Emotional Support

Thanks for all the comments guys. I actually shared with my roommate that I was feeling a little emotional the other day too. Aside from the wonderful support I got from you guys, I got a virtual hug from her and a co-worker/friend of hers (ours), and a couple of hugs from both roommates when I got home.

It's so nice to have friends I can depend on who care about me as much as I care about them. I'd have to say one of the things that I've been learning lately is to share my feelings and insecurities. I can remember one night when I first moved in, I was moping around the house feeling a bit lonely. I kept thinking to myself, "I just really need a hug."

I'd walk out to the living area where the roommates were and try to psych myself up to just ask for a hug. My thoughts were, "Just ask. Come'on. They won't care. Just tell them you're feeling a bit lonely and you just need a hug." I never got around to it though.

The next morning, I saw the female roommate and told her what I had been through the last night. She looked at me, opened her arms, and said, "Don't be stupid. Of course we would have given you a hug. Come 'ere."

It was then I realized that I knew that showing my weaknesses wasn't a weakness in itself. That these were my friends and that they would rather be there for me than have me miserable and keep to myself.

I think I need Sensodyne for my heart

Ugh! I hate feeling emotional. The worse thing is when it just suddenly hits me out of nowhere. I start to feel insecure and rather like a five year old in need of dire attention.

It reminds me of a story my mother told me of when I was younger. Essentially, when I was extremely young, my mother left my father (for good reasons). She packed me up and moved in with her mother (my grandmother). So for years, I lived without a father figure. (Dad was pretty much non-existent, only picking me up for a rare weekend.)

One day, she and my grandmother took me to the park. I was playing around when I spotted a male police officer. Once I spotted him, I ran up and reach up for a hug. Once he picked me up I wouldn't let go, just snuggling into him reveling in all the attention. He turned to my mom and grandmother and said, "You have a really sweet kid here, but may I ask, is the father around?" My mom and grandmother explained the situation and he replied, "Yes, I can tell. Like I said, she's a wonderful girl, but she's seeking the attention of men because her father isn't there. Be careful with her."

Pretty much explains it all, huh?

Yes, I would leave the story there, but I still need to explain what's happened since then. I have always been an attention whore, and shamefully but admittedly, mostly from men. Now, I'm good about not sleeping around. I've only had sex with one person in my life, and that was my husband. But...during our 13 years together, he was never really a snuggler. Even in a relationship I pined to be held, to be hugged, to be cherished. I can remember my lonely teenage years, lying in my bed, wanting someone just to hold. Someone to rub my head and tell me that they would rather be with me than anywhere else in the world at that moment.

So where am I now? I'm getting better. I'm not nearly as emotional as I used to be. However, every once in awhile, out of the blue, and sometimes at the most inane moments...I just want to be held. To be hugged. To be loved and cherished.

If there was some service that sent a guy over to your house just to spoon you at night, they'd be making grand bucks off of me.

Culture Abound!

So Saturday night my roommates/BFFs had to go to Nascar. For days they complained about how boring and hickish it was going to be.

(For those of you who don't know me that well, my father was a racecar driver. Super-modified, but nonetheless. The first car I sat behind the wheel was a racecar, granted I was like a week old. I have fond memories of going to the dirt track with my father's family. So needless to say, racing is in my blood. I did tell them I liked racing but 312 laps was a little too much for even me. Oh, but I digress...)

So all week long I was hampered by the idea that my Saturday night was going to be sitting alone watching Tivo and snuggling with the dog. I racked my brain for any friends I could go out with but they either already had plans or just weren't the 'going out clubbing on a Saturday night' type of friend.

Saturday rolls around and I start thinking positively about my circumstances. I start to think of all the things I could get accomplished Saturday night. Clean house, do laundry, wash the carpets, get a cartoon done, learn guitar...

Just as I was getting settled in, the other roommate and his girlfriend are getting ready for their Saturday night escapades. They turn to me and say, "Hey, we're going to watch some belldancers tonight, the girlfriend is performing. Would you care to join us?"

Hmmm, hell yeah!

So we load up in the car and end up at a Middle Eastern resteraunt with a stage, some tables, and hookahs. The place was packed. We finally found seats and watched the girls. It was extremely interesting. The only odd thing was that when the dancers approached us dancing, I didn't know where to look. I kept worrying, "Should I look at her eyes? Because it seems a little lecherous to look at her body. But isn't that the point? Is looking in her eyes too weird? Do I lean back? Lean forward? Put a dollar in her sari?" I kept imagining the dancers going off stage and warning the others of the freaky redhead who was looking in odd places.

Towards the end of the night, they brought on a live band and an extremely accomplished bellydancer. Word is that she was Bellydancer of the Universe a few years back, and you could tell. We also had chicken kebob sandwiches and greek rice. It was awesome! So much so, I'm craving it now.

BTW, the next day when I talked to the other roommates they thoroughly enjoyed Nascar. I promised to take them to the dirt tracks sometime, buy them some Bud Light and give them mullets.

Hope you guys had as awesome a weekend as I did!

Superhero

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When did I get on the boat?

I hate being sick! For the past couple of days, I've been nauseous. Not enough to throw up, but just enough to be annoying and debilitating.

This weekend was fairly good. I saw the husband on Saturday and was relieved to see that he was doing pretty well. The house goes on market today. Looking forward to that. Hoping we get some bites because the neighborhood is pretty good and the house pretty cheap. Selling a house is a first for both of us, but he seems to be handling it pretty well.

After visiting him, Blueberri and went out to a few bars/clubs. She was promised by a co-worker to be 'taken care of' at a new club that she did an ad for. Unfortunately, nobody knew who he was and we got free cover anyway because it was ladies night. The club was a bust so we went to another bar which apparently had seniors half off night. I'm joking of course, but half the bar was Beach Boy lookalikes and I'm not talking early years here. After about an hour of that, we headed to one of old standbys and played pool for the rest of the night. One of my roommates met up with us and we all talked about what decidely uneventful nights we had.

Sunday I was nauseous all frekain day. We watched movies and just chilled. I think I may have caught whatever bug the roommates had, so we'll see how long I last at work today.

I did start my comic strip again though. I would have done a new one yesterday if not for the fact that I didn't think vomit on keyboard would have been conducive to my drawing.

On Hold

Sometimes I feel like I'm in this haitus mode. I'm not sure what I want to do, who I want to be. I do know that my life has settled down a bit. I'm not going out every weekend and spending scads of money on new clothes or new furniture anymore. Quite frankly I can't afford that luxury right now.

Things have toned down at home, although two of my three roommates have been almost deathly sick. I fear getting the plague myself, but for the moment my stomach is just unsettled.

I haven't been doing my comic strip nearly enough. There just doesn't seem to be the time. In order to do my strips, I have to be focused, and while although I'm gaining clarity, I'm not 100% there yet.

I do have plans this weekend. My uncle is in town. We are having a family dinner. The brother-roommates have plans to go to a concert tonight, so I'm going to go with them. I'm much appreciative that we seem to have common interests. One of my beefs in life was not going to enough cultural events and yes, music takes a big play in that.

This weekend will be a girls night out. Just going out, dancing, and having fun. Catching up. Socializing.

I suppose thats it for the moment. I seem to be antsy to do something, just not sure what just yet.