Ashamed and Grateful

Tonight I went to a friends. Well I guess she's more of what's in between an acquaintance and a friend.

I met her through my dog. Java got out one day while we were at work. I freaked out. I jumped back in the car and started tooling the neighborhood. I didn't have to look far. This friend, we'll call her R, was walking along with my dog and three kids.

Ever since then, she'll stop by at the house to say hi. She walks by our house everyday as she picks up and drops off her kids by walking by our place.

She has three kids and has things kind of hard. She just got over a relationship with a dick and he took a lot of her stuff. In addition to that she was unemployed for two months. I just could not imagine.

So anyway, we saw her on the road Sunday and stopped to say hi. Usually we'll give her and the kids a ride, but they were so close to home, we didn't have to. She invited us over to her place on Monday night (today) to celebrate her daughter's 8th birthday.

I've been to her apartment before. Blass her heart, I'm sure she tried to take care of the place but with three rambunctious kids and looking for a job, I'm sure it's hard. The apartment complex she lives in isn't the best. As a matter of fact, two neighbors out of two tonight mentioned the fact that the complex was notorious for drugs. This is were we get into the ashamed part.

First of all, I was uneasy leaving my purse anywhere and also leaving the car where I could not see it. All I kept thinking was, "Shame on me" and "Is the car still there?"

It's odd considering that I grew up in South Phoenix. Bad neighborhoods and housing developments are certainly not foreign to me. But now...well I'm ashamed to admit I feel a bit out of place. I feel uncomfortable. Not sure what to say, being careful not to sound snobbish. I feel ashamed just saying that. I'm such an egotistical bitch lately.

Hubby and I are just so excited to be finally working in our careers and afford nice things, much less gas money and a phone. So I'm sure everyone is sick of us talking about our new toys, or our future plans, yada, yada.

One good thing though, is I have a new found respect for our lifestyle. We have it so fucking good compared to a lot of people. I want to share. I want to help. I'm just not sure where to start.

I think I'll ask R if she wants to go out sometime. Or go over there and kick it. I need to stop being such a snobbish prick. She's so sweet and really fucking hate that I'm even writing this. But it's how I feel and part of the whole reason why I started blogging. To withhold would be hyprocritical.