Valentine's Day

It's always weird for me to post on blogger now, because I know my husband reads my blog. It's not that he reads it that is a bit disconcerting...it's the fact that he's an overanalyzer. I write in fear that something may be misconstrued or too read into.

But on the other hand, this is a time for getting to know eachother. I feel as I've been suppressing myself over the past 13 years in order to keep him comfortable and accepting of me as a wife, but I am a different person (I'm learning). How different? I don't know. But certain things I'm aware of now that I wasn't before. I'm editing myself less, doing and thinking of doing things I wouldn't have imagined doing before because I knew he wouldn't like them.

On the other side of the coin, I believe he's finding himself too. I think this seperation is a catalyst for change not only within our relationship, but also within ourselves. He is doing things that he never did with me. Poetry, art, cleaning. Seperated we are two totally different people.

Of course, it's only been a week. People do change in a small amount of time when something like this happens. We'll just see how much we stay changed.

Valentine's Day was nice. He picked me up around 7 and said all the plans had been laid out. We had discussed going out to dinner, but nothing much beyond that. I do have to give him props for handling dinner. He knew the resteraunt was going to be busy so he called in the afternoon to place the order we were to pick up at 7:30. When we got back to the house, he had the table laden with rose petals and candles. After finishing with our meal, we made the sudden realization that we had nothing to drink. So before heading out for some beverages, we exchanged gifts. I gave him a Relic watch. He gave me a few things that were wonderful (a cat book, a John Lennon book, a teddy bear) including a poem he had created and framed. He really put quite a bit of thought into it.

Afterwards we watched Lady in the Water and said our goodbyes. He's been giving me space, which I appreciate. For some reason this past week has been more about self-discovery than focus on the relationship. I hope he realizes that too. I hope that in the near future I can focus on the relationship, but for the time being I have to find out who I am, what I want and what I need, before I can say what I want or need from someone else.

Happy Valentine's Day