Ever post things where you know people won't read them?

I miss you mom. I miss waiting til midnight.

Epiphany

No, I didn't have one. Well...perhaps a small one. However, what I'm talking about is that standard scene in a film or a book in which the main character has an epiphany about their life and everything changes and improves from that moment on.

I'm here to tell you life doesn't work that way.

It's more of a an outward progression made in circles and valleys. You have an epiphany, you make a change, you falter. You dust yourself off or have another epiphany, you make a change, you falter. However, during this process you fall a little bit less harder each time, and eventually you realize that the end goal is in sight.

I'm hoping that's the road I'm on right now. I faltered big time. I fell hard. And I keep falling. But I'm also realizing that I'm not falling as often. And picking myself up seems to come easier and easier. I realize I still have a few big obstacles in my future. But in all honesty, I'm looking forward to them. Encountering them is what is going to ultimately make me a stronger person in the long run.

Just for me

Oh goodness...where the mind wanders...

I am not the same person I was three years ago. Not even a year ago.

I'm horribly self conscious. Self deprecating. Self loathing. Depressed. Unmotivated.

I have my moments. (Usually when I'm not smoking.) Moments when I get ff my ass and do something. Why, starting my blog again, is at least a step in the right direction. But honestly, how did I allow myself to get to this position?

I constantly question myself. My sanity. My intelligence. My looks.

It's time to stop. It's time to respect myself again. My needs, my wants, my self.

I know I'm smart. I'm beautiful. I'm loving. I'm caring.

I just need to tap into that inner core. Remove that bad crust and dig into that inner beauty that once reflected out.

Okay, so I guess it's not enough to say it. I don't care how many times you have an epiphany...it doesn't work like the movies where suddenly you see the light and everything is fixed. Once your aware, you have to take the steps to make habits. So, hmmm, what would be a good step 1?

Stop smoking I think. Oddly enough, I've noticed my smoking not only taking a physical toll, but an emotional one as well. When I'm not smoking, I'm full of energy, and awareness. So perhaps my physical health should be first. This will involve:
1) Stop smoking for 2 days
2) Drink 4 glasses of water every day for a week
3) Do yoga every day for a week

This seems reasonable, yes? I feel better already.

Maybe it's time to start posting again...

I haven't posted due to MANY things going on in my life. I know that usually I've been the kind of blogger that can blog about anything, but some things just can't be blogged at the time it happens.

So what has brought me out of my Blogging slumber?

A few articles, notes, responses, blogs about "nice" guys.

You've probably seen the rants. A "nice" guy has been jilted by a girl who decided to date a "douchebag". According to said nice guy, she's a heartless bitch that doesn't know what's good for her. So, as a girl who has turned down a few "nice" guys, let me offer some more insight into why...

First of all, don't ever pass judgment or belittle someone for not dating or falling in love with another person. There's a reason why "plenty of fish in the sea" exists as a term. We are all different people, with different needs and wants and preferences. If you don't have chemistry with a person, you shouldn't be forced to or asked to explain yourself. It's just not there. Respect that person and move on to another person who WILL reciprocate. You deserve the best, which means not bargaining for affection and love.

Next, an explanation as to why a girl is not turned on by the nice guy. Honestly, there are many reasons, but most importantly, there's no excitement. I've dated quite a few nice guys and believe me, I've always wanted to feel passionate about them. Knew they were good guys. Tried repeatedly to date them, hoping the spark would show up, but either (A) it wasn't the right time or (B) we never really did anything that made me feel more than amicable. No heated debates, no sparring comments, no flirty gestures. I understand that as a nice guy, saying something out of character poses a risk. You want to be on your best behavior, say all the right things, do all the gentlemanly moves in order to avoid the slightest risk of offending the girl. But first of all, we're all human. We understand that if there's a few aspects to your personality that we don't like, they're overcome by all the ones we do. We want to know your human. Second, some of those traits we actually like. I'm the kind of girl that likes to spar back and forth with some barbed comments. None of the nice guys I dated ever could do that with me. Some were offended. Sorry, I need a guy who can take the challenge. That's okay if you don't like that, but don't expect me to get involved. I need that intellectual stimulation. Just as much as the physical.

Third, for Gods sake, don't think that just because you're a nice guy gives you the right to expect something from a girl then bash her because she's not into you. Isn't that just as bad as the guy who expects something because he bought the girl a drink or dinner? If the feeling isn't mutual, then grow up, realize that it's just not going to happen, and find someone else.

Accept who you are. Accept who she is. If your playing it safe and not showing your true self, then let go and take some risk. Odds are you'll find someone much sooner and it'll be worth it. If that IS you, then great! You'll find someone who loves you for who you are, without feeling obligated.

Niles is...#2

Niles is....Dr. Brown

I'm back...kinda.

Life has been a little rough. Hopefully getting better. Will share more later. Til then...

Frequently, the roommates dog is going through stages of grooming. From short fur to long curly fro fur. During these stages, he looks like someone or something else. Today, he is Kenny Rogers. Well, not Kenny Rogers exactly as the guy who portrays Kenny Rogers on MadTV. So, in the spirit of blogging nonsense, I will be posting pics of Niles is...

Welcome to our first installation.

Niles is a Kenny Rogers impersonator....