Are how my thoughts are lately. My mind is nothing but chaos. Also, I've been so busy with my pals that I've got minimally done at home and on my comic strip. I should try to get one done tonight, but it's already 11 and hubby JUST told me he has a doctor's appt tomorrow at 7 a.m. Ugh!!
So...where are we at this very moment? I think my friend K put it best: mixed messages.
As I said, I do love my husband, I'm not sure I'm still IN love with him. As cliche as that sounds, it's pretty accurate.
He did get me roses. I called and thanked him and he acknowledged that and promptly hung up on me because he was in a meeting (forgivable). Then never called me back during the day (he used to call me like 11 times throughout the day...my coworkers and friends used to poke fun at the fact he was always calling me.) So still I try to put myself in the right frame of mind and drive to pick him up after work. I get there at 5:10 (10 minutes after he gets off work), txt him that I'm there and then he txts back, "k".
So I wait...about 20 minutes.Then he comes bounding out the door and says he was caught in "a meeting". Which I could see he was at his desk, but even if he was in a meeting he could have txt'd a quick, "be out late" to give me warning.
He then proceeds to try to act funny and affectionate, which I give him credit for the effort, but even as he's doing it I make my effort but my heart's not really in it. Which I will totally hate myself for being that bitch that feels nothing although the husband is trying his best to patch things back up.
Then I ask about dinner...he says he's not hungry...but asks me what I want...I end up having QT taquitos...we get home...he asks if I'm going over to RandKs...I say I don't know but have been invited...he encourages me (damn it for writing posts 5 hours after the fact because I really can't remember the exact way he propositioned it), but essentially he has encouraged me once again to go off and have fun without him. While he stays at home and plays games.
I freakin don't know what to do. I know he's making an effort, but I don't know for how long, and I don't have fun with him anymore, and my mind analyzes everything, and I end up feeling like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions followed by random trips on the mental carousal.
Thank God for the professional help I'm seeing tomorrow. I don't know if I can take this much longer.
3 comments:
I know what you are going through. Hang in there sis!
I know how you feel. I went through a big stage of falling out of love with my hubby too but it passed in time. I had to analyze why I felt the way I did and communicate with him about it. It was hard, but things are going well now.
I think it's only natural that you go through these stages when you're married, especially if you've been together a very long time.
yeah. A new comic!
keep up the good work dear, like many other things, this too will pass, and will leave you with a better focus at some point.
Markbnj
PS: there's a poem waiting for you at the automated poetry machine
Markbnj
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