I am a redecoratin’ fool!!!

We bought three fans yesterday. Quite nice too. Even have remote controls. I also bought a twin bed for myself. It’s very plush. I’ll slide it right in next to hubby’s firm mattress. Hmm, I didn’t mean that to sound sexual.

I also plan on doing: landscaping the front yard, installing sprinklers in the backyard, getting new bedroom furniture, painting the bathroom, fixing a couple of windows…very busy. I keep figuring out things to do around the house in my mind. I need to just be patient and do a little at a time, but I’m so excited. Those freakin’ fans I’ve wanted to replace since the day we moved in. I’ll make sure to take plenty of pics when we’re done.
Now lessee, what else needs to be done?

And then I realized...

that you could write possibly the most beautiful post ever written about your husband's love for you now and Blogger will completely erase it from existence in the blink of a fuckin' eye!!!!

Arrrrghhhhh!!!!!!


Stupid fucking Blogger. Fuckin, fuck, fuck, shit!!!!

Romance Movie

First it was Beauty and the Beast. Then Gone with the Wind. Then I was reading romance novels (still am). Now it's The Last Kiss.

Blue and I dragged my husband to go see this movie. It was 3 and half stars, I figured worth seeing. I had seen the previews to this movie and thought the main characters feeling about no more surprises left in life rang true to my own. I've looked forward to puberty, my first kiss, my drivers license, losing my virginity, graduating high school, graduating college, graduating college again, getting married,buying a house...what now? What's left to do but work, have kids and die?

But this movie had another issue. In it the father of the girlfriend tells the main character that if he really loves his daughter, he will do anything. Without spoiling the ending, it was very romantic, but in a realistic kind of way. After getting out of the movie, I was remarking how the movie was very realistic in the way they argued and thoughts about life. Hubby pipes in with how he has done the same romantic gestures...with previous girlfriends. PAST girlfriends...not current wives, past girlfriends.

So I mentioned to him that he had never done anything so romantic with me. And two things happened:

- He said, "Yep, because you're easy." Of course he said this jokingly, but I thought, "You're right. I am." I have been through a LOT of shit with him. Had I divorced him, gave up, I don't think ANYONE would have held it against me, except him. And sometimes I don't think he would have either.

- And second, I started thinking once again about past comments on love made by him. I began questioning whether he truly, really was emphatically in love with me. I don't doubt that he loves me know. But it's a safe and comforting love. And he has told me before how when he married me, he did love me, but he wasn't in love with me. That he's grown to love me. Like we were an arranged marriage or something.

For someone who's grown up believing in true love. That heart-wrenching, gut-punching, butterflies in the stomach, can't breathe whenever their in the same room love; to hear someone pretty much settled for you...is devastating.

Oddly enough, when we met I was incredibly in love with hubby. And now I think, "Shouldn't that be enough? Knowing that he loves me know. Knowing that I loved him like that at least once? That I believed we were in love like that?"

But for right now, somehow it isn't. Knowing that no one ever loved me like that. That no one ever felt like they would just die if they didn't hold me in their arms soon.

And perhaps part of it is that when you've had it before, you can perhaps still have that small glimmer of hope that you'll have it once again. Safe in the knowledge you had it at least once when most people have never experienced it in the first place. But when you've never had it...what do you hope for? You can't hope for it AGAIN. It seems futile to hope for something like that in the future. You have those feelings only at the beginning of the relationship.

So where does that leave me? And that's where I'm at right now.

Back from Vacation

Did I mention I was going on vacation? Granted, it was a very short one. I had Friday off but we didn't leave until Saturday afternoon. Well let me backup here...

Last week my sis-in-law was in town with her husband and they're three kids. They live in California...wait, hold your response...they live in Escondido, CA. Yeah. Anyway they drove in because her hubby had some conference to go to here in Phoenix. So,

Friday I took off work and hung out with sis. Then they had a birthday party at the hotel that was both nice and a disaster at the same time. I think I'll explain that one later.

Saturday, I went to WW with Blue, then all three of us went out for breakfast. Blue agreed to watch the house and the animals contained within it until we got back. And then we left for Showlow.

Four blissful, crisp and cool, lazy days in Showlow.

We lazed around. Went to see a movie. I made pork chops and mashed potatoes for one dinner. Went out for the other dinners. I did work a little and then got yelled at by my boss for working on vacation. I didn't even do a comic strip! I didn't even check blogs!

Unfortunately my monthly visitor showed up Monday and I was in horrendous pain for one of those days. But better to get it relaxing in Showlow then stuck behind some desk.

Oh and I stopped drinking Diet Coke and started drinking water. I feel a WWHHHOOOLLLEEE lot better.

Ciao, everyone!!

Comic Updated!!

I'll do a personal blog post later. I'm exhausted.

So much to do, so little time

So I have a new toy!

A friend of mine had a Dell Axim x50v (PDA) for sale. He has a new one and no longer needs the Dell anymore. I jumped at the chance to get it! I had a Palm (which I love Palm) but pocket pc is so much better at syncing with my Outlook. Plus it has Word and Excel so I'm good to go.

But damn! If it ain't a bitch to find good freeware for pocket pc. Eventually I found an emulator that lets me run Palm apps on my pocket pc. So life is good.

I told my boss all this and she just cocked an eyebrow and said, "You're such a geek."

I knew it the moment I saw him that he wasn't the one...

saStupid freakin appraiser. I should have known when I heard the bloody English accent. Now, Hippo. Would you say that 23rd street and Osborn is

a) comparable to were we currently live?
b) comparable but slightly lower in quality of the neighborhood we live in?
c) a freakin hellhole of despair...compared to where we live?

He apprasied our house at 20k LESS than what Zillow says!! When this guy came he took a look around for maybe a whole 10 freakin minutes, didn't even LOOK at the roof, then got in hi car, turned in his appraisal late AND pissed me off!!

Well at least it was for refi. We're well within our safety percentage...but still...pout, pout.

Other than that, I spent two hours at mom's last night setting up her freakin wireless router. Which wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that she was also swicthing to laptop and her last pc had ethernet to usb. Ugh!!!

So I tried to install the usb driver to the modem (per instructions of the router you need to have the wireless pc verify internet connection through LAN before setting up the wireless connect). It wouldn't install! So I called Cox and they said just to use ethernet. Duh! Makes sense. Anyway, I take the router ethernet cable and plug it into the laptop and the modem. Well unfortunately eventually I needed another ethernet cable and my mom is so old school technology wise that I had to run to Walgreens to get some (btw don't do this if you need ethernet. They have 20 kinds of audio visual cords, but only a cheapy laptop phone/ethernet adapter that is a pain)

Well long story short I eventually got it set up. Thank God.

Well I have to get to work. Hasta!!

Boringly Busy

Goodness! It's feels like everything and nothing is going on in my life at the same time.

Hubby started a new job. He doesn't particulary like it except for the fact it's close and easy (typical guy, huh?). Anyway, I'm a little concerned because he's supposed to be a ocntractor but I noticed they're having him do things (like sign employee handbook pages) as if he were a permanent employee. I'll have to talk to him about that later, because I know he doesn't want to stay there indefinately.

I'm been cleaning house a lot lately. It looks pretty good. I started in on the FLYlady group. She gives a bunch of daily tasks that make it easy to stay on top of cleaning around the house.

We're in the process of refinancing the house. Yay and SOAB! This will free up some money for us to save or work on the house, however it's such a pain to go through the process. Appraiser comes over on Friday. Bleh!

Yeah, I'm in a total suck ass mood. I'll holler later.

When it rains, it pours...

Okay, well not literally in Arizona. Figuratively.

So hubby had a followup at the dentist today. I wanted to chew his head off because he scheduled the appt this morning, and didn't tell me until I got out of the shower. Partially I'm pissed because I had to work form home this morning. And partially because I thought we were running late and didn't wash my hair. This is the third day. Supposedly you're only supposed to wash twice a week, but man, I feel skanky.

Last night the dog got out...again. It was the rain. She hates it. Which is weird because she breaks out and runs IN it. So from now on, no more wet doggies.

Yesterday we got a lovely peice of mail from the City saying we had to take care of our dead tree. We knew we had to, and our house doesn't look THAT bad, but man our neighbors piss me off. I told hubby once it was trimmed, I'm going to put a whole bunch of pink flamingoes and garden gnomes out there. No city ordinance about that. Fuckers!

Of course, I'll never do it, but it's nice to dream. Maybe I should just for a week or so to get them really nervous. Assholes.

Anyway, we called around for someone to trim the tree and guess what? It's dead. Disease ridden. So just to remove and dispose of this is $300. For that much money I expect a eulogy and some damn good Irish whiskey to accompany it.

In addition to that, hubby says if we want the tree (oops, better clarify the tree for my buddy...it's the grapefruit, not the other one...but that one's looking pretty sparse too after this horrible summer we had), so if we want to replace the tree with another, we'd have to treat the soil. Get rid of the disease. And then we have to make that difficult decision on whether to replace it with another big one (another $300) or a smaller one.

We love our house. We just hate being off the street. And considering we have to refinance anyway this month, we may just go all out and get the front landscaped. Wouldn't that be loverly?!

Anyway, I'll keep you posted.