Life is full of ups and downs right now. One moment I'll be "meh" and the other I'll be happy. Very bipolar right now.
I don't know if its the weather or life in general right now, but I really want to clean and organize and get the house looking normal and functional. Ricky will be working a lot, so I'll have a lot of time to do this.
Shoot...I forgot to brush riddles teeth again.
So I'll need to set up my to do list in an area I will notice. I think I'm getting a new phone next weekend. I wonder if the watch app has Wunderlist? Wouldn't that be nice!!
Friday, October 31, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Such a long time...
Or at least it feels like it. I don't even remember doing an entry on Oct 23rd. I don't remember doing anything lately.
I go between feeling pumped up and ready to kick the worlds ass (it's what Dad would have appreciated) to just being down and neutral. I'm so tired and I believe half of it is from just overall depression. The death of my father has hit me hard. Between losing a dad, and Ridley losing a grandfather, and just being faced with mortality, it all has me stressing. On top of that, I'm unsure of my new relationship with Anne and my fathers family. I know they are mine too, but it feels stilted as of late. I want to talk about Dad but I don't want to make the newly scabbed over wounds raw in any way. So we usually enjoy a light conversation of current events.
On top of everything, work is now expecting a lot from me. I probably sold myself too well. lol. However I'm staying up late (and actually enjoying the work itself.) Just stressed about getting it done in time. We'll see how it goes.
One of my larger stressors is getting enough money for the house. I'll have to talk to some credit person and also some house person. And see what we can do.
So much I WANT to do and so little I actually CAN.
So many goals and so much guilt. I really need to pull myself together.
I go between feeling pumped up and ready to kick the worlds ass (it's what Dad would have appreciated) to just being down and neutral. I'm so tired and I believe half of it is from just overall depression. The death of my father has hit me hard. Between losing a dad, and Ridley losing a grandfather, and just being faced with mortality, it all has me stressing. On top of that, I'm unsure of my new relationship with Anne and my fathers family. I know they are mine too, but it feels stilted as of late. I want to talk about Dad but I don't want to make the newly scabbed over wounds raw in any way. So we usually enjoy a light conversation of current events.
On top of everything, work is now expecting a lot from me. I probably sold myself too well. lol. However I'm staying up late (and actually enjoying the work itself.) Just stressed about getting it done in time. We'll see how it goes.
One of my larger stressors is getting enough money for the house. I'll have to talk to some credit person and also some house person. And see what we can do.
So much I WANT to do and so little I actually CAN.
So many goals and so much guilt. I really need to pull myself together.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Busy Life
I'm been meaning to get to the blog for ages, but life has been so busy I haven't been able to log anything.
Now I do so out of necessity. Several things have happened, let me start with the most maudlin. My father has passed away. While we knew he only had at most a few good years left, we never anticipated it happening so early. I can still hear him call my name, "Hey Ames." I can still see him playing with Ridley on the sofa. I'm not sure how to feel at times. My dad never wanted to be an invalid, relying on people to change his diaper, not be able to move and enjoy life. However, he was taken so quickly. An accident led to a trach which lead to his heart giving out. October 16th, Thursday morning was the day we all heard. Two days before my wedding. Damn it Dad.
It was decided that Dad would have wanted us to continue with the wedding. It was such a flurry of activity, it kept me distracted from the negative emotions. I was happy to marry Ricky, but the boy was crazy, everything was a blur. I'm still in need of some downtime from everything. Especially with my new husband.
Today is the day we hold services for my father. I'm so depressed, I'm just tired. I want to sleep. Can I sleep for just awhile? Just a little while?
Now I do so out of necessity. Several things have happened, let me start with the most maudlin. My father has passed away. While we knew he only had at most a few good years left, we never anticipated it happening so early. I can still hear him call my name, "Hey Ames." I can still see him playing with Ridley on the sofa. I'm not sure how to feel at times. My dad never wanted to be an invalid, relying on people to change his diaper, not be able to move and enjoy life. However, he was taken so quickly. An accident led to a trach which lead to his heart giving out. October 16th, Thursday morning was the day we all heard. Two days before my wedding. Damn it Dad.
It was decided that Dad would have wanted us to continue with the wedding. It was such a flurry of activity, it kept me distracted from the negative emotions. I was happy to marry Ricky, but the boy was crazy, everything was a blur. I'm still in need of some downtime from everything. Especially with my new husband.
Today is the day we hold services for my father. I'm so depressed, I'm just tired. I want to sleep. Can I sleep for just awhile? Just a little while?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)