Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Fifteen Years from Now

Okay so I can't read any further in my book until I get this done. Because I know if I don't, I'll never get it done. But it's important. Where do I see myself fifteen years from now or rather 26 things on my bucket list. Why is this so darn hard for me? I always question my decisions. Are they good ones? Are they selfish? #firstworldproblems

First off, where do I see myself 15 years from now. Well, hopefully alive. And in good physical and mental health. Rids will be 20. Wow, what a thought. I see him as a passionate young man, who knows his parents are there to support him but not baby him. I see myself with Ricky. Still laying in bed together, sharing ideas and feelings. I see myself as a successful businesswoman. Having helped set the company for success and being a leader in healthcare. Taking care of those who need it most. We are financially stable but always there to help others. We still have our clan of friends and we meet frequently, experiencing the most life has to offer. We've travelled the world and experienced culture. From tourist to genuine culture. I've helped set up programs to help those less fortunate. Did I mention I'm healthy and physically fit? I know who I am and where I fit in and felt I've made a lasting positive effect in the world.

1) Worked through my issues with my therapist
2) Physically fit and can run
3) Travelled the world
4) Be there for my family
5) Continue to have friends and family over for get togethers
6) Be a leader in my company to helping out those in need
7) Have all my teeth fixed and my family's
8) Live a healthy lifestyle
9) Experience a rock star lifestyle
10) Go back to NYC
11) Establish a learning clinic for those who need better skills
12) Study all religions
13) Have a phenomenal IQ
14) Be highly sexual and passionate with my husband
15) Experiment sexually
16) Have a fun work environment
17) Have a fun home
18) Have very close relationships with people
19) Have a tremendously good relationship with my husband
20) Go see a big celebrity in Vegas
21) Learn to drive like a bodyguard
22) Not be afraid of death
23) Learn to play basketball
24) Do gymnastics
25) Learn to fight
26) Learn more about politics and social structures

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Super Tired

Yes, I'm THAT type of nerd. I played DND until 1 am last night. And then my boy decided to wake fully up at 5:30 in the morning. Damn you child!

However, I let his dad sleep in, so I can catch up to some work and some house work. It's peaceful here right now. Just have to remember to get in some good activity time with the kid. He's currently playing Minecraft. In the immortal words of Corbin Dallas, "It'll rot your brains out kid."

My emotions keep going in roller coaster waves, from "I can totally handle this!" to "WTF are you doing? Is it too late to back out?"

Things seemed less chaotic as a grunt. Now I'm a manager, it's like giving birth all over again. Let me give you an example. Friday afternoon, no meetings, perfect time to experience peace and quiet and catch up on requests. But no. One of my team decides to rely on me for a lot this afternoon. This is someone who would normally work with someone else, but they are out on vacation. And now I've opened that can of worms ("lemme help you!") and now it can't be unopened. Parenting in the first year is a lot like that. You want to get sleep but there's this tiny little helpless human being demanding to fed right this second. Okay not exactly the same, but similar. It's exhausting. Social interaction!

I just have to remember that it will become habit eventually. I'll find my groove. It will be all good.

Monday, September 11, 2017


So much going on in the world today. Hurricanes in Florida, wildfires in CA and Montana, Trump being an idiot. Yes, I said it. Everyone is either afraid to share their political views or gets in your face about it. I get it. But guess what? I don't like Trump. You may like him. We don't have to get heated or crazy or even passionate about it. I think the only reason people are passionate about the guy is because they either believe he's gonna save everyone or they feel they have to protect their opinion.

Guess what? I you say you like Trump, I'm probably gonna not like it, but I'll still like you. Unless you drown puppies or something, then you're a dick.

So, today I'm feeling so tired and achy, and my tummy hurts. So I stayed at home. I hate this damn "manager" schedule anyway. Most of my people work from home MOST of the week. I get it, being there in person, working with customers, does help. But mostly I don't see them in person either.

Right now, I just want to curl up in my bed and go sleeps. I'm sure my husband feels even more so. He mentioned time off today. I should push him about that.