just have one night away from friends where I don't go schitzo??
So last night, I volunteered to go do something last night to allow the roommates one night alone together before R left for his big holiday weekend. This is not a problem. I was a little upset that I couldn't find anyone else to go with, but quite frankly I need to learn to have fun by myself (and no, not that, I already have that base covered.)
Anyway, the night was actually progressing along pretty well. I got a few books at the bookstore. Went and got a massage. Then went to go see "28 Weeks Later" at the movie theatre. Doing good, until the credits roll, the lights come up, I look around...and nothing but couples. My Gawd! I bawled like a baby.
Stupid thoughts kept entering my head (and here's where I probably get more truthful with you than I may have ever in my blog), I just felt so lonely. To the core. I was bawling all the way home, into the apartment, on the floor, working, smoking, on the cat. Eventually, I fell asleep. Usually when I wake up things are better. But no. Not today.
I wake up and the tears just start falling again. I'm telling myself to buck up. Stop being ridiculous. It's my choice to be happy. Nothing is working.
I am feeling better now. Still a little teary. I just feel like a freakin 16 year old again. You remember the times don't you? It really is ridiculous. I have friends. I have great friends. I have marvelous friends. Oh for craps sake! I hate being a girl.
4 comments:
I am sorry you have to go through this, but it is one of the stages in this big life change and a necessary step. It is hard and alarming, but very good in the long run, because it means you are progressing and getting ready to move on. Hugs to you, sweet stuff.
It is hard doing things alone, but it does get better over time. I have a few friends who like to go out by themselves even when they get back in a relationship, as it becomes their "me" time. Take care, and know that in time this too shall pass.
Yep.... and crying is a good thing...very healing and nessesary. I cried like that the other week over something .... my job...long story, but I feel better for it now. Wish I could give you a hug...like a real life one.
xxx
Hey dear.
It is a growing experience.
it's an important step in getting to like YOURSELF!
love
markb in nj
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