Unwritten Laws at Work

1) Bathroom etiquette -

If all the stalls are empty, please do not proceed to inhabit the one right next to me.

This morning I go in the bathroom and there wasn't a single soul there. (Which I prefer, because I really do think it's apeish to pee and defecate in a room where everyone else can hear you.) So I'm sitting there on the porcelain throne, when someone comes in and sits in the stall RIGHT NEXT TO ME!

Always...this always freakin happens. There is like 6 other stalls, and they always have to pick the one next to me. Why is that?

So while I'm sitting there, I can see her sandaled foot underneath the separator. I felt like pushing my foot next to it and touching it with my sandaled toes. Then when she shrieks out in horror, simply explain, "I thought by your taking the next stall it was an indicator that you wanted to be close?"

2) Lunchroom etiquette - Coffee

If you drink coffee, and there is only a cup of coffee left in the carafe and you take that cup of coffee...MAKE ANOTHER FUCKIN POT OF COFFEE!!!!!!! Even my boss knows this is a weak spot of mine. Every single freakin time I go into the breakroom to fix myself coffee, there is at least two, out of the three, carafes completely empty. Sometimes they'll even turn off the heating pads and set the empty carafes to the side, like it fucking helps or something!!!

So every day, at least five times, I have to play coffee waitress and make the freakin coffee that someone else neglected to make.

3) Lunchroom etiquette - Refrigerator

Ladies and gentlemen, the refrigerator at work does not work like at home. Especially for you kids that at age 35 still live with your parents. It doesn't automatically fill itself. You can not take anything you please that looks good to you. That includes my 5 freakin dollar a bottle coffee creamer. It also does not include my South Beach Diet frozen meals. If you don't stop, I'll be tempted to either put blue dye or rat poison in my next batch. You decide which one it will be.

4) Just Leave Me the Fuck Alone!!!!

This isn't really etiquette based, I'm just freakin busier than hell and I still have to be put on a list, like every Joe Schmoe, to try to get box seats to Weezer. Do you know how many OT hours I've worked? Know how many $$s I've saved the company? Do you know how frustrated I'm becoming? Box seats to Weezer really wouldn't cost you that much in the ways of a little appreciation. I enjoyed the Suns box seats, but Weezer seats would totally kick ass and make me happy for months.

So there's my latest rant. Not depressed today, just irritable. Let's just say you better not steal my coffee and then plop yourself in the stall next to mine or it's 'some scenario that's really bad but I'm too pissed to be witty about' time.