So, I think it's about time I updated you on the status of Onyx. I've certainly been busy. I was hoping that keeping busy would keep me distracted from pondering life and all the depressing things. However, that hasn't been true. I just seem to get pissed that I'm so busy.
I think I made a few breakthroughs though. I was reading that self-help book and it suggested an exercise I thought was completely dumb. It suggested that the issues I have stem from mommy/daddy issues. Now, I've always assumed I had daddy issues, but tried not to blame my insecurities and in general, fuckupedness, on this. But in the spirit of the book, I followed this exercise of closing your eyes and remembering the earliest memory in which I felt abandoned. Fully expecting to remember my father ditching me, I was surprised by the atcual memory that bubbled to the surface...
It was my mother. It was my mother focusing on my step-father's needs when he was around. It was my mother lavishing me with attention when my step-father wasn't around. And ignoring me when he was.
This took me by complete surprise. And as much as I hate to admit it, it does make sense.
Anyway, that's as far as I've gotten so far. All my other time has been taken up with work and Toastmasters. Not much just relaxing and enjoying life. Although, I did buy a new purse...and matching wallet...and matching change purse. That was nice.
Spent the entire weekend at a TM convention, then looking at houses. The former was definately exhausting, but interesting. Okay, so was the latter.
Okay, okay, I really have to go to bed. But I'll share more later. And swear to visit more. Hope everyone is doing okay. Laters.
