Freaking out today for a myriad of reasons...

The child had a fit today. He swung at Ricky. Not big, not even intentional I think, but he had a meltdown when Ricky confronted him about it. Then when I took him to daycare, I kept repeating that he needed to listen to his teachers and he kept saying no. That he didn't want to learn. I'm starting to rethink this now. Rids has never really been one for NOT liking something. Especially when it involves other kids. Unsure if its the environment or not being around mom and dad. I think I need to look into this a little further. Hmmmm.....

Sexy Music

The hubby and I went to a painting class the other day...on a work night no less! We were feeling feisty. Or as hubs put it, "we always go to dinner for date night...let's DO something." Glad he did. We packed up the kid and dropped him off at KidsPark (bedtime be damned) and headed over to Pinot's Palette! Now, we did NOT bring wine. I already felt guilty enough knowing Rids was close to meltdown at the daycare place, much less be a drunk parent on top of it. We hung out and had fun. Even met a guy who lost a briefcase on break..outside the store...he said there was something in the briefcase...and tried to sell us a computer he "found". Oh the fun! At the end of the class, I had to sprint over to the daycare to pick up Rids (class ended at 10, and daycare at 9:30). So I ditched my big man for my little man. When I got there, he was standing at the window looking out, waiting for his parents. It broke my heart. He seemed to be in good spirits though, standing there waving excitedly without shoes on. When I asked, they said he was throwing his shoes at things and people. One more hurdle... As I bundled him up in the car, I repeated how we are not to throw things period. And we should listen to our teacher. And how much I loved and missed him. We then headed back to pick up the hubs. Then left for home. The child passed out cold and we got the chance to spend some quality time together. So we kicked back in bed and started to play rock trivia. It was honestly the most fun we've had together for awhile. Not sure what got into both of us. At one point I turned on Marvin Gaye and hubs exclaimed this was a bad idea because anyone within hearing distance would know what we were doing. Okay, switch to the cure station on Pandora. As we started getting intimate, I kept laughing. I don't think I've ever "done it" to music before. It was so surreal and corny. But we continued and actually ended up enjoying ourselves thoroughly. I don't get to spend much alone time with my hubby. I miss it so much. Hopefully this is just the start to a continuing tradition.

Starting afresh...but not before I go "full hog"

Ugh, between turning 40 this year (you didn't hear it from me), just not feeling good and unhealthy, and actually getting tests that say I'm not feeling good and unhealthy, I've decided to make a commitment. A commitment to empty my pockets into a popular weight loss company (which was already getting my money online already.) First meeting was tonight. I do need the support, the positive reinforcement, the accountability. I just keep thinking, what if I die a fatty? I know that sounds a little harsh, but hey, facts is facts. It is what it is. And if I die never having been a "normal" weight...well technically I guess there is nothing I can do about it, but the thought makes me very upset right now. So after gym class with my baby (who had a meltdown, pushed a kid, and climbed into a barrel while another kid rolled him around), I headed to WW. Just the thought of going made me feel better. It's nice to share, get ideas, see I'm not the only one who is emotionally attached to my eating. There were plenty of other people there with low self esteem and a desire to beat themselves up after eating a candy. However, my old body went into overdrive and bought a Wendy's spicy chicken meal on the way home. I'm beyond uncomfortable. I feel my face bloated. My stomach is in my throat. Ugh. But hey, I DID enter it into my journal. An amazing feat. Usually I sweep this stuff under the carpet and pray it doesn't show up on the scale. Progress....