You ever had that period in your life in which everything just feels off kilter? You're self-esteem gets just a little bit lower, you're paranoid about everything around you? Your relationships? Your finances? Your dirty house?
I hate this feeling, and I seem to be engulfed by it lately. Some days I just want to bury myself under my bedcovers at home and ignore the world. My mind runs to all the things I should be doing or feeling.
I feel fat. I feel pimply. I feel unwanted. I feel messy. I feel lazy. I feel barren. I feel guilty. I think I've run the whole bad-feeling gambit this week. I know I've gotten out of these funks before, but heaven knows how I attempted it. I do believe part of it is my inability to lose weight. I seem to lose a little and then gain it right back again. I've been on this freakin plateau for about a year now, and it's really starting to get to me.
Then, of course, my mind drifts to children. And the thought of, "Do I really want them?" I mean, if I was really desperate to have a baby, wouldn't I have kicked myself into gear and stopped drinking caffeine by the bucket? Started exercising with more diligence? Stopped wolfing down red meat and cookies?
I have no self-control. And I really don't feel like an adult. Are hubby and I just going to end up being one of those couples without kids that everyone looks at and thinks are so shallow because they have the ability to take off at a moments notice? Have the nice house? Nice car? Quiet retirement? I mean, when we get old, who will we have to personally ignore us and make excuses?
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