Goooaaaalllllssss

I seem to be doing pretty good with them. I've been packing/cleaning for an hour once a day, sticking to my weight loss, doing better with interacting with people in general, and getting better feedback from my boss.

I however, need to be better about confronting people when in an uncomfortable position. This Thursday is a perfect example. We're meeting our new landlord about the animals and I'm highly worried about it. Not sure why I can't just put my feelings aside about it, but I'm highly nervous. Why? Not sure. Perhaps I need to think these things through and play my empathy card. I know the guy is probably worried about it, but I doubt he thinks we're trying to get one over on him. And I need to stop trying to cater to everyone. I need to start listing out things mentally in my mind what I will and won't do.

So on to what I will work on today:

"I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend."

Tonight is GNI (girls night in) and I really need to focus on enjoying time with my girlfriends as opposed to thinking about what needs to be done around the house. I'm very bad at being distracted. Need to focus tonight.

I also need to focus on Ricky. I haven't gotten to spend too much 'un-tired' time with him and I need to focus on the fact that he is amazing and I need to do everything in my power to make sure he's happy with us. Not to mention the fact, to enjoy him and his body wholeheartedly.

"I am professional and creative at work. I always strive to excel through knowledge and creativity."

I ahven't been to tek-tips lately. I think I'll visit today.

So tired...

For some reason it's very hard to appreciate or fully enjoy anything when you are heavily sleep deprived. However, here it goes:

• I love the fact that although my SO and I can argue at 2 in the morning on how to raise our child, once we've gotten past the hard part, we joke and make up realizing that the stress is not part of our relationship and we love eachother more than that.
• I love the fact that my SO doesn't even hesitate to help out with Riddles, jumping out of bed when I tell him it's "his turn" at 2 a.m.
• I love the fact that my boss gave me an interesting report that I'm enjoying doing analysis on and that I may have finally grasped a process to help me put these together.

I am proactive in dealing with conflict and problems.

• I need to research and find out best methods to get Riddles to sleep especially while we're going through all this.
  
• I also need to get off my butt and start packing. I need to realize that friends will be over, but I have 29 days to get everything together.
  

Damn bread!

Weight: 192.2
Mood: A little frustrated and super tired

Riddles was up from 2-4 this morning. Both Ricky and I tried to get him back down but it took forever! Thinking he's going through his next developmental leap. Oh joy.

Anyway, that bread took its toll. Gained .6 and not happy about it. I'm sure I can get down to 190 by Saturday though. At least I've managed to reduce my plateau to 192 as opposed to 195. Yay!

Feeling Better at Work

My boss assigned me another report and he sounded confident about my skills, so I'm feeling a bit better. Need to now be professional and creative about it. Best way to go about that is sit down and draw out what I need. I really need to bring a notebook in. This would help immensely.

"I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend."

I think it's time to focus on this. I'm so distracted by everything that needs to be done. Ricky even asked if I still found him attractive today and I feel horrible about that. It's just that I'm so exhausted and taking care of Riddles by the time I get home. I know I haven't felt sexy lately too so that doesn't help. My sex life is non-existent compared to what we used to do. I need to realize that my relationship is by far more important than all the stuff I have 'to do'. And focus on taking care of it first in addition to really feeling passionate about things again. I'm sure at this point it's just me being tired.

So much for doing this in the morning...

Well I do feel a little bit better about my professionalism and creativity at work, however I still have a lot of work to go. I feel foggy and apathetic a lot of the time, so I really do need to get motivated. Same for a lot of areas in my life. Probably pretty much just from being exhausted all the time.

So I guess I need to work on not being exhausted. Good luck to me with that with work, the baby, and the move coming up. I'm thinking the key word here is delegation. Just need to figure out what to delegate. Will has been an immense help as well as Ricky. So just need to keep on top of that.

I actually cooked yesterday and intend to more often. However, enough of how I have been doing, lets get to my action plan...

Most importantly I really need to focus on appreciate being in the moment and appreciate those around me.

Ricky is a great example. I find myself continuing criticizing or judging, and it's really more of a reflection of my inadequacies than anything else. That boy really does try his best to be a great boyfriend, friend, and father. He's fantastic with Riddles and he helps always without complaining at all every time. He has faith that Riddles can do things I don't even think of.

Will is another good example. Yes, there are things that bug me but honestly who doesn't have quirks that annoy the hell out of you? Fact is Will is there quite a bit when we need him. He may slip on some things, but if I were to ask him outright he's pretty good about helping out.

I just need to make sure everyone in my life knows they are appreciated and needed.

Reporting

I am professional and creative at work.

I am going to kick ass at creating my gift card report. I'm going to build a nice, concise summary that makes sense and reflects the negative and positive aspects of this product. I can do this.

As a side note, I think it would be a good idea to address these goals BEFORE the start of a day. That way I can tackle things such as drinking water.

Goal Check

I am healthy and support my family in being healthy through cooking, activities, and going to the doctor when needed.
Weight and dieting has been ridiculous. I have stayed the same except for yesterday in which I gained .5 lbs because I splurged on a burger and fries and corn. I think it's time for a fasting to reset my body.

I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend.
Tonight we have a show. Will has agreed to watch Riddles tonight and I have a great tendency to want to stay at home tonight. However, I'm going to let go. Talk to Vicki on the way to the show, and kick back and relax and enjoy my friendships and my relationship tonight. Ricky called me out on being on my computer too much the other night and he's right, I will be spending less time looking at a screen and more time actually interacting with people.

Stop and Smell The Roses
Well, a lot has happened this week. I'm glad we could figure out a way to move. I do love to organize and clean. Riddles has actually broken a tooth and is doing pretty well with it. We have an action plan to address finances. And Ricky and I actually had sex last night even though I had not anticipated it at all.

Eating Healthier...check!

I did eat two apples yesterday. And a lot of black beans. Hmmmm, which reminds me. I was going to fast today, but I think probably eating healthier would just be better. Good thing I'm revisiting my goals.

So...I think perhaps the best way to tackle this is to select a goal and focus on it for the day. I will also tackle my rule of being more appreciative.

Goal: I am professional and creative at work. I always strive to excel through knowledge and creativity.

Well I suppose I can work on this by achieving all my goals for today even though I have to leave at 4 pm. I will work on a game plan before coding and creating. I will also contact the requestors.

I will also communicate more with my teammates and coworkers today.

Goal: I am patient and appreciate every moment of every day.

I am ecstatic that Pete called us and we can finally resolve the house issue. I am happy that I have been getting back on task with my own tasks. I am appreciative that Will helps out with Riddles. I am appreciative of the fact that I have friends I can blow off steam with. I am appreciative of the that that although I am not losing as quickly as I'd like, I have lost and been keeping off that weight. I am appreciative that I have a boyfriend that put up with my attitude. :-)

Appreciating what I have

I have set a reminder for me to "stop and smell the roses". I will set it for every couple hours throughout the day to remind me to stop and appreciate what I have and live in the moment.

So....

I'm appreciative of my boyfriend who stays at home and watched our baby every day. Without him we'd be wondering what Riddles life is like at daycare and he surely would not have been brought up in an amazing environment full of love and attention.

I'm appreciative that I have the ability to try out working in a fast paced environment to see if I like it and I have what it takes. I'm fortunate enough to have worked my way up to have a job in the field I chose and money to support my family.

I'm appreciative that rather than sticking myself in the same group of people, I sought change and now am meeting and have the opportunity to build relationships with different people who are driven and passionate about their work.

Mission and Goals

Okay, so I need to have a better way to track and accomplish my mission and goals. Not to mention I really have not had time to read and update lately. So why not do mission and goals and accomplishments here?

Mission (What I Achieve To Be)

To be an awesome and passionate girlfriend, mother, friend, worker, and overall person.

Objectives (How I'll Be That Way)

• I love and respect all people I interact with.
  
• I am patient and appreciate every moment of every day.
  
• I am healthy and support my family in being healthy through cooking, activities, and going to the doctor when needed.
• I am passionate and enjoy life, including my interactions with friends and family and my relationship with my boyfriend.
  
• I am professional and creative at work. I always strive to excel through knowledge and creativity.
• I am proactive in dealing with conflict and problems.
  
• I have my finances under control including debts, savings, and have the ability to budget to travel twice a year with my family.
  

Action Plan (How I Intend To Get There)

• Each day I write down what I appreciate about the people in my life and my situation.
• I set a reminder to "stop and smell the roses" every day.
  
• I drink water every day. I no longer smoke. I track my calories on MFP and stick to my diet. I do not eat without tracking it first.
  
• I cook 5 out of 7 days out of the week.
  
• I aggressively schedule and follow through on doctors appointments for my family.
  
• I visit friends and family weekly.
  
• I go out of my way to make all my friend and family feel accepted and loved and interesting.
• I do whatever it takes to get my projects done on time and professionally.
  
• I stay on top of current events within my field.
  
• I do not procrastinate and deal with people verbally or in person.
  
• I stick to budget voraciously. I do not spend money without checking my budget first.
  

I know this seems like a lot to bit off and chew but if I revisit this each day and make tasks, I know I can accomplish my goals!