What to do with my life...

I came to the horrible revelation today that we're all living our loves to the acceptable pattern set forth to us by society. Even our rebel natures seem to be a set path, just slightly different from society. I've been watching a new tv show and somewhat questioning what I've done with my life. So obsessed by with what others think...clean house, lose weight, get a job, eat healthy foods. But just because I'm aware of what I don't have to be doesn't mean I know WHAT to be. What do I want out of life? What do I truly want? I want to LIVE life. I want to experience raw emotions. I want to experience joy, and pain, and amazement. But in order to achieve this, I have to start thinking differently. I have to let go of petty emotions (jealousy, annoyance, hatred) and start working on other emotions (acceptance, amazement, joy.) So I suppose the first step is looking around for books that help me do that. Start meditating. Start doing things that are healthy for me to do emotionally.