Nobody reads this anymore...

So I'm going to feel free to share my thoughts and feelings without any restriction.

I was laying in bed last night. For some reason thinking of people who think of suicide or perhaps even homicide. And for some reason, it came to me that perhaps just the ability to imagine it on paper would be enough to hold back the want to do it.

I don't know. Odd thoughts always fill me head before sleeping. But regardless, this inspired me to start writing again. And hopefully start doing my cartoon again too. That medium I will share with the world, friends, family.

However, right now I want to share my frustration. In my own head, I've slaughtered her a million times. Stuck my knife in her belly. Slashed her throat. I know, it sounds harsh and dramatic. Believe, I know it does. I don't actually wish her ill will. If I saw her in person again, I'd probably breathe a deep sigh and say, "While I can't be your friend again, I want you to know I feel for you." In my head she always responds with a small thanks and a grateful smile. But sometimes I wonder what her actual response would be? Would she lash out and say "Fuck you bitch!"

I wonder if she still talks to him? What they say? Or is he completely honest? Do they never talk anymore? These thoughts ate me up before. But now, I say no more. I won't let those things which I can't control or even prove, affect me. I will no longer be in a funk. I will control my own emotions. I will judge my life and relationships on the tangible and the observable.

I think sometimes, I'll probably still strangle her in my head though.