So much has occurred...

The past week has been full of drama and suspense in the family!

First Ricky got a call back from his doctor in response to his testing. Worried as hell we had to wait a few hours before seeing him. Everything passed though both of our meds from cancer to STDs. (It's like being pulled over for speeding, you still wonder if there's a warrant for your arrest for a 10 year old ticket that more than likely never existed.) Once we got the doctor though, we learned his diabetes was just seriously out of check. He prescribed meds and an all plant based, whole foods diet. I think Ricky would have rather been diagnosed with cancer.

Thursday I went into the psych. That was quite the experience. I hurriedly explained my childhood and adulthood in 45 minutes. We covered everything from the roommate (which I don't think she was so pleased by) to my anxiety in general. I told her about my fear of going to hell for the big A word and she told me matter-of-factly, if not a bit irritated, that the bible was written long ago by a bunch of old, white dudes. So not sure how to take that. Then she told me I need meds. Or rather I should get checked for meds. So I sat there and told her how uncomfortable I am with meds and she explained that it would probably be good for me. That I've been like this all my life, so essentially I'm crazy. All in all, I wasn't exactly sure how to feel coming out of that session. Change is never comfortable but it was all so weird. She also told me to stop focusing on lists, and focus on myself. I think I know what she means, but my 45 minutes was up and she was hurrying me out the door.

Saturday we went to Phils for his birthday. There was more kids than adults there and we all came back home feeling bloated because we ate meat. Ugh.

Okay, my mind is done. The roommate came out and for some reason she drives me nuts. Like just nuts. Enough for today. I have a full set of things to do.

How can an hour be so long?

Okay granted, it's slightly longer than one hour. From 1:30 to 3:00 p.m. This is the time we have wait to see Ricky's Dr. His test results are back and I'm on edge. Probably much less than him, but fuck, shit, cunt. I'm allowed to curse. If any moment requires cursing, this would be it.

I hope it's a moment which I'm being overly dramatic. I hope we get into the office and the Dr says to cut back on meat. I hope he's low on Vitamin D. At this point I would love for it to be an STD. But for now, my mind will impatiently tap it's foot and try not to think of the many possible outcomes.

I heart my husband immensely. I will be there for him no matter what. I just hope that "what" is manageable.

Coloring my hair

Ricky said for his birthday he wants me to dye my hair again. Of course, it looks horrid right now. And I need to decide what to color it, but part of me feels guilty for spending so much money on something so trivial. I feel like all of our money goes to trivial stuff. Pop figures, video games, movies, apps, hair, clothes, an overabundance of food. I'd really like to try to get a handle on this. We spend way to much and we were doing really well and just fell off the wagon with the tooth and the bike. And now my hair. Grrrr... Well hair can come out of birthday money or whatever I guess. But still... I started reading the Art of Happiness, but I'm hesitant to believe it can help. I feel so guilty for everything. I feel so bad because there are so many people out there starving and hurting and I'm doing nothing. Well I donate "some" money, but come on. Ugh.

When it rains, it pours

Ricky's face is all swollen like a puffer fish and he says he feels lightheaded. The plumbing in the house has decided to go crazy. In addition to the fact that the landlord is coming out tomorrow and I need to fix the bathroom shower. The bike that Anne gave me requires a new tire, brake pads and a flush. HorrorCon and Comic-con and the boys birthday is coming up. So needless to say I have a little to stress about. On top of it all, a close friend of ours is waiting to hear about a new job outside the state. And there could be a good possibility we could move as well. So much to think about. So much to be anxious about!