Destructive Relationships

As you may know, I attended a high school reunion a couple of weeks ago. I gathered the emails of a few people including my (old) best friend. I've been deliberating whether to actually use it. I keep thinking about the people we were then, the kids we were then; and the people we are now. Would we even be friends if we met another way? There was a reason I stopped calling her. I think it was a good reason. I witnessed something she did that was horrific. Even hubby agreed that we should just break off the relationship.

Something happened last night that gave me my answer. We ran into an old friend of my husband's at dinner last night. I knew this guy, and while although he's a nice guy...he's destructive. You know the type, doesn't exercise, smokes like a chimney, drinks, smokes some other stuff religiously. Not a good positive influence.

For years now, I've been trying to get hubby to be more proactive about his health, physically and mentally. Forunately, once hubby cleaned up, all his friends scattered. This was a small blessing.

But now they're all showing up again. And hubby partook of the old habits. And now hubby is in the hospital because he had a major panic attack. They may have found an abnormal heart murmur (he just said, "heart murmur", but quite frankly if they didn't find one at all I'd be very concerned. I just need to find out if it's normal or abby-normal).

So after he woke me up the first time early this morning, and I was trying to get back to sleep, I kept envisualizing me telling him; "It's those fucking friends of yours! They're a bad influence! I don't want you hanging with them anymore!!"

Of course, I sound like a nag and every other woman out there who has something against her boyfriend's or husband's friends. But he always does so well, then one of these losers enters the picture and he regresses. Then I'm left to pick up the peices as they drive home mildly buzzed. Fuckers.

So that's when I realized that just as much as he doesn't need these asshole friends dragging him down, neither do I. I already have my great friends. I don't need more crappy ones.

That includes my dad.

So don't piss me off.

Sometimes you just can't help yourself...

The career woman in me is a bit disappointed, but the five year old in me can't help but laugh at this.

It amazes me how moments of immaturity still make their way into my adult life.

Okay, time for a regular post...

Where is everybody? I know I shouldn't give a rats ass, write for myself, blah, blah, blah...but come 'on! Okay, I'm being a little bitchy. My aunt is coming to town in a week, and I'm turning klutzy and bitchy. Plus it's the holidays. I HATE the holidays. No...H...A...T...E...the holidays.

Because they are full of commercialism. Because it forces you to be nice to the family member that royally screwed you over during the year. Because it guilts you into buying expensive gifts over thoughtful ones. Because you are always guaranteed to gain some weight. Because I'M guaranteed to get sick. Because you end up going into debt buying 'just a little' something for twenty additional people because they date/hang around/see the other people you're giving gifts too. Because theres always one drunk in the crowd that says something uncomfortable or something you told them in complete secrecy.

I once asked my family if we could forego the whole gift-giving and just have a nice dinner together. Appreciate each others company. Yeah, THAT went over well.

Bah-humbug.

Okay, I take it all back. Just a little bitchy.

Not Bad, but I told you I'm lazy

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

New haircut, bad picture

Okay, okay, I know it's not that great a pic, but I just had to post. This is my new style...

I was so jealous when Blue got hers done. It's been a while since I found a decent hairstylist and this guy is GREAT!!!! Tuesday I'm going to have highlights put in (just to blonde me up a little bit) --bites acrylic nails--

Sidenote: Whilst logging into Yahoo I saw a short blurb about Mel Gibson and his new movie. The writer was asking if this new movie would 'save' his career. Okay, let me vent a little. First of all, his work and his personal views while although may be related, should not be to us. A movie is a movie. You either like it or you don't. You don't take into consideration if the director is a schmoe or not. Hasn't hurt Woody Allen or other infamous directors. It shouldn't hurt Mel. And while I do not prescribe or respect his hate of Jewish people, for heaven's sake people! You do not fight hate with hate. You will not change this man by telling him how worthless he is. Spread a little love around, and maybe some forgiveness. I really hate to say it, but get off your high-horse you liberals and christians (both of which I DO presecribe to.) Start practicing what you preach. And open your heart. Jesus didn't hang around with saints for a reason.

Update: Too funny, but I guess this cut is either a love or leave it. So far I've had:

1 doesn't like it, 2 so-sos, 4 love its, and a "Can you give me the name of the guy?"

6 Weird Things about You

According to the rules...Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things about You". People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog!"

1. I swallow my gum and make no apologies. It's just easier.

2. I love geeks. I always pick the guys that no one else thinks is cute (Spacey is a fox, and I still think Tom Cruise is cute.)

3. I fantasize frequently about anything and everything. My favorite is when I'm at work and I fantasize that we're taken hostage. I imagine myself telling the terrorists to kiss off and find a way to save my co-workers by flirting with a terrorist and kicking his nuts in when he takes me to a small room to take advantage of me.

4. I have what's called a Dowagers Hump (it's a bump on the back of my neck.)

5. I think I will die early because a lot of my family is still alive. I think the odds are that I will die from some freak accident or disease. Mostly this is because my hubby keeps saying he'll die soon due to all the crap he's done in his life. But I'm a firm believer in Murphys Law, therefore the irony will be my demise before his.

6. (added) I don't like onion, but I love funyuns. Actually I like the taste of onion, I just don't like actually eating the onion. I guess I don't like the texture.

Okay, I was tagged by Miss P.

I would like to tag:

- Bluebert
- Miss Adventure
- Cloudy (it's a two-fer Cloudy, I just don't have enough blog friends! lol)
- Beaker
- Mark
- Justin

Completely Unmotivated

I'm trying, just not getting anything done. Of course, Blue is to blame for some of this as she drags me out to have fun at the clubs and bars on the weekend. But I'm just lazy lately. A couple of weekends ago, I actually purchased materials to make a goal poster (whiteboard, markers, glue) and not only have I done nothing with it, the materials are still sitting in the grocery bag. When I sit to do my comics, my mind is a blank. It takes me a good half hour to figure out what I'm going to do (which was nothing last night).

I've been meaning to vacuum, clean the fish tank, something, anything, for the past few weeks, but my body just groans and rolls over. I contribute part of this to the cold weather as well. Okay, so I don't live in some God-forsaken freakin country with snow drifts and ice (How do you deal with it, Cloudy?), but I'm cold! Granted it's Arizona, but could you imagine putting a Jamaican in Alaska? Yeah, not gonna happen. Whenever I'm home, I just want to snuggle under the covers and let sleep claim me. The weather change has definately made me sleepy.

Well, I have nothing left to talk about I guess and no elegant way to end this entry. So adios, muchachos!

Sidenote: No, P, hubby has not gone in for his test yet. Supposedly this Friday. He's even lazier than me if you can believe it. He does nothing but play video games and drink beer at night lately. I told him no snuggling until he can act like a responsible adult. Responsible daddies do not get drunk every night. He agreed and sauntered his way to the living room to sleep by himself. Like I said, he's being a butt. Oh well, if there's one thing I've learned in a long-term relationship, everything is just a phase. I just wonder how long it will last. At least it's better than all the crap we went through last year. Thank God 2007 is around the corner!!!

Don't make me put the call out on your ass!

Bluebert Made Me Do It...Life Score Updated

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7
Mind:	6.8
Body:	7.5
Spirit:	6.8
Friends/Family:	6.9
Love:	7.3
Finance:	7.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Compared to last year's

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.4
Mind:	7.5
Body:	5.5
Spirit:	6.8
Friends/Family:	6.3
Love:	9.1
Finance:	7.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Wow! I thought I had improved. Yikes! Maybe I was just more honest this time?

Busy Week?

It was for me. It seems my social life has all of a sudden taken off.

So, (deep breath), I finally started a MySpace account. I know, I know...may as well tattoo "geek" on my forehead, but I've heard of many people reuniting with long lost friends through this MySpace stuff, so I figured I'd give it a try. Sure 'nuff, first looksee at my old high school and I get int touch with a few old friends. Turns out that there is a informal high school reunion on Saturday and yours truly is invited.

So, on the agenda for Saturday aside from Weight Watchers and laundry...high school reunion (13 years if your wondering.) Oh but wait! A close friend of mine, his step-father's 50th Birthday is coming up and they're having a big shindig at the Crowne Plaza (forgive my slang, I'm in the middle of watching Desperately Seeking Susan). Both of these events start at the same time, so I'm in a dilemma.

Saturday rolls around. We go to Weight Watchers. We go out to eat. We go get Blue's hair done. We change. We head out to the high school reunion. If you haven't been to one of these...you simply must. Its weird. And all your memories come flooding back. That guy was dick. That guy was a sweetheart. That guy was just weird. That girl was a bitch. That girl was a slut. That girl is still a bitch. That girl is really quiet. Just weird.

But a couple of hours pass, we make our apologies for leaving early and head out to the B-Day shindig. We know virtually noone. So we end up staring into space most of the time and smiling politely at people we don't know. We had a good conversation with an old drummer though. That cat was cool.

An hour passes and Blue gets a text message from her buddy. It's her birthday and she's all alone. We must remedy. So we make apologies once again and book it over there. We decide to go to a close club. It was cool, It was made up of about four different types of clubs. I got hit on quite a bit, by some cuties too. A girl needs that from time to time. Blue and her friend got a lot of interest too but unfortunately not by the types they'd hoped for. All in all, we had great fun. We danced in the cage, they rode the bull, we got harrassed by freaks, but danced our asses off. AND made it safely home.

I went to sleep at 3 a.m. and didn't wake up until 1 p.m. (Lesse, 1..2..3...about 10 hours, not bad), but I'm still recuping and working. So see you guys later. Hope you had a good weekend.

I've got that funky feeling

You ever had that period in your life in which everything just feels off kilter? You're self-esteem gets just a little bit lower, you're paranoid about everything around you? Your relationships? Your finances? Your dirty house?

I hate this feeling, and I seem to be engulfed by it lately. Some days I just want to bury myself under my bedcovers at home and ignore the world. My mind runs to all the things I should be doing or feeling.

I feel fat. I feel pimply. I feel unwanted. I feel messy. I feel lazy. I feel barren. I feel guilty. I think I've run the whole bad-feeling gambit this week. I know I've gotten out of these funks before, but heaven knows how I attempted it. I do believe part of it is my inability to lose weight. I seem to lose a little and then gain it right back again. I've been on this freakin plateau for about a year now, and it's really starting to get to me.

Then, of course, my mind drifts to children. And the thought of, "Do I really want them?" I mean, if I was really desperate to have a baby, wouldn't I have kicked myself into gear and stopped drinking caffeine by the bucket? Started exercising with more diligence? Stopped wolfing down red meat and cookies?

I have no self-control. And I really don't feel like an adult. Are hubby and I just going to end up being one of those couples without kids that everyone looks at and thinks are so shallow because they have the ability to take off at a moments notice? Have the nice house? Nice car? Quiet retirement? I mean, when we get old, who will we have to personally ignore us and make excuses?

Love/Hate Relationship

With just about everything in general. It was most definately an interesting holiday weekend.

It all started with Tuesday in which I left work a little early to visit an old friend and also pick up hubby's XMas gift. From work, I headed over to Wal-Mart and picked up a new Sirius satellite receiver. I have been planning to get one for hubby ever since last year, but just haven't had the chance, didn't like the price, or was waiting for better offers. Then I headed over to a resteraunt where a friend of mine was working. It was only a temp gig until she gets permanent work, but funny thing...she was actually offered a job that afternoon, so she could have quit and not worked the shift. (Later I found out she gave out halfway through the weekend and told them where to stick it. Hours sucked, pay sucked, everything sucked about it.)

That night we tested out the satellite radio (which we absolutely adore and can't live without now) and went searching for a ham. Did you know that apparently the new tradition for thanksgiving is ham? I didn't either until we went to two Costco's, both out of stock of hams but chock full o' turkeys. Fortunately hubby went scavaging and found a spiral ham in another refrigerated section.

Thursday turned out nice. I cleaned, rearranged furniture, cleaned some more, then cooked (not successfully), ate and cleaned some more. Apparently everyone loved the meal, but I was finicky. My mashed potatoes turned out gummy because I tried some new method (Screw you, Bon Appetit!)

Friday was P-Day. Monthly visitor. Damn!

Saturday was Weight Watchers, hanging out with Blue, saw the new 007 movie (a bit sappy for my tastes), and went clubbing. Well went club. We visited one club (full of hip-hop and the smell of dirty socks mixed with skunk...yes, you know what that is...don't play innocent with me). The place was too packed and everywhere people were smokin it up, so we stayed under an hour and got out of there. We headed over to a local bar and played pool until they closed. Then headed over to Castle to giggle like little schoolgirls. We poured over the Playgirl magazines searching for our favorite actors and singers in hopes of glimpsing their full glory. Since all the magazines were wrapped in cellophane, we had to purchase them to see the beauty within. Unfortunately as we got into the car and ripped open the plastic, all we found were pictures of fully clothed famous people and some pretty nasty naked pics of unknowns.

That just left yesterday. We didn't go to church. My intention was just to rest, but hubby and I got into a fight. That exhausted me even more and for some reason I had to stay up and watch Brokeback Mountain until 11 p.m. (I admit, it left me a little confused. But I suppose that's probably the way they felt too...so hey, mission accomplished.)

Which brings us to today. Back to work. Ugh! 30 more days until the next holiday. Countin it down...

Not much going on

My days usually consist of: waking up, getting ready, going to work, work, coming home, making dinner, doing my comic strip, and exercising. With a little television spattered in for good measure. For some reason this is killing me sleep-wise. Usually it's the television part. It pushes back everything to about 9 p.m. and then I end up exercising right before bed.

I am doing well with my diet and exercise, however on occasion I skip exercising and go crazy for the next day or so until I exercise again. Especially today. I skipped exercising because I was so darn tired. And quite frankly there's no making up for it in the a.m. I only do one thing in the morning and that's wake up. That takes all of my energy.

In addition to not exercising last night, I am bummed because both of my buddies at work have the day off today. Therefore I splurged this morning and got Burger King. I didn't break my diet, but I'm sure I'll reap the repercussions of a greasy breakfast later.

My mind is floating over to babies more often lately. Hubby and I were at Pei Wei last night. Apparently this is the place to take your kids, because there were a ton of them running around or being held by their parents. One girl came in with cute baby in tow to pick something up. In hubby fashion, he pointed them out by saying, "Check out the littlest Pei Wei eater over there." (He does this frequently, I think it's adorable.) Looking at her and her baby, I started getting a bit depressed. The baby was absolutely adorable. And all I could think was, "Am I ever going to experience that?" Cause quite frankly at this point, I feel like it's never going to happen. I was a good supportive wife though, and kept my thoughts to myself. No reason to pressure the husband into such things. But to my surprise, out of the blue he said, "I'm going to get that test on Monday."

I looked up at him, trying to figure out if this was his wish or he saw the utter desperation in my eyes and threw me a bone. But when I looked at him, he was looking at that baby. So, at least we're on the same page...if only our reproductive systems were.

Happy Mexican Revolution Day!!

And most importantly, welcome to the days before the holidays where you start picking projects that require little effort however meet the minimum requirement for "working" because quite frankly the three days before a holiday...suck.

This weekend was spent with much frivolity and spending. I spent virtually all day Saturday clothes shopping with Blue. We made a stop at Frefericks and I got some darling demi-cup bras and cute underwear. Then, after Blue gave me her size 13 pants, I tried a few size 12s for good measure. And guess what?! I fit!!! How wonderful to have gone down a few sizes. Of course, the pair I'm wearing right now are a 12 from Old Navy and they fit a little snug around the waist. But they're not uncomfortable by any means.

Sunday was spent taking grandma to lunch (we've been skipping church lately, which I have no issues with, I have faith in God, but not the church), shopping with a nother friend (finally found some cute and comfortable heels), and vistied mom and grandma (they gave me some Richard Simmons vhs tapes, but I should have realized there's no regressing from Billy Blanks to Richard Simmons).

By the time I got home it was around 7:30 p.m. I had dinner, worked, did laundry, and exercised. I'm surprised I have time to sleep anymore. But hey, that's what snooze buttons are for.

Well I'd best go. Happy Thanksgiving guys if I don't see/hear from ya!

I thought big boobs was a good thing?

On my list of many things to do, I have wanted to get a really nice collection of bras (and matching panties) for my wardrobe. I remember my grandmother telling me how a well known owner of a stage company, would get all of his actresses/dancers beautiful underwear because he felt that was they were wearing underneath reflected on how they felt on the outside. I want to look feminine and sexy for my husband, and myself.

So yesterday I was determined! I went to Target, picked out a few D cup sized bras (thinking I'm a borderline C/D) and headed off to the dressing room. I tried on all of them and thought, "What the hell?! None of these fit! I don't understand as my current bra is a D." But lo and behold, I checked my current (and worn out) bra, and the little tag says "DD".

"Oh great!," I thought, "Where in the hell am I going to get that size?"

Let me clue you in to a little thing called hypocrasy. Do you see those Victoria Secret models that strut their stuff on the runway, and have boobs that almost look Pamela style? None of those girls...NONE...are over a C cup. How do I know this? When I got fitted at VS back in the day, the lady told me I was a D, and unfortunately..."We don't carry those larger sizes." Ugh!

So, I checked the racks again, spotted some DD, and figured I would come back after I picked up hubby from work. As it turns out, we ended up at Mervyns.

I looked around and all the cute bras, you know the ones with cute prints and tiny lace., the half cups and demi-bras, were all available in D cup or smaller. So to make sure of my size, I asked the lady behind the counter to measure me again. Guess what? I was neither a D or a DD...I am a DDD.

Count 'em! Three whole frickin Ds! I politely asked her, with a bit of frustration in my voice, "But you don't have any in that size, right?" To my relief, she points me towards the back section and says, "Well all of our larger cup sizes are on that back wall."

Schweet! So I head over there to look at my myriad of options. I mean, it's a whole wall right? In this day and age of Pamela Andersons and Roseanne Barrs, surely they have a decent selection of larger cup size. Uh, hell no.

Out of the entire wall, there were two bra styles that had my size. One was a "minimizer" bra that scrunched your boobs in and flat. (Generous boobs = good, right? Why would I want to "minimize" them?) And the other style was perfectly designed...for my grandmother. Large and shiny. The kind that make your boobs look twice the size in addition to your body. Erk!!

I was so depressed and frustrated. I went straight home and looked online for bras that would fit me. But here's the problem. I'm a 38DDD. 38 is too small to be "larger sizes" and too big to find a cup in my size. Of the bras I found in my size, they're either sold out or $100 each. I even checked Lane Bryant, for the volumptuous woman. They didn't have any sizes below a 44.

Argh!!!! What the hell?!?! I thought this nation loved big boobs? I thought having big boobs and a waist counted for something in this nation? But once again, I find that what society says and what society does are two totally different things.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a coconut and string.

My Birthday

Remember the happiness of having a really cool birthday party? Maybe you're parents made arrangements for a pizza parlor and stuffed rodents. All of your truly best friends would come and you would gorge yourself of pizza and video arcade games. You would run around until you were exhausted then setle down for some birthday cake and presents...

Yeah, this birthday was like the exact opposite. I'd say it was the epitome of an adult party. No, not like that! In the respects that everything planned was postponed due to busy schedules or work.

First of all, Friday was my birthday. However IT decided to hold a potluck on that day. Ugh! So agreed with my close buddy, Literal Lou, that we would have the b-day lunch on Monday. He sent out all the invites and my little heart was floppin around at the idea of having lunch with all my close friends on Monday.

Saturday was the saving grace. We were supposed to have a BBQ, but no one could make it. No one save Blue. She came over Friday night, then all day Saturday. What a sweetie! We went to breakfast, Borat, and dinner. (Okay granted breakfast was greasy and dinner was just weird...do yourself a favor and never get chicken tamales, but I still had a fun time.)

Did I happen to mention nary a card or gift from hubby at this point? No? Well I did mention it to him. I wasn't expecting much, but some flowers would have been nice. I mean honestly, it really doesn't take much effort to say, "Wherever you want to go for dinner babe...it's YOUR birthday." *wink, wink*

Anyway, Sunday his back went out. We picked up gramma from church. Then headed out for lunch. I forget where, that's how memorable it was. And I did laundry and cleaned house all day.

Scoot ahead to Monday, big lunch, remember? Well a big project came in for the morning, due by when? That's right, one hour after my lunch. I was working feverently. Trying to get it done in time to go to lunch. First I was half an hour late, then we pushed it back an hour. Finally...the Director who requested the report came up and said, "Uh, yeah, I guess what I REALLY needed was percentages...not days. How long would that take?" Oh, just the REST OF THE ENTIRE FUCKIN DAY!

So lunch postponed until Friday. Erk!

That's it so far. I wonder what other bountiful surprises the birthday gods hold in store for me?

Bastards.

Ouch!

I guess if I only had a Bachelor's degree instead of a Master's I would have scored higher. Yuk, yuk, yuk.

You paid attention during 86% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

Have I said this before?

I was looking over a friends entry again about infertility...and I was thinking about all the things people say to you when they find out you're having difficulties conceiving. So in the best interest of all my buddies (including me), here's a list of what not to and what to say to a person having fertility issues:

What NOT to say:

- Just relax and it'll happen.
- Try adopting. My friend adopted and on the day they went to sign she found out she was pregnant.
- You should probably lose some weight. I hear that weight can be a good factor.
- You can have mine! They're such a handful!
- Oh goodness, that's hard. Why me and hubby had no issues at all. We just thought of getting pregnant and it happened.
- So are you pregnant yet?
- You should try...insert anything here. (Believe me, we know, we've researched it, tried it, and then cursed it.)
- Why are you buying baby stuff? You don't know if you'll be able to have one yet, right?
- OMG! My neice just had a baby! Want to see the pictures?

What TO say:

- Hang in there, I'm sure it'll happen.
- You're trying? That's great! You two would make excellent parents!
- My friend just went through the same thing. If you want the name of a good specialist, let me know.
- Well I hope everything goes smoothly. I won't bug you with questions about it, but if you ever need to talk, I'll be here.
- You guys will have the cutest baby!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, it's that time again. Where I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and ask, "Is this the face of a 31 year old?"

Of course, I'm not stressing all that much. I still get carded at liquor stores at least half the time.

BTW, Happy Birthday Marines!!! They're 231 years old, and looking mighty damn fine if you ask me. Although my preference is still Air Force, but hey, I'm biased. I'm married to a former Air Force MP.

And also a Happy Veteran's Day to you brave men and women out there!! I thank you for your service. You had the balls to do what most of the population won't. Bless you guys!!

Fight! Fight! Fight!

So hubby and I had a fight last night. Like we've been having for a few nights. I won't go into the details, but needless to say I feel exhausted today.

One of the things that's good about going to work after a fight is the ability to mull things over in your head without spousal interruption. So I've been thinking...not about what we said, or how we said it. Just the fact that we've been saying it all. He's been grumpy and a pain in the ass, and I have been feeding into it.

I don't want to do this anymore. No...I'm not saying I want to leave...or want a divorce. I just don't want to argue.

So I called him up, left a voice mail message, simply stating, "I don't want to fight anymore. I love you and I want things to get better. Let's talk it over tonight over dinner."

I hope it works. I really am tired of all of this. I really don't want to be at eachothers throats and on eachother's nerves. We deserve better in life for all that we've worked for and worked through.

Heck, I don't even know if I should be writing this, as the fight and exhaustion is still occurring. All I know is I'm tired, and sad, and emotional. And I just want a nice relationship with my husband. I want to smile when I see him, I want him to smile at me...a good honest smile. One that says, "I'm so happy to see you. Let's snuggle and just be together."

I just hope we can get back there. I just hope.

Thank God for co-workers!

So I was talking to my friend, Literal Lou, the other day. Lately the topic of career moves keeps coming up. LL wants to move into systems architecture, and I would like to become a Project Manager someday. Why, you ask? (Okay, I know you didn't, but heck, this is my blog so I'm gonna tell ya.) Well, I invested all that money in a Masters degree. It'd be a shame to see that go to waste. Now having a Masters degree qualifies me to be a Manager. Or at least gives me the opportunity to be one. But...I hate management. I really don't want to be working 80 hours a week and kissing ass so frequently it looks like I've been sucking on lemons all day. So, next best thing?

Project Management!

I would love this. The ability to organize and schedule on projects with a definate end in sight. The ability to finish a project with a sense of accomplishement. The ability to drive people nuts then say, 'ta, ta' at the end of the project.

Anyway, where was I at? Oh yes...so LL mentions that if I'm really serious about this 'dream', that an opportunity has just opened up because one of the PMs is leaving and they need someone to manage a project she's leaving behind. Yikes! I said I wanted to do it, not actually, you know, DO IT!

So I think this over for awhile and come to the conclusion that nobody really gives opportunities, you have to make them yourself. I marched on over to my bosses' office. Shut the door. And told her of this fabulous opportunity and my willingness to go forward and my utter boredom with just running reports. I even had the good foresight to ask her if she felt I was up to the task of PMing (she replied yes). So she gave me a few other projects and said she would speak to the Lead PM and her own boss to discuss future opportunities for my growth.

Yay! Do you know what this means?! I'm going forward again!!

In addition to that, I lost a pound so far this week! YAY!! Moving forward again.

Now if we could just get hubby into that yank session.

Blueberry...you are SO gonna get it.

Blue has done extremely well with her weight loss. She's 2 pounds away from goal weight and started WW after I did. Well, I think I just found her secret.

Fuckin Billy Blanks. She started off doing Tae Bo and I remember her mentioning this before. This week, after getting through a bout of cold and TOM, I decided no more Ms. Nice Guy...or Ms. Lazy, however you want to look at it.

Previously, before the cold, I worked out to a Step workout and a Tai Chi/Kickboxing workout. Both were laborous, but I felt I needed more cardio in my arsenal. Since Billy Blanks worked so well for Blue, I thought I should add him to my library.

Today I took out two of the BB dvds I bought and considered whether I wanted a Fat Blasting Cardio session or just Fat Blasting Overall. Not being to keen on cardio lately, I chose the overall dvd and started working out.

Lemme first say this. I love Bill Blanks workout, I think he's a very inspiring guy. The people he choses to workout in his dvd are very realistic. But when you do his exercises...

you feel like your gonna die. Oh....My....God. That little bitch. It wasn't the eating, it wasn't the tracking points. It was ALL Billy Blanks. He works the fuckin PISS out of you. I think I held my own pretty well, but I didn't use the resistance bands (if I had, I would be blogging from the emergency room instead of my desk at home) and I took a few cardio breaks during the dvd. Instead of punching and jumping, I just punched.

Yes, I'll still watch my diet, but it's me and Billy all the way for the rest of my dieting days. Now excuse me, while I go puke.

How much can you take?

So in perfect alignment with every other test I've ever taken at the doctor's...

my gyn just called back with my test results. Everything is good. Pap, blood tests, everything. She said she was a bit concerned with the low insulin, the nurse practitioner, but she double checked with the doctor and the doctor said that was good. That means my body is working efficiently.

So once again, something's wrong but we don't know what.

I called hubby and told him it's important he do his tests now. And that it may not indicate anything is wrong with him. He could take the test and everything be good with his little guyzos, but then that means the next step would be an ultrasound on my tubes. I told him for all we know my tubes could be blocked, but that's okay because they can unblock them.

But so far....so good. I hope everything is okay on his. I have no freakin idea what to do if something is wrong with his part of the deal. Do you think maybe Kevin Spacey would be willing to give to the cause?

No Whammies, No Whammies...Ahhhh, Crap!

So here I sit, full blown out head cold, plus that TOM, PLUS end of month reporting. All on the same fuckin day. I've been totally out of it. Downing Dayquil like they were candies, popping cold drops like they were ecstasy (which quite frankly when you had a dry throat and a stuffy nose...they're better than ecstasy.) Everyone has been telling me at work to go home, but my boss. Which normally I'm sure she would, but we have corporate reports to do, and I don't want to put her in a bad position.

So here I sit, in misery, letting you know it may be awhile til the next update. Ugh!

In perfect tradition with the holidays...

It looks as if I have a cold. Damn it! Dry throat. Wet nose. A little ache and a bit warm. Son of a --! And to top it all off, it's reports day. The one day of the month where I get to do twenty reports all on the same day...hold that thought...ok, I'm back. Working from home before I go into work.

Speaking of work...my comic strip has been about work lately...I've added a comment box to my comic strip website...should you feel inclined, please leave a comment.

Yeah, that's it. A pretty lame segue, but what do you expect of me?! I've never claimed to be the next Chaucer. And it's 6 fuckin thirty in the a.m.!

(Okay, what does it say about a person when they know a word, can use it in a sentence, but then have to look up the spelling online? Fuckin segue! It just doesn't look right, does it? Akeelah, I'm not.)

Yay!!!

The funky tree in our yard (once shown in one of my comic strips) is now gone!!! We contacted a tree trimming guy and he was right on the ball. He called with an estimate last night as we were driving home. I asked when they could do the job and he informed me that they had some time then to take care of it. Not only did they remove the tree down to the ground (very impressed with how low they cut it down to), then removed the debris, and even raked the little debris up. I was so impressed that I gave them a tip. The guy was a bit surprised, but I'm just of the mentality that if someone does superb work for me...you deserve a little extra recognition for that.

I also asked him for a quote on our palm trees, which quite frankly was very reasonable, but it'll have to wait until later. But the yard looks tons better now. Funny thing is the roommate was a bit peeved because he had the assumption we were gonna pay him to take it down. Not sure how he got that idea when I remember our last conversation being, "Uh, no...we're hiring a professional because the tree is too close to the house." I guess he was banking on that $$ because he hit his fuel line out in the desert and now has to pay major bucks to get it fixed.

Yesterday was a busy day personally. We go the tree taken down, I lost my ATM card (already called it in), and a fish died. I was a bit shocked only because after I paid the tree guy I walked in and started talking to hubby and the roommate. Then I passed by the tank and there was the poor fish, nose to gravel and tail to the heavens. I yelled out in my most snarky voice, "I guess no one's checked the fish tank, huh?" The guys said they had. That kind of pissed me off. Well, take out the fucking fish then!! WTH?!?!

I swear. I'm trying not to be anti-guy, but why do I always have to tell them what to do?! Okay, granted, the roommate did do the back yard last weekend without prompting, but this is like the fifth fish that I've had to point out. WTF?! Not to mention that our trash has been overflowing because out of three freakin people, not one can ever remember to take it to the curb. I wish we just had one of those trash holes that goes in the ground. Then we wouldn't have to remember to take it out, they would just empty it. I wonder how pissed that make the garbage men?

Anyhoo, hubby's yank session has been postponed. Yes, that's what I've nicknamed his fertility session. He couldn't get off....of work. Bastards! He's always telling me how slow it is there right now and they won't give him a couple of hours of unpaid leave to go yank in a cup so we can determine if we're baby-qualified. Fuck! Is this ever going to happen?

I mean it could all be him. What's if it's both of us? What if it's only one of us? Of course, I've had a few good offers if it's him. lol. Men! But how weird would that be? Would we go to a bank? Find a friend? Still how weird to realize that you're having a baby with your husband and some stranger. Or just another guy altogether.

What if it's me? What if we had to find some woman to carry our child? I hate to sound petty, but I'm sure I would have my moments of jealousy and depression with that.

Or we could adopt altogether, but my fear is that we just wouldn't have the same bond. I know...that's harsh, but it's the truth. It's my fear. What if everytime I looked at our adopted baby, I would just think of the one we never had? Of course, I would love any baby we had, but you would be surprised at all the things that go through your mind when you're dealing with these kinds of potential issues.

Then there's the other side altogether. What if we don't have any issues? What then? What if it's just as simple as stress? What then? How do you combat that? Change jobs? Get massages? Wear a heartrate montior?

*sigh*

You HAVE got to see this!

If you're like me and look through magazine articles wondering what makeup, clothes, perfume, exercise equipment to buy to look a little more like 'her', watch this:

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home_films_evolution_v2.swf

I feel like such a 50s housewife...

So Saturday I purchased a new vacuum cleaner. I deliberated over each of the models, and decided upon a fairly inexpensive one. Brought it home, put it together, and turned it on. It spit junk all over the place!!! I don't care if it IS a cheap model. It should vacuum without creating a mess.

So hubby and I took it back. I'm actually surprised they didn't question me about it because all the crap from the floor was all over the vacuum cleaner. It looked at least a few weeks old. But good ole Wal-Mart took it back without blinking an eye.

The next day hubby and I went to Best Buy and once again I headed towards the vacuum cleaner aisle, just to look. I started ranting to hubby that I didn't want to buy an expensive vacuum cleaner but I couldn't find an inexpensive one to pick up the tumbleweeds of pet fur that roll around in our house.

So hubby...bless his heart...pointed me towards the Dysons. I looked at the tag price and and then looked at him like, "Are you freakin crazy?" (For those of you who don't know, Dysons are the cream of the crop for vacuum cleaners. They range from about $400 to $600.) We talked to the sales rep and he assured us that THIS cleaner was MADE for pet hair. Guaranteed to never lose suction, over the life of the vacuum cleaner, attachments galore.

I kept on looking at hubby, then looking at the vacuum cleaner, reiterating, "I don't know...are you sure?" And hubby just kept saying, "You're gonna use it. We need it. You deserve it."

So we bought it! And Oh...My...God!!! It works amazingly!! By the time I finished vacuuming a small patch in the living room, I had about an extra acre of land in the canister. I was amazed!!

Of course hubby got his thank you. Now I have to replace our exercise ball. Don't ask...well okay go ahead and ask. I believe it's everyone's God-given right to yell from the rooftops when they had incredible sex. If I do get pregnant, it will be a hilarious story to tell the kid. "Well see, your dad got me a really good vacuum cleaner...no, you don't understand...a REALLY good vaccum."

And so the insanity starts...

I went to my, ahem, female appointment today. I decided, well hubby and I decided, to inquire about fertility tests.

She gave me some paperwork and a cup for hubby. For moi? A bunch of blood tests. I guess this is supposed to gear me up for the discomfort of being pregnant and labor because she dug around in my left arm...nothing...then she tried my wrist. Under hand. It was a little painful, but what's worse is it was coming verrryyy slllowwwllyy. I had four other vials to fill. Plus I was getting lightheaded...very...lightheaded.

So she switched to the other wrist. The blood poured out of that one and I didn't even feel the needle. WTH?!

So after all that, I have another appointment with the doctor in a few weeks to discuss results and next steps.

Hopefully when that baby comes, I'll have a very humorous story to tell:

"Oh yeah, well I was crucified just for the ability to know if I could get pregnant with you."

Cross your fingers everyone.

New Personal Favorite

I don't know if anyone will get it, but this one cracks me up everytime I look at it. I think it appropriately sums up what hubby and I experience everyday in regards to the kids situation.

Hmmm, now that I think about it, it's always some little boy too that make me react this way.

Not Enough Hours in the Day

I woke up this morning at 5:30 a.m. to the sound of the alarm clock. Squinting out into the darkness, I thought, "Okay, time to exercise! Come'on girl, you can do it...come'on. Move those old bones."

As you can probably guess, that never happened. It's so freakin hard for me to wake up in the morning, much less wake up, jump out of bed, and start exercising. What the hell? Whose idea was this?!?!

So of course, I slept in, woke up, made coffee, weighed myself and realized..."yep, shoulda exercised".

Damn that comfortable bed!

Hair is gettiing long

Just a pic update. My hair is getting long, and a bit frizzy at the bottom, but I tried something new today and I think it worked out well. Trying to avoid getting it cut, because no one seems to do a good job anymore. (sigh)

So busy

Thank you guys, for your words of encouragement! You're the best!!

So, I would have blogged earlier, but I've just been so busy. Been going around to a lot of appointments and while I haven't been able to post a comic a day, I've been trying to post at least every other day.

Hubby and I had our 9th wedding anniversary yesterday. Yay! We went out to go look for a new cross necklace for hubby, but oddly enough in the nation well known for being over-run with 'christians', we couldn't find a decent cross. The weirdest one we came across was at Sam's Club. It was large, gold, and gaudy (you know, just as Jesus would have worn). It had the crucified Jesus on it (which admittadly creeps me the f*** out), but in addition, he was on a cross on an anchor. All merged into one. Odd.

Anyway, afterward we went to FEZ. I had the pistachio ceaser salad and he had an American burger on ciabatta bread. It was very yummy. However...later that night...

***Warning! Female related rant. Male readers beware of 'that time of the month' talk***

My 'visitor' came a knocking early yesterday, however I was feeling fine up until about bedtime. I started to get a little crampy, but nothing major. At about 2 a.m. this morning, it hit me FULL FORCE. I think I would have preferred giving birth to the nightmare that was this a.m. Such horrendous pain. I woke up and rushed towards the ibprofen and the heating pad. To no avail, I grabbed my handy vibrator (don't laugh, it works). Still to no avail, the pain was so bad, I ended up throwing up. It was that kind of feeling were you feel like you're going to throw up, but you don't, but if you don't you won't ever get to feel better because you feel lik eyou're going to constantly throw up. So...I threw up. Right after, I felt better. I'd say about 15 minutes after that I was able to get asleep.

Poor hubby, bless his heart. He had no idea, other than I have been experiencing pain. However, this morning, he woke me up nicely, made me coffee, and was sweet as could be trying to get me into the shower. Usually he bugs me about being late, but not today. What a sweetie.

***End of female rant***

So now I'm at work. Don't want to be, but feeling better. I can't wait til this day is over. Bleh!

Huh?

I've been wanting to update, but just really wasn't sure what to say. Life has been chaotic, but nothing I can't deal with...psychotically.

I listen to my inner thoughts, and man...are they mean. But life in general has been a bit frusrating for the past few months, so I can't really blame myself.

Through out all the stress at home, I was also reflecting on why it's been so difficult and why I've been holding people at arms length. I believe part of my negative attitude towards people in general stems from the loss of some very close friends in the past few years. First it was my friend Hippo. I didn't realize, but she was a great friend to vent with. In addition to being a good listener and an empathetic friend, she was also great at discussing taboo subjects, our personal favorite topics were always sex, philosophy, and why the hell men can't (fill in the blank).

After she left, I had two good friends remaining. one lived out in the boondocks and we would have general fun. The only issue was that she wasn't very good with deep discussions. But that was okay, because I had one very close friend remaining...Sean.

Sean was someone I could discuss anything with. This is the kind of person you could relay some of your craziest notions, and he would say, "Me too!!" We spent many an hour just talking or playing Scrabble. Then he left...another state. I think I've received a total of three emails from him since he left. The last one quite a few months ago. (sigh)

So top that with some stressful events in life and you have a very stressed and lonely Onyx.

I'm managing. Like I said, I still have some good friends, but they're busy with their own lives, and I can't quite blame them if they don't want to get involved in the insanity that is my house lately. I'm not quite sure what to do with this revelation, I guess if nothing else it just validates my feelings.

Happy Birthday Hippo!!!

Howdy All!

I am exhausted. Been getting a lot done around the house...although my ceiling fans are not installed yet. You ask a man...(sigh).

Anyway, got my new bed. Put on the fresh linens. It looks better however it's in major need of some paint and some rugs. I think if I just got those two done, it would looks scads better. But I must admit I'm procrastinating. It's such a pain to move all the furniture again just to paint. Ugh!

Other than that got NO work done done this weekend. Not by choice. It seems that every single thing I tried to accomplish this weekend was Fubared by a co-worker. He drives me nuts. Freakin...fuckin..nuts.

I was able to get a comic strip done though. I felt better about that. I was finally able to work a friend into the strip. Been meaning to do it for awhile. There are others, but I'm not going to introduce everyone at once.

By the way, I picked up the lastest Pearls Before Swine collection. If you're a fan of PBS or just comics in general, this would be a good book to get. Part of what I love about the author is he'll makes comments about the strips themselves. Oddly enough, it's comforting to know he goes through pretty much the same process I do to get my strips done. Some things we have in common:

- Reworking a strip over and over and over... until we feel it's finally good. As Stephen says, this could take half and hour to several.
- Using people we know as characters in the strip. He doesn't do it as much as me, but hey, if you were in his strip you could bet money you'd meet your demise by panel three.
- He started on the web. He's had to rework a few to be acceptable in the paper.

Anyway, you can find it here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0740761552/ref=nosim/unitedmedia

I am a redecoratin’ fool!!!

We bought three fans yesterday. Quite nice too. Even have remote controls. I also bought a twin bed for myself. It’s very plush. I’ll slide it right in next to hubby’s firm mattress. Hmm, I didn’t mean that to sound sexual.

I also plan on doing: landscaping the front yard, installing sprinklers in the backyard, getting new bedroom furniture, painting the bathroom, fixing a couple of windows…very busy. I keep figuring out things to do around the house in my mind. I need to just be patient and do a little at a time, but I’m so excited. Those freakin’ fans I’ve wanted to replace since the day we moved in. I’ll make sure to take plenty of pics when we’re done.
Now lessee, what else needs to be done?

And then I realized...

that you could write possibly the most beautiful post ever written about your husband's love for you now and Blogger will completely erase it from existence in the blink of a fuckin' eye!!!!

Arrrrghhhhh!!!!!!


Stupid fucking Blogger. Fuckin, fuck, fuck, shit!!!!

Romance Movie

First it was Beauty and the Beast. Then Gone with the Wind. Then I was reading romance novels (still am). Now it's The Last Kiss.

Blue and I dragged my husband to go see this movie. It was 3 and half stars, I figured worth seeing. I had seen the previews to this movie and thought the main characters feeling about no more surprises left in life rang true to my own. I've looked forward to puberty, my first kiss, my drivers license, losing my virginity, graduating high school, graduating college, graduating college again, getting married,buying a house...what now? What's left to do but work, have kids and die?

But this movie had another issue. In it the father of the girlfriend tells the main character that if he really loves his daughter, he will do anything. Without spoiling the ending, it was very romantic, but in a realistic kind of way. After getting out of the movie, I was remarking how the movie was very realistic in the way they argued and thoughts about life. Hubby pipes in with how he has done the same romantic gestures...with previous girlfriends. PAST girlfriends...not current wives, past girlfriends.

So I mentioned to him that he had never done anything so romantic with me. And two things happened:

- He said, "Yep, because you're easy." Of course he said this jokingly, but I thought, "You're right. I am." I have been through a LOT of shit with him. Had I divorced him, gave up, I don't think ANYONE would have held it against me, except him. And sometimes I don't think he would have either.

- And second, I started thinking once again about past comments on love made by him. I began questioning whether he truly, really was emphatically in love with me. I don't doubt that he loves me know. But it's a safe and comforting love. And he has told me before how when he married me, he did love me, but he wasn't in love with me. That he's grown to love me. Like we were an arranged marriage or something.

For someone who's grown up believing in true love. That heart-wrenching, gut-punching, butterflies in the stomach, can't breathe whenever their in the same room love; to hear someone pretty much settled for you...is devastating.

Oddly enough, when we met I was incredibly in love with hubby. And now I think, "Shouldn't that be enough? Knowing that he loves me know. Knowing that I loved him like that at least once? That I believed we were in love like that?"

But for right now, somehow it isn't. Knowing that no one ever loved me like that. That no one ever felt like they would just die if they didn't hold me in their arms soon.

And perhaps part of it is that when you've had it before, you can perhaps still have that small glimmer of hope that you'll have it once again. Safe in the knowledge you had it at least once when most people have never experienced it in the first place. But when you've never had it...what do you hope for? You can't hope for it AGAIN. It seems futile to hope for something like that in the future. You have those feelings only at the beginning of the relationship.

So where does that leave me? And that's where I'm at right now.

Back from Vacation

Did I mention I was going on vacation? Granted, it was a very short one. I had Friday off but we didn't leave until Saturday afternoon. Well let me backup here...

Last week my sis-in-law was in town with her husband and they're three kids. They live in California...wait, hold your response...they live in Escondido, CA. Yeah. Anyway they drove in because her hubby had some conference to go to here in Phoenix. So,

Friday I took off work and hung out with sis. Then they had a birthday party at the hotel that was both nice and a disaster at the same time. I think I'll explain that one later.

Saturday, I went to WW with Blue, then all three of us went out for breakfast. Blue agreed to watch the house and the animals contained within it until we got back. And then we left for Showlow.

Four blissful, crisp and cool, lazy days in Showlow.

We lazed around. Went to see a movie. I made pork chops and mashed potatoes for one dinner. Went out for the other dinners. I did work a little and then got yelled at by my boss for working on vacation. I didn't even do a comic strip! I didn't even check blogs!

Unfortunately my monthly visitor showed up Monday and I was in horrendous pain for one of those days. But better to get it relaxing in Showlow then stuck behind some desk.

Oh and I stopped drinking Diet Coke and started drinking water. I feel a WWHHHOOOLLLEEE lot better.

Ciao, everyone!!

Comic Updated!!

I'll do a personal blog post later. I'm exhausted.

So much to do, so little time

So I have a new toy!

A friend of mine had a Dell Axim x50v (PDA) for sale. He has a new one and no longer needs the Dell anymore. I jumped at the chance to get it! I had a Palm (which I love Palm) but pocket pc is so much better at syncing with my Outlook. Plus it has Word and Excel so I'm good to go.

But damn! If it ain't a bitch to find good freeware for pocket pc. Eventually I found an emulator that lets me run Palm apps on my pocket pc. So life is good.

I told my boss all this and she just cocked an eyebrow and said, "You're such a geek."

I knew it the moment I saw him that he wasn't the one...

saStupid freakin appraiser. I should have known when I heard the bloody English accent. Now, Hippo. Would you say that 23rd street and Osborn is

a) comparable to were we currently live?
b) comparable but slightly lower in quality of the neighborhood we live in?
c) a freakin hellhole of despair...compared to where we live?

He apprasied our house at 20k LESS than what Zillow says!! When this guy came he took a look around for maybe a whole 10 freakin minutes, didn't even LOOK at the roof, then got in hi car, turned in his appraisal late AND pissed me off!!

Well at least it was for refi. We're well within our safety percentage...but still...pout, pout.

Other than that, I spent two hours at mom's last night setting up her freakin wireless router. Which wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that she was also swicthing to laptop and her last pc had ethernet to usb. Ugh!!!

So I tried to install the usb driver to the modem (per instructions of the router you need to have the wireless pc verify internet connection through LAN before setting up the wireless connect). It wouldn't install! So I called Cox and they said just to use ethernet. Duh! Makes sense. Anyway, I take the router ethernet cable and plug it into the laptop and the modem. Well unfortunately eventually I needed another ethernet cable and my mom is so old school technology wise that I had to run to Walgreens to get some (btw don't do this if you need ethernet. They have 20 kinds of audio visual cords, but only a cheapy laptop phone/ethernet adapter that is a pain)

Well long story short I eventually got it set up. Thank God.

Well I have to get to work. Hasta!!

Boringly Busy

Goodness! It's feels like everything and nothing is going on in my life at the same time.

Hubby started a new job. He doesn't particulary like it except for the fact it's close and easy (typical guy, huh?). Anyway, I'm a little concerned because he's supposed to be a ocntractor but I noticed they're having him do things (like sign employee handbook pages) as if he were a permanent employee. I'll have to talk to him about that later, because I know he doesn't want to stay there indefinately.

I'm been cleaning house a lot lately. It looks pretty good. I started in on the FLYlady group. She gives a bunch of daily tasks that make it easy to stay on top of cleaning around the house.

We're in the process of refinancing the house. Yay and SOAB! This will free up some money for us to save or work on the house, however it's such a pain to go through the process. Appraiser comes over on Friday. Bleh!

Yeah, I'm in a total suck ass mood. I'll holler later.

When it rains, it pours...

Okay, well not literally in Arizona. Figuratively.

So hubby had a followup at the dentist today. I wanted to chew his head off because he scheduled the appt this morning, and didn't tell me until I got out of the shower. Partially I'm pissed because I had to work form home this morning. And partially because I thought we were running late and didn't wash my hair. This is the third day. Supposedly you're only supposed to wash twice a week, but man, I feel skanky.

Last night the dog got out...again. It was the rain. She hates it. Which is weird because she breaks out and runs IN it. So from now on, no more wet doggies.

Yesterday we got a lovely peice of mail from the City saying we had to take care of our dead tree. We knew we had to, and our house doesn't look THAT bad, but man our neighbors piss me off. I told hubby once it was trimmed, I'm going to put a whole bunch of pink flamingoes and garden gnomes out there. No city ordinance about that. Fuckers!

Of course, I'll never do it, but it's nice to dream. Maybe I should just for a week or so to get them really nervous. Assholes.

Anyway, we called around for someone to trim the tree and guess what? It's dead. Disease ridden. So just to remove and dispose of this is $300. For that much money I expect a eulogy and some damn good Irish whiskey to accompany it.

In addition to that, hubby says if we want the tree (oops, better clarify the tree for my buddy...it's the grapefruit, not the other one...but that one's looking pretty sparse too after this horrible summer we had), so if we want to replace the tree with another, we'd have to treat the soil. Get rid of the disease. And then we have to make that difficult decision on whether to replace it with another big one (another $300) or a smaller one.

We love our house. We just hate being off the street. And considering we have to refinance anyway this month, we may just go all out and get the front landscaped. Wouldn't that be loverly?!

Anyway, I'll keep you posted.