Where do I even begin?

I suppose at my state of mind. Well that sounds easier than it really is. How about my physical status? I'm horribly tired. Between getting ready for thanksgiving, work, and driving Ricky in, I'm soooo tired. And I have come to realize that being tired is not good for me. It's makes me irritable, impatient, uncaring, just a bad person all around. So I suppose my first concern would be to make sure that I have enough rest. The rest? Well I think I'm suffering from a mid-life crisis. At least this was my announcement last night. Sitting with Sam and Ricky, I just came to a sudden realization and blurted it out, "OMG, I'm having a mid-life crisis!" So now they won't stop bugging me about it. "So tell me about your mid-life crisis. What are you going to do about it? Why do you feel this way?" So I immediately thought, "This is why I don't share." (then imagine a grumpy cat face) Ugh! Why do I share this stuff? I already feel sensitive about sharing personal info. Especially this. Hell if I know how I feel or what I'm going to do about it. So now I need to figure out what to do or even if I'm right. And get some sleep. Ugh.

Holidays

Holidays are always so stressful for me. I've pretty much been depressed since Saturday. I don't know if it has anything at all to do with turning 40. Some of it is that both my parents are passed away. It's rough celebrating a day that wouldn't have occurred without them. On top of that, Ricky hasn't gotten my gift yet. I know this because we share bank accounts. It's not that he hasn't gotten it, it's that I gave him $200 for the week, and he spent it. Which left me taking money out of my budget for birthday dinner. And then Fallout last night. Which makes me nervous that he's going to take more money out of the account, that I can't afford, for my gift. I'm all in knots about it. On top of that, Anne invited me to a birthday dinner at Jordans tonight. She invited my aunt and grandma, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen, so now I'm all anxious about it. Then, I'm also sick. Allergies have got me coughing and feeling like crap. My preferred event to celebrate this day so far? Crawl into bed and sleep through it.

Frustration

My frustration seems to be mounting and my patience wearing thin. I had several issues this morning which I probably could've handled a bit better. Par for the course, I'm an sick. I think it's just allergies, but this always happens around my birthday. My throat is in a constant status of irritation. Whether an itch or sore, it's constantly annoying me. This does not put me in a good mood for patience. Ridley and I drove Ricky into work today. We left about 6:30 a.m. Ricky was impatient himself. Work had called him a dozen times and he was feeling pressure from all sides. Because both me and the boy weren't feeling well and we had time to spare, I mentioned getting a hot chocolate to the boy. He liked the idea. I perused my mind for the best options which would also be the most efficient. I considered Quiktrip, which would be the least expensive but the most time consuming potentially considering the traffic. I settled on Starbucks at Frys. I had attempted to go there twice last week, but they were out of decaf (if I have caffeine my body literally freaks out), but had assured me that they're next delivery as in two days. I got Rids out of the car, we walked to the locked door, went to another locked door, then finally found an open one. The ladies were unloading their wares and I asked if they were open. They assured me they were and asked what I wanted. I asked for a hot chocolate, not too hot for my boy, then asked for their Toasted Graham Latte Decaf...to which she replied they had neither Toast Graham Lattes or Decaf. I was pissed. Upon reflection, I probably should not have been. But I just wasted my time because they couldn't manage a coffee shop IN A GROCERY STORE. Anyway, I cancelled ALL of my order and took Rids to Quiktrip. Were apparently they were out of whipped cream and the machine went out before the hot chocolate, but we were able to dispense our own, so no big deal. I dropped Rids off at school and apparently spending QT (quality time) with my kid is detrimental to both of our sanities, because he literally clung to me at school. Would not let me out the door. The male teachers just stared in boredom while I drug my 4 year old across the floor reiterating mommy would be back soon. Finally he stayed in place and screamed and cried because I was leaving. I literally wanted to drop on the floor right then and there and cry with him. But I mustered my mommy strength and left while feeling massively defeated. I still had a whole day to do. I had to get ready for vacation tomorrow (I told him we were going to Disneyland tomorrow...together...why wasn't that enough for a guilt-free separation today?) I had to deal with my allergies (in my rush I forgot my medication). I had to figure out why I was so emotional and why I mistrusted my roommate. Too much. Too much. I almost got run over (again) on my way back to the car. See? This is why I'm such a bitch. I should see the good in today right? My child loves me. I get to go to Disneyland tomorrow. I have some money to vacation. I DIDN'T get run over. Right? PMA!!! Ugh, go fuck yourself.