Raising myself up a bit

Since my father died (and my mother), I've had a difficult time being happy. I feel guilty. Like I should just continually mourn both of them passing so young. On that same note, I don't really feel great about myself. My self-esteem is low...I think all in an effort to keep myself humble and not happy. Comfortable, but not happy, or least not estatic. So this is an effort to see myself in a better light. Ways I'm as good as I don't think I am: - I help more than I think - We pay for my grandmas phone every month without thinking of it - We pay for my Riddles grandma's phone every month without thinking of it - We support two friends without any financial obligations or expectations - We usually take our friends out, paying for meals or admissions - We usually include everyone and attempt to make everyone happy - I bake every one cakes - I'm an accomplished, sought out analyst and programmer (I've had one job made for me, and three bidding wars.) - I seek knowledge to understand. - I found my soulmate and I'm very happy with him - I have a great kid - I have a Masters degree - I've won city wide competitions for speeches - I was there for both my father and mother passing