Not Sure...

well I guess of anything anymore. Having an emotional day today.

Yahoo Launchcast really should have a "Songs NOT about relationships" channel.

BTW, did a new comic but having problems with the homepage. Here it is:

A bit of a bad day

So this weekend, my roomy and I purchased new cars.



This is my little beauty. Isn't she adorable? 2006 Mini Cooper.

Anyway, yesterday didn't seem like an unusual day when I woke up. Little did I know....

All weekend long I was trying to track down a supposed check cashed on my bank account for $400. Had no idea where it came from. There was nothing I could remember cutting a $400 check for that hadn't already cleared. I had my suspicions.

So I called up the bank on my way to work. Come to find out that it wasn't a check. It was a withdrawal. I started to get angry and racked my brain on the off chance that perhaps I took out $400 and forgot. Nope. So there was only one other conclusion. My ex.

I called him three times. Then bitched him out. See...I have been paying mortgage on a house I don't live in, utilities for air conditioning, electricity, trash, and gas I don't use, a cell phone bill for a phone I don't talk on. After all these things I took care of for him, he took money from my (okay well legally our) account.

I bitched him up and down. He left me no money until my next paycheck, which is at least a week off. Then I promised him that I would be opening my own account that he would have no access to.

Get through that, get off work, go to the car dealership to get gas for my new car...and they tell me that the bank quoted the wrong payoff on my vehicle and I owe another $500 up front. Seriously?!? Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but I seem to have lost $400 overnight. So after stressing, I agree (because I love that car), sign the promissory note and head out.

Come home. Eat dinner. Have to work. Get a text message.

The ex lost a dog. WTF?

Thank God he found him later, but I've just about reached max patience with everything.

Well I have to go. Work to do. Hope this finds you all much better than me.

Freezing my ass off

But that is besides the point. I seem to be undergoing a slight metamorphisis.

My mind seems to volley back and forth between feeling alone because I'm not in a relationship, to not wanting a relationship until I can feel fine not being in a relationship.

However, I do seem to have this confidence about me lately. I'm somewhat single, in my thirties, successful, able to pay bills (even if a bit strapped at the moment). I'm fairly decent looking. Keeping my room clean. Have a nice new car (oh yeah, I got a new car...2007 Toyota Camry LE...love it.)

I was at my mom's the other day. My grandmother gave me a big hug and told me how proud she was of me. Me...the succesful career woman of the family now apparently. I kind of twitty-headed on that one.

Me? Successful? Career-woman? You mean like all those grown up women I see in the movies and on television? Wait...let me think this over.

Nice job? Check.
Good pay? Check.
401K and insurance? Check.
Nice car? Check.
Good hair and manicured nails? Check.
House? (Hmmm, check yet uncheck)
Good friends and fun times? Check.

Anyway, taking stock off my life, I realized that I finally made it. I'm a thirty year old woman, settled in her career, just enjoying life now that I've worked all that time to secure myself a comfortable living. I work. I've taken up guitar. I go out with friends. I'm somewhat settled in my ideals and opinions. And I'm just enjoying all I worked for.

Not sure where else I'm going with this other than to say, "Thank God, ma. I finally made it. I can finally relax."

Looks harder than it is

I was laying in bed the other night, tons of thoughts drifting in and out, and somehow I started to think about death. I was thinking how much easier it is now that she has passed. I wondered why that was and immediately came to the conclusion that it was the dying part that was so difficult. Death, in itself, was the easiest part to get through.

She didn't suffer for long. She was in the hospital for about two months. After the surgery, it was only a couple of days until she passed. It was sitting there, watching her, seeing her fragile and hooked up to tubes and monitors, that was so difficult.

As a christian, I never understood grieving over the death of a loved one. Certainly not wanting them to suffer would be acceptable...but as a christian, isn't death supposed to be a joyous occasion? This is the time we've all been waiting for. Being reunited with loved ones, no suffering, answers to all the big questions.

Her funeral is this Saturday. It'll be an awkward occasion to say the least. All of my in-laws will be there. I feel mixed emotions about it. The funeral is really more for the living than the dead. She's already passed. What lays in the coffin is nothing but a shell.

The selfish part of me doesn't want to go. But the logical part of me knows I have to. I have to show my respect. Give my condolensces. Talk to people I haven't talked to since I left my husband. If anything, it's just a show. Any words, any feelings I have towards my grandmother-in-law could be said or done from anywhere.

This may sound callous. But I'm not an emotional person. Well, except for fear. I do fear going to the funeral. I fear the uncomfortableness of it all. The inability to find the right words to say to people. Knowing that when I go up to the coffin, I'll want to talk to her but most likely won't because I don't want anyone else to be involved in the conversation I have with her.

So what I would probably say on Saturday, but won't, I'll say now:

"Although you were a grandmother-in-law, you will always be my grandmother. I wish we could have spent more time with you. Wish we could have given you the time and care that none of us seemed able to give. Thank you for treating me as part of the family. Thank you for never looking at me as an outsider."

Thank God for friends

When I woke up yesterday, I was an emotional mess. I didn't want to talk to anyone in fear that I would start bawling. So, rather than handle my emotions like an adult, I avoided my roommates except for a few curt words indicating that I was still going to work and get a move on.

I rushed down to my car, started the engine, and then avoided eye contact as both of them walked down. R, the male roomy, plopped down in the car and started asking questions you'd expect him to ask. "Are you okay? Are you sure youw ant to go to work? Talk to me."

I drove up to our work and was fully expecting to drop him off without our usual morning cigarette before heading off to QT. But he gave me that look that said I wasn't the best person to be making my own decisions right now. So, I parked the car, got out, and plopped myself on the bench.

I couldn't look him in the eye, so I bowed my head down avoiding social interaction, but at the same time berating myself for being such a bitch. Then he sat down next to me, and started cracking jokes. He tried everything within his power to try to get me to cheer up. It was a pitiful attempt, but it worked.

So I continued the rest of my work day in a mix of emotions. I received a text message from my ex that they were taking grandma off life support. Then two hours later that she had passed. At this time, I bundled up my stuff and walked outside to ponder life and kill my lungs.

The other roommate, K, at that time called me. She had already cancelled her plans for that night to spend time with me. Popular opinion was that I was best not left alone and for once, I wholeheartedly agreed. As soon as she got to our work, we hopped in my car, got dinner, then headed back home.

At this point I was numb. I wasn't sure what to think or feel.

After we arrived home, all hell broke loose. K would crack a joke, then I would continue it. By the time R got back home, we were giggling like schoolgirls and all maudlin thoughts were gone for the moment. I was laughing so hard, I was almost crying.

Later that night, both of them admitted that they were worried about me. They had stayed up last night worried that I would be okay. In the morning, K had searched the apartment making sure I had gotten home okay. Just knowing that made me feel a lot better.

I still feel like I'm on a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. At this point, there is no logic behind what will set me off. I feel the tears welling up sometimes, but for today I'm able to control it a little better.

Tonight we're supposed to go to a bar with R's family. I'm going to get stinkin drunk and perhaps sing grandma one last song.

My grandmother-in-law dies today

I had no clue. Apparently she's been in the hospital in serious condition for about two months now. A few days ago, she went through surgery. However, after the surgery her vital organs have been slowly shutting off one by one.

Yesterday afternoon, I received a text message from my (ex)husband. He told me that she's been on life support, but her wishes are not to take any extra measures to keep her alive. So the family has been keeping her on life support until everyone can say their goodbyes.

Late last night, I finally found out what hospital she was at. It was about half an hours drive, which at 11 p.m. was fine. Well semi-fine. Half of the trip there, I was in tears. And doing 80. I kept thinking to myself how ironic it would be if I crashed the car and instead of one death this week, there would be two.

I got to the hospital and my (ex)husband, his uncle, and niece were already at her bedside. She had all kinds of tubes going in and coming out of her. I must say though, I've seen a lot worse. The hospital was nice as well as the staff.

It was awkward being there with the ex's family and the ex. He kept on looking at me, and while I wanted to give him consolation I was in no position to give it. Grandma woke a few times. Everytime she opened her eyes, her son and granddaughter rushed to the bed. This happened about five times. I let them say hello to her, as they flew in from Seattle and I live only an hour's drive away. I wished she could have seen that I was there though. There was no, "and your other grandson and granddaughter are here." While I know it wasn't time for pettiness, I just wished one of those times he could have made a half turn and mentioned we had both visited.

At one point, they all went to the cafeteria, while I offerred to watch grandma. I rubbed her hand and looked at her nails. The nail polish had mostly rubbed off, and all I could think was, "I wish I could paint her nails right now. She loved getting her hair and nails done."

Clasped in her hand was a picture of her late husband. Years later and her dying thoughts are of reuniting with her loved ones. It was beautiful. Oddly enough I think her consolation will probably be ours too. Her clasping that picture tightly is an indicator that she's ready. She's not afraid. That she believes she's going somewhere better.

When my ex returned, I bade my farewell. Had I stayed any later I would have run myself off the road from exhaustion. On the way home, I was rolling down windows, blasting the a/c, and shouting out street names, just to keep awake.

My roommates had called earlier around 11. I had texted them back a few times later in the night, but received no responses back. I really hadn't expected it. It had been a long day, we all had work in the morning. I had already declined their company before leaving, but honestly I don't know if that was the best idea. Some moments I was grateful they weren't there, and others I desperatly needed them. And I only had my stubborness to blame.

When I arrived home, the apartment was pitch black. I just kind of stared into space, not knowing what to do first, or even sure I had the energy to do anything. So I kind of kept busy smoking a cigarette, laying out the new comforter on my bed, rearranged my bedroom, changed into my pajamas, then fell on my bed to fall into a teary slumber.

This morning wasn't any better. I felt bitter and emotional. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to close up and be left alone. But a part of me still wanted to reach out, hug and be hugged. I think a large part of me still fears to care anymore. There's still a little girl inside of me that is sure it's inevitable to always get my heart broken. So I hole up inside, tell myself to be tough, and then just hope for numbness.

It's horribly ridiculous and immature, but we seem to be a slave to our emotions.

Who knows what today will bring. I have already bought a box of Kleenex for my desk and wait patiently by my phone waiting for word on her condition. I'm half tempted to just go in an paint her nails. Tell her that she's handling this much better than I. And then wait for that moment when she's no longer with us.

I'm a big girl now.

So, the roomies will be celebrating their 2.5 year anniversary soon (they would've celebrated their 2 year one, but unfortunately they were busy moving because of me.) They have chosen to go out of town for the weekend, which is going to leave little old me all alone in the apartment.

My first response to this was a little teary. And then I thought, "This is stupid, you're a big girl, you handle one weekend by yourself."

Then I responded to myself, "Don't be so hard on yourself. Not only have you only been alone only one week in your entire life; this will be the first time absolutely alone by yourself, as a (semi)single girl. It's natural that your freaking."

Actually, I think considering the circumstances, I'm handling it well. I'm thinking I'll relax, go out and have fun, chill with the dog. It'll probably end up being very good for me. Plus, it'll ease me into moving out and living on my own eventually.

Of course, it doesn't help that out of all the days to be emotional for the past two weeks at least, this is the day. Yes, I'm a bit emotional, but today compared to my other "emotional" days is like comparing a science fair project to Pompeii. Very light indeed.

Where have all the bloggers gone?

It looks like I'm not the only one to be posting less. Although I do have a few blog friends that seemed to have disappered altogether. What the heck?

I haven't been posting lately just because I wasn't feeling well last week. I took a couple of sick days. I mean...serious sick days. The ones where I don't even attempt to make it into work and even boss knew better because I didn't get one phone call the entire time I was out.

I am feeling better now. But life has been pretty much non-eventful. Just been relaxing at home. Gorging myself on fast food. And getting addicted to yet another video game. Well two actually. My roommate and I have been playing hours of Brain Academy for the wii. I would highly suggest this game to anyone. It's loads of fun.

They also introduced me to Katamari. While this game on the surface looks supremely confusing, it's actually quite fun. You roll over things and make massive balls of junk that can include books, trees, farm animals, people, the list goes on.

I do have some other news, but it'll have to wait for later. It's one of those things that's more exciting for me than anyone else, so it's no biggie. It can wait.

Hmmmm, other than that? Not much. I did purchase (unfortunately) The Fountain. Horrible movie. Oddly enough Ghost Rider was better than The Fountain. Wasn't expecting that one.

I have been feeling better lately. Part of the reason why I allowed myself to play Brain Academy for hours on end is because my mental faculties have been subpar lately. Even my boss has noticed. But after playing that for an entire weekend, I seemed to have boosted my brain power and have been right on task again.

Well I have to get back to work now. Take care fellow bloggers. I'll visit you soon.

Been a bit under the weather

I seem to have caught something. My status of being ranged from headaches, congestion, nausea, and just outright exhaustion all weekend.

When Monday came, I was incredibly tempted to call out sick (which in a normal world I would have done), but I have scads of reports due asap. On top of coming in while feeling like complete and utter shit, my boss made a comment about my lack of OT last week. I had to remind her that I was sick last week and took a few hours here and there. I didn't get a response back.

Now my boss is usually awesome, but she's been under the gun lately too. But it's really pisses me off that I can't take this time off while I'm feeling like crap. This is ridiculous.

I'm also getting sick and tired of being expected to put in OT on a regular basis. Especially now that I can't work from home. And I'm sick. WTH?

New Beginnings

So as I was sitting there at the school campus waiting for R to finish enrolling for his classes, it hit me. Both R and K are going to be going to school and working ot, getting involved in things that take up their time at night. So where does that leave me?

A bit of fear struck me as I realized, "I'm going to have to do something. Or get stuck at home all night by myself staring at the clock wondering why on earth I'm so dependent on other people's schedules."

So, I start to think, what on earth can I do? I could teach, but quite frankly that scares the crap out of me. Another serious committment in my life, although brings in money, means I would have to actually know the subject I am teaching and be wholly dedicated to update my knowledge in those areas. I'm not smart enough for that. I know my sql, but thats about it. And I certainly don't know the latest and greatest.

I could go back to school. But that requires either more loans or money out of pocket (that quite frankly I don't have.)

I could continue to do my comic strip. Hmmm, actually that does take up quite a bit of time and could be lucrative if I apply myself. We'll put that one aside for the moment.

I could take up quilting....bah, ha, ha, ha, ha. No...in all seriousness...

I could volunteer. Actually I could volunteer teach. I have been wanting to do this for quite some time. I just need to get out there and find someone who needs a teacher.

But I can't just stagnate. I was watching R get everything prepared for classes. And I was meloncholy. I loved going to school. I loved being active, doing schoolwork, having something to do. And quite frankly, now what?

I'm a semi-divorced, 30 year-old woman living with roommates who have a life. My next big goals were to have kids. So what does a career woman (wow, yes, I said career woman...still boggles my mind to say that) do with all the extra time on her hands?

Weekend was good...

Another relaxing weekend that I don't want to return to work from.

I guess the first day to start off with would be Thursday actually. Thursday night we went to go watch the roommates band, 'Me and Joanna' at a bar. They started at 8. We didn't stay long as the other roommates weren't feeling well. But we watched their show and they did pretty good. Listening to them practice and knowing the newer songs from the old, you can really tell in the performance. The songs were good, but some a little more finished than others.

Friday K took my car in as theirs had started acting up on her. So R and I took their car into work (which gave us no hassle for the half a block he drove it). However, by the time lunch had come around, we got into the car and it wouldn't start. We tried for about five minutes to get that thing going, but it only made it about 5 feet. After reparking it again, we gave up and sat in the heat for an hour and then finally decided to order in.

Friday night, I went out with an old friend, Blueberry. We went to First Friday, a local event that showcases artists and bands by opening up the streets and local galleries for pedestrians to walk through. After walking around for about an hour, we headed over to a local bar. Played a few games. Fended off the locals. Then headed home. Once I got home, just slightly drunk, I played Wii with the roommates then headed off for snooze land.

Saturday was spent just kicking back and playing Wii. Until that night where we had a slight incident. For a month now the roommate has been talking about going to either the Aquabat concert or the Morrissey concert. In addition to the Aquabats being a great band, the roommates old band was also opening for them. So what a dilemma. Anyway, come Saturday night I ask what the plans are. He shrugs it off and essentially says he may not be going. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, I throw a fit. A hissy fit. I walk around a while, have a cigarette, then tell him, "Fine. If you don't want to go, I'll go to a movie."

The rommates were pretty nice about it. I acknowledged that I was being pissy and that I didn't want them to go just because I was being a raving bitch about it. But here's my point. You talk about it for well over a month. 'I've' been talking about it well over a month. Heck, the night before, I was hounding him about the concert. And the response I got the next day? "I didn't know you wanted to see it." I guess all it really came down to is money. But if he had just said that, I would've been fine. I mean...this is freakin Morrissey we're talking about.

So the two brother roommates and I went to see Morrissey. It was a very good concert. Very entertaining. Good seats...and he took off his shirt twice. Which was hilarious as the guy is 48 years old.

Sunday was spent driving around for Wii games, playing karaoke, and then hustling off to bed. Very relaxing indeed.

All in all a pretty good weekend

So, Friday was fairly uneventful. Lemme see if my memory goes back that far...

Friday morning I dropped R off at his friends so they could head out towards Mexico way. That morning was actually a little eventful considering he semi-lost his wallet right before he left. After a quick call to K, they found the wallet in her car and all was right with the world again.

Work was a hassle. Extremely busy plus a fire drill. But I was so tapped out that even my boss told me to go home early and get some rest. Much needed.

Friday night I headed over to Ks work to pick her up and we went to a BBQ at Cs. Both of us were exhausted but we had a good time. I was first out at poker, but it was all good as I was surrounded by friends and fun.

Saturday we took care of some errands, then went and got our nails done. Came back to the house and just napped and relaxed. Nighttime rolls around and we get ready for Cirque De Soleil! I've been wanting to see this for quite some time. It was admittadly maybe a little too ambiguous for me but I still enjoyed it. Afterwards K and I spent what must have been an hour talking outside. It's very unusual, but both of us admitted to the incredible symbiotic nature of the relationship between the three of us. It's always nerve-wracking taking in a roommate, even K admitted this. But for whatever reason all of us get along really great. We all seem to be able to provide the support that we all need.

Afterwards we rented Nothing But Trouble, an old favorite of mine. Then crashed.

Sunday morning we slept in. Then headed over to the art museum. K had never visited the Phoenix Art Museum so I felt a bit honored to be the first to take her. We spent about four hours walking around and finally heard back from R. He sounded a bit...exhausted? dissapointed? Not sure, but it was nice to know he was doing okay and not busy being someone's bitch in Mexico prison.

We stayed up late watching Pan's Labyrinth and Anklebiters (both a must see, but the last one purely for the entertainment value of what a crappy movie it is.) Then crashed once again.

Today will be spent working from home and going to the dog park. One last day of semi-relaxation before getting back to work. This rest was definately needed. And the reconnect to one of my closest friends.

Could I please...

just have one night away from friends where I don't go schitzo??

So last night, I volunteered to go do something last night to allow the roommates one night alone together before R left for his big holiday weekend. This is not a problem. I was a little upset that I couldn't find anyone else to go with, but quite frankly I need to learn to have fun by myself (and no, not that, I already have that base covered.)

Anyway, the night was actually progressing along pretty well. I got a few books at the bookstore. Went and got a massage. Then went to go see "28 Weeks Later" at the movie theatre. Doing good, until the credits roll, the lights come up, I look around...and nothing but couples. My Gawd! I bawled like a baby.

Stupid thoughts kept entering my head (and here's where I probably get more truthful with you than I may have ever in my blog), I just felt so lonely. To the core. I was bawling all the way home, into the apartment, on the floor, working, smoking, on the cat. Eventually, I fell asleep. Usually when I wake up things are better. But no. Not today.

I wake up and the tears just start falling again. I'm telling myself to buck up. Stop being ridiculous. It's my choice to be happy. Nothing is working.

I am feeling better now. Still a little teary. I just feel like a freakin 16 year old again. You remember the times don't you? It really is ridiculous. I have friends. I have great friends. I have marvelous friends. Oh for craps sake! I hate being a girl.

Fun-filled packed weekend

So...R is going out of town this weekend, so K and I have to find things to do to fill our three day weekend. So what have the girls chosen to do this weekend?

We're going to go play poker Friday night. Help a friend move Saturday. And take in a show Saturday night. I realize this leaves us with two whole days of unscheduled events, but I don't think I could talk K into anything more. Plus, Tuesday night will be spent with R's family at R's brother's graduation. Which should be fun...and will probably be a bit weird. Too much to go into.

But I'm looking forward to the weekend. Hopefully no one will get sick and R will return intact and safe on Monday.

Is this a surprise?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18745930/

"WASHINGTON - The first birth-control pill meant to put a stop to women’s monthly periods indefinitely won federal approval Tuesday. Called Lybrel, it’s the first such pill to receive Food and Drug Administration approval for continuous use."

Really? The one thing that EVERYONE can agree on? No periods for women? And it's called liberal?

Bravo.

Tired

Ugh, one last day coming in a five a.m. Did I mention that since one of the roomies has been going in early, I have too? I know this sounds ridiculous, but I do this for two reasons...I really do get a lot more done when no one else is here. And quite frankly, I would be frustrated staying late at work with the knowledge that one of my best freinds gets the luxury of staying at home and playing video games while I'm working my butt off. Yes, I easily get jealous, especially when it comes to down time.

This weekend was nice. I got burned to a crisp though. My other roommate/BFF (I really need to come up with pseudonyms for those two) is a sun lizard. She loves sitting out in the sun by the pool and tanning. I don't tan. I get beet red, but I figured I'd give it the ole college try and hang out with her. It was a perfect day. We even brought out the dog. However, I do think the sun not only burned me to a crisp, but fried my brains as well. I haven't felt right since sitting out. I've been just exhausted. I think it's a good thing I'll be going home early today as I definately need the sleep...on a nice cold leather couch...mmmmm, sleeeeppppp.

Inducted into Ska

So...one of my roommates and closest friend is an ex-bass player for a fairly known Ska band. What is ska? Well, ska apparently is the precursor to reggae. Very much like reggae, except with a bit of a faster beat, guitars, and a horn section.

I've heard ska before. And I like it...very much so. But have never been to a concert, which quite frankly, is much better than listening to it on cd.

We left the apartment around 8 p.m. and got there in time to listen to three bands:

Satori - http://www.myspace.com/satorimusic

Buck o Nine - http://www.myspace.com/buckonine

Mustard Plug - http://www.myspace.com/mustardplug

Exactly in that order. I really liked Satori, so I asked the roomy what the name of the band was. He told me Buck O Nine, and I went and purchased a couple of cds. Then the next band came on...announcing they were Buck O Nine. Doh! So during their performance, the roomy takes off for a second and then returns with what appears to be a cd in hand. Thinking nothing of it, I dance in place thinking the band is good and no harm, no foul. Finally I get around to asking him what he got. I pull out the cd, and lo and behold, it's the Santori cd. He felt bad for telling me the wrong band, so he went over and purchased the one I wanted anyway. So now I have two excellent bands in my cd collection, and I will soon be getting Mustard Plug.

These bands were awesome live! Lots of energy, lots of talent. It was a great show. The roomy wanted to head out early (considering we were going to have to get up the next morning at 4 a.m. to be into work at 5 a.m.) but I talked him into staying to see the band we came to see (MP).

So we watch MP, and start to head home around midnight. Start to get on the freeway...and the car dies. Thankfully he was able to start it up right away, but our drive home was spent frantically hoping that it wouldn't happen again.

We get home safe. I watch the Office until 1:30 a.m. and so now I am at work. On the verge of napping at my desk. *yawn*

Oh well, at least I got out of the house and heard some excellent music.

Busy Weekend

I am so tired today!

So, let's start off with Friday. Hectic business day to say in the least. I had a high priority report that I still hadn't finished by the end of the day, but thank goodness I warned my boss when we got the request. I told her I could probably get it done on Friday, but to not make any promises.

After work, we headed directly over to a friends house to help move. There really wasn't much as a gang of people had already moved most of the stuff. So afterwards we hung out, ate pizza, and watched Boondog Saints. A good movie, but kind of cheesy.

Saturday was spent at home with one roommate or the other. A majority of the day was spent with K waiting for R to get done with the car. They had the brakes checked and it ended up being 4 hours of work and $300 worth of cash. R was nice enough to bring Baskin Robbins home after the fiasco though and we then settled down to watch a crappy movie. Half of my day was spent working from home.

Yesterday was half boring and half nice. I have no car or money, so mom got a phone call yesterday and the promise to take her out this weekend. K worked overtime, and left the house around 6 a.m. R left with his brother around 11 a.m., so it was just little old me, the dog, and three cats for the rest of the afternoon. I cleaned, and worked, and cleaned, and worked. The boys got home around 3 with flowers and steaks (a very nice gesture). K got home around 4:30. So we chilled for the rest of the night watching cable (and me working).

All in all I put in a total of 58 hours last week. So, needless to say...I'm freakin exhausted.

What to say...

I want to go on and on again about how emotional, how lonely, how exhausted I am, but quite frankly even I'm tired of that bullshit. Admittedly, one of the major reasons why I am so emotional lately is because I started taking birth control pills. Now, don't get all shocked. This has nothing to do with the primary purpose of the prescription. I was having my period every three weeks. Which means only two weeks of unaltered mental state and physical comfort. This is not acceptable.

So I went to my doctor with the sole purpose of extending my normal times out. I was hoping for at least an extra week of reprieve, but ended up getting the pills that give me three months of normalcy. Three months!!! Three months!!!

So needless to say, I'm very happy with that concept. The only issue is that these pills seem to make me very mopey and quite frankly...a lot of crying. But I much prefer the crying to the other option.

Anyway, same bs different day. I'll catch up with you guys later with something a little more lighthearted.

Until then, check out my latest comic strip on complicatedcomic.com.

Hasta!

To Blog or Not To Blog

Okay, so, my roommates are having issues. And one of them reads this blog from time to time, but I have to get this out...I just have to! (But I'll be respectful in my vent.)

So...for the past few days, things have been strained at home. Walking on eggshells is a cake walk sometimes compared to the awkwardness that arises from time to time. Things go well for a few days, and then BAM! Something comes up to anger or frustrate one or the other.

I feel for these two...I really do. Their both my good friends, my best friends. And it hurts me to see them both being hurt and frustrated. K, the girlfriend, is much more open about discussing whats going on. Well, come on, she's a chick. We disect everything immensely.

On the other hand, R, the boyfriend, talks about it but I can feel his frustration. Well come'on...he's a boy. It's like he wants to know whats wrong, but without actually doing the talking.

Plus, I'm trying to be there for both of them, without taking sides, offerring solutions (other than you need to communicate more), or just in general pissing anyone off.

It's a bit difficult. And stressful. I really need to stop giving a shit.

(You know I didn't mean that last line. *sigh*)