Oh goodness. I am not what I was.
I had a few communications with my friends this week regarding wedding shopping and other various things. It's not as close as I would hope. I just haven't been that great of a friend since Ridley. I've been huddled in my world. Focused only on my child and me and our survival. Admittedly any special attention is reserved for Ricky. I've been civil with my friends, but not close. Trying to repair that damage will take a while and getting myself back into habits of unselfishness will take work.
Perhaps it's just me, but having a baby makes you selfish. You center your world around this one little being's survival. It takes all your energy to take care of them and what tiny bit of energy is left is reserved for things like showers or cleaning. I haven't had time much for else. At first I thought it was just a temporary situation, but without a car, it took all my time away from everyone. Now I need to learn to be social again.
It's funny. Over the past years, I've withdrawn into this shell. The thought of a meeting or phone call makes me cringe. I know I can train myself to be social and caring again. I just need to suck it up and jump in.
On a lighter note, I've tried MindBloom and it actually seems to be helping. At least these first few days. Let's hope I can continue to utilize it effectively.
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