Such a long time...

Or at least it feels like it. I don't even remember doing an entry on Oct 23rd. I don't remember doing anything lately. 

I go between feeling pumped up and ready to kick the worlds ass (it's what Dad would have appreciated) to just being down and neutral. I'm so tired and I believe half of it is from just overall depression. The death of my father has hit me hard. Between losing a dad, and Ridley losing a grandfather, and just being faced with mortality, it all has me stressing. On top of that, I'm unsure of my new relationship with Anne and my fathers family. I know they are mine too, but it feels stilted as of late. I want to talk about Dad but I don't want to make the newly scabbed over wounds raw in any way. So we usually enjoy a light conversation of current events. 

On top of everything, work is now expecting a lot from me. I probably sold myself too well. lol. However I'm staying up late (and actually enjoying the work itself.) Just stressed about getting it done in time. We'll see how it goes. 

One of my larger stressors is getting enough money for the house. I'll have to talk to some credit person and also some house person. And see what we can do. 

So much I WANT to do and so little I actually CAN. 

So many goals and so much guilt. I really need to pull myself together.