So where was I?

Ahhh, starting anew. 

Screw it all. I don't know why I've been so stressed. Worst case, hopefully, I get fired, I take a week off, I get working at a temp agency and I look for a new job. 

I can do this. I'm a mom. I'm hearty and I survive. I've also survived my mom being sick, lived in the desert, been the child of divorce, been unemployed, been broke, supported my husband, supported various friends and family, dealt with my mother's death, my dog's death, my two cats death, my husband going crazy, doing drugs, my heart broken, my heart healed and back labor pain for 32 hours. 

Yeah, I can do this. 

So my next focus is...what do I want to do with my life. I've pretty much hit mid-life crisis. I have all this debt. A wonderful family, but also a grandma who's getting on in age, friends who are experiencing life much more differently than I am, and a boyfriend who is probably going to hit aging crisis soon as well (they hit it much sooner.)

I have life I want to enjoy. I want to exercise again and feel strong. I want to sit and read a book. I want to relax and take in a beautiful day. I want to show Ridley all the wonders in life and earth. I want to build my relationships and have deep, meaningful discussions again. I want to renew my passion in life. 

Of course, all this means getting sleep or at least finding some substitute for it. So many things to ponder, but right now...I have to work.