during lunch, books and articles to help me further my intelligence and general happiness in life.

Who knows if it will help, but hey, a girl can try.

So at work, during lunch, I'm starting with an oldie but a goodie. "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". Now I've heard some counter-arguments to this author's many contributions to self-improvement however, what I've read so far seems to make common sense.

I'm on the first step...Be Proactive.

Essentially the idea is that I have control of my own responses to what happens to me. Which I am a FIRM believer of. Of course, trying to fight old habits can be difficult at times. Last weekend, after thinking I had made a tremendous amount of progress NOT blowing up, of course, I blew up. It was a situation in which I was frustrated and the same situation had repeated itself. Who knows, I may still be the fool in this circumstance, but what choice do I have?

Anyway, major tangent later, I do believe that I have the choice to feel however I feel. I think even down to being tired (which is a big excuse in my general demeanor) can be challenged. Of course, I would really, REALLY like some sleep right now, but my mind is bound and determined to keep me going (I've scheduled workout time tonight with a friend).

Bleh.

Anyway...next 60 days...be proactive, not reactive.

(Why do I feel that tomorrow will be a post on how I wasn't able to accomplish this and blew up yet again? Good thing there are do-overs.)