No time!

I feel like the rabbit in Wonderland sometimes. I start a blog entry, get distracted by something that HAS to be done, then lose my momentum when I return back to it (minutes or hours later.) I had this marvelous idea for a blog entry yesterday. Yesterday, I visited the rheumatologist. I'd been worrying about this appointment. In the end, he told me what I had suspected all along. My CRP levels aren't rheumatoid related, they're heart related. All my burger king croissanwiches and frappuccinnos have caught up with me. I'm not the unhealthiest eater around, but I'm not the best either. In a way, when they tell me I don't have some major debilitating illness, I feel almost sad. Why? Because both of my parents suffered from horribleness. I saw my mom suffer for most of my life. My father I watched slowly fade away before the abrupt accident that took him from us. Now I suffer from paranoia that when I go into the dr's office next, I will be diagnosed with some similar illness. Then when I'm given the all clear (come 'on, being told I probably have clogged arteries while still having a normal chol and blood pressure reading, is not an issue, it's just a lifestyle change), I feel guilty. I feel bad that my parents had to suffer. That I could do nothing for them. That I wasn't there more. And in a way, suffering myself would be penance for all the times I wished I was there to take the burden from them. I know my parents would not feel the same way. They'd tell me to rejoice and live life to the fullest. Even though both of them had been sick, they both lived every day to the fullest and most enjoyable (that they could.) Well, looks like work is calling again....