Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Bad Blogger, Bad!
I know. I'm horrible. I've been so busy with work and stripping, that I haven't had the chance to either blog or catch up on everyone else's blog. So lessee...
> My company just recently got bought by a bigger, better company. This is good. No jobs lost...yet, but much better benefits and opportunities.
> I went to a wedding on Friday.
> I've been stripping like crazy lately.
> I lost some weight, but after the massive quantities of chocolate cupcakes I ate this weekend, I'll be sure to find it again soon.
> I found my shortly lost step-sister.
Anyway, tired. Take care everyone and have a happy fourth!!
> My company just recently got bought by a bigger, better company. This is good. No jobs lost...yet, but much better benefits and opportunities.
> I went to a wedding on Friday.
> I've been stripping like crazy lately.
> I lost some weight, but after the massive quantities of chocolate cupcakes I ate this weekend, I'll be sure to find it again soon.
> I found my shortly lost step-sister.
Anyway, tired. Take care everyone and have a happy fourth!!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Some Things Have to Be Done Alone
and for anyone interested all my strips are available at the link to the right...Comic Strip Gallery.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Bad Metaphors
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Another Friend Gone MIA...
Okay, perhaps I am a little overly sensitive lately, but WTF?! Well, that's a little harsh...What the heck?!
So I have had two friends go MIA in the past six months. First was a close friend of mine who is now in Oklahoma. I have emailed him at work and home...and nothing. Guess I should have gotten a clue when he got a new phone and has neither called me or told me his new phone number. Although he has emailed me a few times, and those emails did not include the words, "restraining order" or "I'm moving to Africa", I thought our friendship still existed. But I have not heard from him in quite awhile.
I addition to that friend, one of my very good friend from two jobs prior has not been returning my phone calls. Okay, well until yesterday it was phone call (single), but I called her twice yesterday (once at home and once on her cell) and I haven't received a response back. Fuck!!
And Blueberri...you're becoming close to MIA...cancelling third Sat. BBQ (if was just one friend you could have brought them over)....cancelling WW...what the heck?! :-p
Yeah, I know. But I AM really sensitive right now. It just seems one other thing to worry about. I just need to chill. I really need that vacation. Maybe I could pretend short-term mental insanity for some FMLA...oh wait, no need to pretend!
So I have had two friends go MIA in the past six months. First was a close friend of mine who is now in Oklahoma. I have emailed him at work and home...and nothing. Guess I should have gotten a clue when he got a new phone and has neither called me or told me his new phone number. Although he has emailed me a few times, and those emails did not include the words, "restraining order" or "I'm moving to Africa", I thought our friendship still existed. But I have not heard from him in quite awhile.
I addition to that friend, one of my very good friend from two jobs prior has not been returning my phone calls. Okay, well until yesterday it was phone call (single), but I called her twice yesterday (once at home and once on her cell) and I haven't received a response back. Fuck!!
And Blueberri...you're becoming close to MIA...cancelling third Sat. BBQ (if was just one friend you could have brought them over)....cancelling WW...what the heck?! :-p
Yeah, I know. But I AM really sensitive right now. It just seems one other thing to worry about. I just need to chill. I really need that vacation. Maybe I could pretend short-term mental insanity for some FMLA...oh wait, no need to pretend!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
On days like this...
I really question my chosen profession.
Let's see it's, uh...9:30 a.m. and I got in at about 8:30 a.m. which normally wouldn't be too bad, but I was up until THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!! WORKING!!!
Ugh!!! Still working on the project that kept me up all night. Fuckin corporate guys.
So you all know I don't talk about work that much. Because of all the stupid freakin lawsuits going around. But...today is an exception.
So one of the big-wigs, or as I like to call them...muckety-mucks...decides he needs a big ass report and tomorrow morning is not soon enough to get this done. So far we had three people working from 4 p.m. to 3 a.m. and again this morning working on it. Fucker! He puts it in at 3 p.m. yesterday and asks for it the same...freakin...day.
This is the same project that took us a week to pull together the first time. Ugh!!!!!!
So if you don't here from me it's because I'm either stark raving mad from lack of sleep, or sleeping on my keyb h hsd klhdfkjsdhfksf
Let's see it's, uh...9:30 a.m. and I got in at about 8:30 a.m. which normally wouldn't be too bad, but I was up until THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!! WORKING!!!
Ugh!!! Still working on the project that kept me up all night. Fuckin corporate guys.
So you all know I don't talk about work that much. Because of all the stupid freakin lawsuits going around. But...today is an exception.
So one of the big-wigs, or as I like to call them...muckety-mucks...decides he needs a big ass report and tomorrow morning is not soon enough to get this done. So far we had three people working from 4 p.m. to 3 a.m. and again this morning working on it. Fucker! He puts it in at 3 p.m. yesterday and asks for it the same...freakin...day.
This is the same project that took us a week to pull together the first time. Ugh!!!!!!
So if you don't here from me it's because I'm either stark raving mad from lack of sleep, or sleeping on my keyb h hsd klhdfkjsdhfksf
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
It's that time again!
That time where I ask myself, "What the hell am I doing? And who the hell have I become?!"
Why is that?
Well, I recognize that I've become awfully bitchy lately. Bitch this, and bitch that. Bitch, bitch, bitch. About everything and everyone. What's wrong with me?
In addition to that, I'm stressed, lazy, broke, messy...I just have no ability to commit myself to any goals lately.
Weight loss? Nope.
Save money? Nope.
Spend less money? Nope.
Exercise? Nope.
Zip, zilch, nada, nothing. So it's time to reprioritize. What are things I'd like to accomplish in life?
- Sticking to my WW diet and drinking more water. I do not want to be another month down the road still struggling at the same weight.
- Being nicer and more forgiving. Yeah, this is a toughy. But I would like to focus on solutions, not bitchy observations.
- Pay off quite a bit in debt. This will be a hard one, but perhaps of I get better organized...
- Less television, more exercise. Even if it means gardening, doing chores around the house, taking a walk. I think I would feel much better.
- Quit smoking for God's sake!!! Why is this so freakin hard? Thank God I'm not pregnant or attempting to be right now. I really owe it to myself and my future child to be in top physical shape when I do get pregnant.
Anyway, that's it for now. If I can accomplish even two of the above things, I'm sure I'd be much happier.
Ta, ta for now loverlies!
Why is that?
Well, I recognize that I've become awfully bitchy lately. Bitch this, and bitch that. Bitch, bitch, bitch. About everything and everyone. What's wrong with me?
In addition to that, I'm stressed, lazy, broke, messy...I just have no ability to commit myself to any goals lately.
Weight loss? Nope.
Save money? Nope.
Spend less money? Nope.
Exercise? Nope.
Zip, zilch, nada, nothing. So it's time to reprioritize. What are things I'd like to accomplish in life?
- Sticking to my WW diet and drinking more water. I do not want to be another month down the road still struggling at the same weight.
- Being nicer and more forgiving. Yeah, this is a toughy. But I would like to focus on solutions, not bitchy observations.
- Pay off quite a bit in debt. This will be a hard one, but perhaps of I get better organized...
- Less television, more exercise. Even if it means gardening, doing chores around the house, taking a walk. I think I would feel much better.
- Quit smoking for God's sake!!! Why is this so freakin hard? Thank God I'm not pregnant or attempting to be right now. I really owe it to myself and my future child to be in top physical shape when I do get pregnant.
Anyway, that's it for now. If I can accomplish even two of the above things, I'm sure I'd be much happier.
Ta, ta for now loverlies!
Monday, June 12, 2006
A Little Off Lately
I feel confused and scatterbrained lately. A lot has been going on in life.
I just feel like a castaway in a small life raft in the middle of a great wide ocean. There's just been so much going on, and friends that I've fell out of touch with. And family I've fell out of touch with. I feel like I'm not living up to all of my societal obligations.
It's difficult because a majority of our issues are extremely personal. No...not physically personal, just emotional. So I can't really talk to anyone about them, and therefore people usually see our lives much less chaotic than it really is. I know...everyone is, but trust me, we're different. No...trust me on this one. I know normal dysfunction and abnormal dysfunction and we are definately the latter.
But we're working around it. Just trying to take it one day at a time right now.
*sigh*
I just feel like a castaway in a small life raft in the middle of a great wide ocean. There's just been so much going on, and friends that I've fell out of touch with. And family I've fell out of touch with. I feel like I'm not living up to all of my societal obligations.
It's difficult because a majority of our issues are extremely personal. No...not physically personal, just emotional. So I can't really talk to anyone about them, and therefore people usually see our lives much less chaotic than it really is. I know...everyone is, but trust me, we're different. No...trust me on this one. I know normal dysfunction and abnormal dysfunction and we are definately the latter.
But we're working around it. Just trying to take it one day at a time right now.
*sigh*
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
Art Imitating Life
So I guess by now you've probably realized that the comics I've been showing are my own strips. I won't deluge you with a whole bunch of them, but will probably post a couple a week. Any feedback is appreciated.
On the same token, you've probably also guessed that a lot of my strips, right now, are based on my life at the moment or in the past. The last strip was about refinancing and guess what we're doing right now?
Yes...training hippos. You're so smart!
Okay, we're not training hippos, but it sure as heck feels like it. Some of the questions they ask...geez! Well, you'll see some of the silly things they've put us through in the next few strips.
By the way, I see everyone is just as busy as we are. Hardly any new posts, hardly any comments. What does a girl have to get a little attention around here?
Just kidding. I love you guys and have a great summer!!! Except for you people in places where the weather is beautiful...I hope you get ant bites.
On the same token, you've probably also guessed that a lot of my strips, right now, are based on my life at the moment or in the past. The last strip was about refinancing and guess what we're doing right now?
Yes...training hippos. You're so smart!
Okay, we're not training hippos, but it sure as heck feels like it. Some of the questions they ask...geez! Well, you'll see some of the silly things they've put us through in the next few strips.
By the way, I see everyone is just as busy as we are. Hardly any new posts, hardly any comments. What does a girl have to get a little attention around here?
Just kidding. I love you guys and have a great summer!!! Except for you people in places where the weather is beautiful...I hope you get ant bites.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Fuckin Blogger!!
I just wrote a post and it dumped it. I don't really have the time to rewrite it so here it is in a nutshell:
- Refinancing house
- Worried about finances
- Feeling butt raped over student loans
- How in the hell are we going to afford kids, if we ever have the chance to have them?
- Espresso is not good when you're in the midst of worrying
Have a super-fruititous day!!
Busy Days, Interrupted Nights
Life has been fairly busy lately. Our mortgage company got ahold of us the other night, and offered a refinance deal. Which I'm not thrilled about, but it will be necessary to do soon. Or else our rate will sky rocket.
All night I was in a daze, thinking over numbers and repercussions. Wondering how in the hell I didn't fall over from shock at the amount we have to pay each month to student loans. (It really is ridiculous!)
I just can't believe how freakin expensive it is to live today. Gas for us each week is about $40 and we have great gas mileage. On top of that food is freakishly expensive, no matter where you go...well, unless you want wilted lettuce and grey meat.
Of course, getting to sleep was difficult last night. All I could think about was how little leftover money we have and how on earth would we EVER be able to afford a child even if we did get pregnant (by some miraculous act of God or science).
So this is my stress day today. Maybe I shouldn't have ordered that double-shot of espresso.
All night I was in a daze, thinking over numbers and repercussions. Wondering how in the hell I didn't fall over from shock at the amount we have to pay each month to student loans. (It really is ridiculous!)
I just can't believe how freakin expensive it is to live today. Gas for us each week is about $40 and we have great gas mileage. On top of that food is freakishly expensive, no matter where you go...well, unless you want wilted lettuce and grey meat.
Of course, getting to sleep was difficult last night. All I could think about was how little leftover money we have and how on earth would we EVER be able to afford a child even if we did get pregnant (by some miraculous act of God or science).
So this is my stress day today. Maybe I shouldn't have ordered that double-shot of espresso.
Monday, June 05, 2006
As my friend Missy likes to say...
"That's some scary ass shit!"
So just a few minutes ago, we decide to go out for a quick break. I'm standing outside, in semi-shade, and I start to feel light-headed. Give it a few more minutes, and I literally feel like I'm going to pass out. At this point, I'm thinking, "Dear Lord, don't let me pass out in this heat and hit the scalding pavement head first."
I start walking away and I would turn my head to say good-bye but I felt if I didn't get into shade and sit down soon, I'll just fall over and end up laying there in the middle of the street.
Obviously, I did make it back to my desk, but I still feel lightheaded. I don't understand. Maybe I'm not getting enough water.
I felt tired all weekend long, but this is ridiculous!! (And for the record, no, I'm not. My 'friend' just rolled round last week and we haven't in ages. Well not the kind that breeds new life.)
What the hell? I'm going to start drinking a lot more water and if that doesn't help...I'm going to see the Doc.
So just a few minutes ago, we decide to go out for a quick break. I'm standing outside, in semi-shade, and I start to feel light-headed. Give it a few more minutes, and I literally feel like I'm going to pass out. At this point, I'm thinking, "Dear Lord, don't let me pass out in this heat and hit the scalding pavement head first."
I start walking away and I would turn my head to say good-bye but I felt if I didn't get into shade and sit down soon, I'll just fall over and end up laying there in the middle of the street.
Obviously, I did make it back to my desk, but I still feel lightheaded. I don't understand. Maybe I'm not getting enough water.
I felt tired all weekend long, but this is ridiculous!! (And for the record, no, I'm not. My 'friend' just rolled round last week and we haven't in ages. Well not the kind that breeds new life.)
What the hell? I'm going to start drinking a lot more water and if that doesn't help...I'm going to see the Doc.
What the freakin hell?!?!
I'm extremely tired, the a/c at work hasn't kicked in yet, and Blogger is acting funny.
Any more of this and I'll just get up, drive home, go to bed, and then pull the covers over my head until a new Prez is re-elected.
Any more of this and I'll just get up, drive home, go to bed, and then pull the covers over my head until a new Prez is re-elected.
Friday, June 02, 2006
New Format...Obviously
Just was bored with the old format...like everyone I suppose.
I may still change it, but I think I'm happy with this one.
Just chillin at home, watching Last Comic Standing. Yeah, pretty boring entry, but I felt compelled to update to explain the chaos that is my blog format lately.
Have a good weekend everyone!!!
I may still change it, but I think I'm happy with this one.
Just chillin at home, watching Last Comic Standing. Yeah, pretty boring entry, but I felt compelled to update to explain the chaos that is my blog format lately.
Have a good weekend everyone!!!
Old Habits
On my way into work today I noticed an umarked cop car littered with cb antennae turning left into a doughnut shop.
Yeah, that's inconspicuous.
Yeah, that's inconspicuous.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Why do I buy lottery tickets?
So hubby talks me into getting two tickets for the local lottery. One for each game. Both announced on Wednesday.
So this morning I go to the website and enter my numbers...nothing. And I think back to all the tickets I've purchased. I always check the numbers as if I could win the million dollar prize at any time, but odds are more favorable for a $5 or $100 dollar winner before the big one. But out of ALL the freakin tickets we've purchased, I think we've only won $5 once. Once!! So I look on the back of the ticket, and it says odds are 1 out of 32 of winning something. Anything. Hubby and I have bought well over thirty-two tickets and we have only won once.
I know what you're thinking, "But Onyx, what if you have only bought 63? You're winning ticket could be any day now."
Yeah?! BS!!! I figure over the past ten years hubby and I have bought at least four tickets a month. So you do the math kiddies...come'on, you can do it. *sigh* You want me to do it for you? Okay...
4 tickets * 12 months = 48 tickets a year
10 years * 48 tickets a year = 480 tickets give or take a few lotteries.
So...480 divided by 32 = 15
I should have won at least fifteen times by now. Not one!!!
It's a gyp! A ripoff!! Unjust, unfair bastards.
(But yeah, I'll probably still buy one on Saturday. Doh!)
So this morning I go to the website and enter my numbers...nothing. And I think back to all the tickets I've purchased. I always check the numbers as if I could win the million dollar prize at any time, but odds are more favorable for a $5 or $100 dollar winner before the big one. But out of ALL the freakin tickets we've purchased, I think we've only won $5 once. Once!! So I look on the back of the ticket, and it says odds are 1 out of 32 of winning something. Anything. Hubby and I have bought well over thirty-two tickets and we have only won once.
I know what you're thinking, "But Onyx, what if you have only bought 63? You're winning ticket could be any day now."
Yeah?! BS!!! I figure over the past ten years hubby and I have bought at least four tickets a month. So you do the math kiddies...come'on, you can do it. *sigh* You want me to do it for you? Okay...
4 tickets * 12 months = 48 tickets a year
10 years * 48 tickets a year = 480 tickets give or take a few lotteries.
So...480 divided by 32 = 15
I should have won at least fifteen times by now. Not one!!!
It's a gyp! A ripoff!! Unjust, unfair bastards.
(But yeah, I'll probably still buy one on Saturday. Doh!)
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