So...
I made a decision to purchase a self-help book to work through some of my codependency issues. I looked in the bookstore for about an hour, before deciding upon the least douchey book. I'm not a touchy-feely sort of person and I'm very particular about these types of books. I made sure the book I chose was at least authored by a professional in the field as opposed to some third-rate wannabe psycholigist/actress.
Anywhoo...
The book I finally chose had many areas and dependencies. I thought I had issues with co-dependency, whooo, boy, lemme tell you...apparently one of my largest issues is with fear of abandonment. I read this section and the fear started crawling up from the bottom of my belly and stuck in my neck. Just reading this section made me anxious.
One of the points they made, that fell very close to home for me, was that I get anxious when I don't talk to those closest to me for periods of time. I cling on, and when they leave, I get anxious that they'll leave (or lose interest). So I hound them or get angry at them when they haven't replied back to my emails/texts/phone calls.
Since the divorce this has become worse. Oddly enough, I left my husband in that scenario, but my abandonment issues have gotten worse. I get very anxious when people don't get back to me. Or if I feel threatened in social situations. Quite frankly, I feel like that puppy you leave at home. They just look up at you and whimper.
Anyway, the book says the first step to overcoming this issue, it recognizing it. So, I've recognized it and I recognize when it's happened in my day-to-day activities. I just keep repeating to myself that it's okay and people are busy and people need their freedom too and that I need to be okay just being me.
I did make a little discovery today. It seems that most friends and family in my life, that I've lost touch with, I've never spoken to again. I've always complained that if I didn't email or phone them first, we wouldn't be speaking anymore. And for the most part, that's what happened. When I stopped making the first contact, they never did.
Then I came to the realization that my friend Jackie never did this to me. Bless her heart, she's thousands of miles away, eight hours difference, and I still get little notes of encouragement from her. That gives me hope.
Of course, there's my mom and my grandma. Okay, and my aunt. But other than that....all my friends...ALL my friends in the past, I've lost touch with. Blue, R and K are the oldest relationships I have (other than Jackie) and that's only 3 years. Hell, I don't even talk to my ex-husband anymore. My father, his wife, my sister and brother...nothing. My closest from from my last job...nothing.
So that's a lot of abandonment issues to work through. I get anxious and paranoid just thinking about it. The little, okay large, niggle of fear works it way up from my chest into my head, and I just want to...I don't know...freak out.
So that's what I'm working on today...not freaking out. Hopefully, with a little dedication and some luck, I'll be able to move past that fear.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Today's the day...
I get divorced. I cease to be (married name) and regress back to (maiden name).
Now, I thought I was handling this pretty well. I went to go pick up mail from my old house yesterday and ran across the ex. A bit shocking...yes. Also, he didn't know the hearing was tomorrow (cripes). But all in all afterwards I had a good five minute cry and then was in slight freaky-outy mode for the rest of the night.
This morning, I thought I was doing well until I got into work. I don't know if someone sneaks onions into my computer monitors, but for some reason lately, if I'm going to get weepy, it's in front of my computer screen. I know I don't look forward to work lately, but this is ridiculous.
So I freaked. One of my roommates, K, was sweet and sent me a few "you go, girlfriend" and "if you need to get it out, just get it out" emails. Which I appreciated, but I think just added to my insanity. Subconsciously, I think all of a sudden I was required to freak out and get emotional. So I freaked out and got emotional. I texted my other roommate and freaked out on him. We were supposed to have lunch today, but he potentially cancelled because he has work to do and meetings (pushaw). Anyway, after reprimanding him for not being a good friend (seriously, ditching me on D-day?) and generally telling him to shove off, I called him. This is how the conversation went:
R: "Why are you so emotional over this?"
Me: "I dunno. Because this is 'it'. The end of a 14 year relationship."
R: "I thought it was 'it' 8 months ago. What makes this anymore 'it'?
Me: "I dunno."
R: "You're being dumb. Stop being so emotional."
Me: "Damn it, you're right."
Okay, so he didn't literally call me dumb, but that was the essence. After thinking about it for a minute, I determined he's right. There really was no reason for me to go off the deep end. This is it.That's a good thing. There's no reason for me to feel guilty or anxious or sad. I was miserable. I should be celebrating today.
Of course, there's always that little niggle of guilt. I feel like I abandoned my ex and he plays on that as much as he can. But you know what? Fuck that! I supported, and loved, and coddled, and worked my ass off for that relationship! I even acted fairly throughout the whole separation.
So, yeah, I'm doing better now.
Now, I thought I was handling this pretty well. I went to go pick up mail from my old house yesterday and ran across the ex. A bit shocking...yes. Also, he didn't know the hearing was tomorrow (cripes). But all in all afterwards I had a good five minute cry and then was in slight freaky-outy mode for the rest of the night.
This morning, I thought I was doing well until I got into work. I don't know if someone sneaks onions into my computer monitors, but for some reason lately, if I'm going to get weepy, it's in front of my computer screen. I know I don't look forward to work lately, but this is ridiculous.
So I freaked. One of my roommates, K, was sweet and sent me a few "you go, girlfriend" and "if you need to get it out, just get it out" emails. Which I appreciated, but I think just added to my insanity. Subconsciously, I think all of a sudden I was required to freak out and get emotional. So I freaked out and got emotional. I texted my other roommate and freaked out on him. We were supposed to have lunch today, but he potentially cancelled because he has work to do and meetings (pushaw). Anyway, after reprimanding him for not being a good friend (seriously, ditching me on D-day?) and generally telling him to shove off, I called him. This is how the conversation went:
R: "Why are you so emotional over this?"
Me: "I dunno. Because this is 'it'. The end of a 14 year relationship."
R: "I thought it was 'it' 8 months ago. What makes this anymore 'it'?
Me: "I dunno."
R: "You're being dumb. Stop being so emotional."
Me: "Damn it, you're right."
Okay, so he didn't literally call me dumb, but that was the essence. After thinking about it for a minute, I determined he's right. There really was no reason for me to go off the deep end. This is it.That's a good thing. There's no reason for me to feel guilty or anxious or sad. I was miserable. I should be celebrating today.
Of course, there's always that little niggle of guilt. I feel like I abandoned my ex and he plays on that as much as he can. But you know what? Fuck that! I supported, and loved, and coddled, and worked my ass off for that relationship! I even acted fairly throughout the whole separation.
So, yeah, I'm doing better now.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Haven't updated lately...
because I'm not sure really what to say or how to say it. I feel as if I'm going through another transitional period in my life. It's a good transitional period, but it's making me feel very self-conscious about myself. First I'll explain everything that has happened in the last few days, just to catch you up. Then I'll go into the emotional whys of everything.
I'll start with Saturday (because that's as far back as I remember).
Saturday was my birthday. 32 years old. I slept in...somewhat...then woke up to my roomies bearing a gift. When I opened it up, I discovered my favorite (and probably least known to many people) movie....Harold and Maude. If you don't know about this movie, it's a dark comedy about the love that blossoms between a young boy and a very old woman. The first thing the roommates said to me was, "It's a love story, you perv." Ah, ha.
The card that came along with it meant a lot to me. It was a typical birthday card, but it was filled with quotes from movies and songs such as "You had us at hello." It was hilarious and sweet. For those of you who don't know, R, K, and I are very close. We're often referred to as the Three Muskateers and it even surprises us how well we get along.
Then K ran out to get doughnuts and I worked on my very first Toastmasters speech. It was an ice-breaker in which I had to explain to the audience who I am. However, I decided to turn things around and talk about who I want to be instead. I was really nervous. I think a lot had to do with the fact that I had to memorize about a page and a half worths of speech and my memory sucks.
At about 3, I gave the speech...very nervously. However, I did receive good reviews. I have another speech scheduled for this weekend. I really need to start working on it.
After that we went to Outback for dinner. They have the best steaks and vegetables there. The crown sang Happy Birthday to me and then we jetted out to go watch R's little brothers play...Dracula: The Musical.
Now if you live in AZ and like campy musicals, I highly suggest this play. The main character, Dracula, did an excellent job. It's only $25 at most, so get your butts over there.
It was R and K, R's brother B and his girlfriend, and two fellow Toastmasters R2 and S. It was great having R2 and S there as they laughed boisterously and this made the play all the more enjoyable. It's never good to watch a comedy with people who don't know how to laugh.
Afterwards we went to a wine bar and sat outside. We conversed and people-watched, then went home and crashed around midnight. All in all it was a good birthday.
However, Sunday, we met up with fellow Toastmaster friends (on unofficial business) at a bar to have breakfast. This certain groups of TMs are good people, but very outgoing and funny. At this point in my life, I've become a bit withdrawn and lately I'm very self-conscious around this group. I almost feel like the tag-along outsider who is always awkward around the group. I just can't seem to let loose around them yet. And it drives me nuts, because I feel like everyone is wondering why the hell I'm there.
So, I'm trying to get myself in the frame of mind to not give a damn. I mean, I give a damn about the people and the group, but quite frankly I need to get out of this bad habit of trying so hard to get people to accept me. If I'm not loud and funny and entertaining right now, I need to be okay with that. I'll get back to that eventually. But, I'm trying to accept myself right now, much less trying to get others to accept me.
Like I said, I'm in transition right now. I'm doing a lot of inward thinking and a lot of just trying to relax and let go. I almost feel like I'm in a struggle with myself between who I want to be and who I think others want me to be. Seriously, I'm 32. Shouldn't I have this figured out by now?
I'll start with Saturday (because that's as far back as I remember).
Saturday was my birthday. 32 years old. I slept in...somewhat...then woke up to my roomies bearing a gift. When I opened it up, I discovered my favorite (and probably least known to many people) movie....Harold and Maude. If you don't know about this movie, it's a dark comedy about the love that blossoms between a young boy and a very old woman. The first thing the roommates said to me was, "It's a love story, you perv." Ah, ha.
The card that came along with it meant a lot to me. It was a typical birthday card, but it was filled with quotes from movies and songs such as "You had us at hello." It was hilarious and sweet. For those of you who don't know, R, K, and I are very close. We're often referred to as the Three Muskateers and it even surprises us how well we get along.
Then K ran out to get doughnuts and I worked on my very first Toastmasters speech. It was an ice-breaker in which I had to explain to the audience who I am. However, I decided to turn things around and talk about who I want to be instead. I was really nervous. I think a lot had to do with the fact that I had to memorize about a page and a half worths of speech and my memory sucks.
At about 3, I gave the speech...very nervously. However, I did receive good reviews. I have another speech scheduled for this weekend. I really need to start working on it.
After that we went to Outback for dinner. They have the best steaks and vegetables there. The crown sang Happy Birthday to me and then we jetted out to go watch R's little brothers play...Dracula: The Musical.
Now if you live in AZ and like campy musicals, I highly suggest this play. The main character, Dracula, did an excellent job. It's only $25 at most, so get your butts over there.
It was R and K, R's brother B and his girlfriend, and two fellow Toastmasters R2 and S. It was great having R2 and S there as they laughed boisterously and this made the play all the more enjoyable. It's never good to watch a comedy with people who don't know how to laugh.
Afterwards we went to a wine bar and sat outside. We conversed and people-watched, then went home and crashed around midnight. All in all it was a good birthday.
However, Sunday, we met up with fellow Toastmaster friends (on unofficial business) at a bar to have breakfast. This certain groups of TMs are good people, but very outgoing and funny. At this point in my life, I've become a bit withdrawn and lately I'm very self-conscious around this group. I almost feel like the tag-along outsider who is always awkward around the group. I just can't seem to let loose around them yet. And it drives me nuts, because I feel like everyone is wondering why the hell I'm there.
So, I'm trying to get myself in the frame of mind to not give a damn. I mean, I give a damn about the people and the group, but quite frankly I need to get out of this bad habit of trying so hard to get people to accept me. If I'm not loud and funny and entertaining right now, I need to be okay with that. I'll get back to that eventually. But, I'm trying to accept myself right now, much less trying to get others to accept me.
Like I said, I'm in transition right now. I'm doing a lot of inward thinking and a lot of just trying to relax and let go. I almost feel like I'm in a struggle with myself between who I want to be and who I think others want me to be. Seriously, I'm 32. Shouldn't I have this figured out by now?
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Could life be anymore complicated?
I know, I've been updating like crazy now. But there's a lot going on and I feel inspired again because my friend also started her blog.
So...did I mention my car overheated this weekend and I had to call for repairs? Anyway, 24 hours later after my car getting towed off to the dealership in North Scottsdale, miles away because I have a specialty car, they found it on the lot. Also, 24 hours after not having a car, I finally got someone to agree to get me a rental.
Geesh!!! I was so stressed over this yesterday, I was in tears. Once again emotional Onyx came out. However, I'm feeling much better now and I just have to figure out how to get over there to pick up my rental.
Life has been a bit crazy lately, but you know me...I live off stress.
Oh! And I posted a new strip. I'm hoping to get back into this again. Thanks for all the support guys and I'll be visiting you soon. :-)
Comic strip: www.complicatedcomic.com
So...did I mention my car overheated this weekend and I had to call for repairs? Anyway, 24 hours later after my car getting towed off to the dealership in North Scottsdale, miles away because I have a specialty car, they found it on the lot. Also, 24 hours after not having a car, I finally got someone to agree to get me a rental.
Geesh!!! I was so stressed over this yesterday, I was in tears. Once again emotional Onyx came out. However, I'm feeling much better now and I just have to figure out how to get over there to pick up my rental.
Life has been a bit crazy lately, but you know me...I live off stress.
Oh! And I posted a new strip. I'm hoping to get back into this again. Thanks for all the support guys and I'll be visiting you soon. :-)
Comic strip: www.complicatedcomic.com
Monday, November 05, 2007
Not in a mood today
Ugh! You know how minor things just pile up and piss you off? Well that's the way I feel today.
My car overheated today so I had to call 5 different people to figure out what to do. It's been towed, but no one has gotten back to me and apparently the only person who can tell me where it is, is too freakin busy to answer their phone.
Speaking of people too busy to answer their phones, my friend R has a document of mine that I asked him to email me; which he was supposed to email someone else; and still hasn't gotten back to me.
I have tons of things to do at work, and quite frankly I'm about to break out in tears over it all.
I'm not the same person I used to be, but I think a lot of that stems from the fact that I'm on my own again. Well for the first time. Anyway, which is another point, all of my friends aren't at work today and I don't have my car so I had to walk to Long Wong's and have lunch by myself.
I guess it's not that bad. Oh and my lighter doesn't work. If it weren't for the fact that two of my teammates are gone for the day, I'd go home.
*sigh*
My car overheated today so I had to call 5 different people to figure out what to do. It's been towed, but no one has gotten back to me and apparently the only person who can tell me where it is, is too freakin busy to answer their phone.
Speaking of people too busy to answer their phones, my friend R has a document of mine that I asked him to email me; which he was supposed to email someone else; and still hasn't gotten back to me.
I have tons of things to do at work, and quite frankly I'm about to break out in tears over it all.
I'm not the same person I used to be, but I think a lot of that stems from the fact that I'm on my own again. Well for the first time. Anyway, which is another point, all of my friends aren't at work today and I don't have my car so I had to walk to Long Wong's and have lunch by myself.
I guess it's not that bad. Oh and my lighter doesn't work. If it weren't for the fact that two of my teammates are gone for the day, I'd go home.
*sigh*
Saturday, November 03, 2007
I know, two posts in one day...what?!?!
What a weekend and it isn't even over so far...
Friday we went to a benefit dinner. Meant to raise funds for a historical building, we ate well and enjoyed good company. Not bad. Towards the end of the night, there was an auction. R and I were assigned the task of pointers, while the auctioneer called out bids for marvelous vacation packages. But no one seemed to bid. So what did R and I do? We bid. R and K ended up with a 4 day resort vacation for $50. I ended up with a 5 day resort vacation for $100. I was excited, yet bummed at the same time. I got an awesome deal, but the benefit didn't.
Today, K conducted a training session with Toastmasters (and apparently kicked ass!) while R and I went to go watch my boss race at Firebird. Racing involved driving around cones at high speeds while being timed. I'm totally doing it in my mini next time.
Friday we went to a benefit dinner. Meant to raise funds for a historical building, we ate well and enjoyed good company. Not bad. Towards the end of the night, there was an auction. R and I were assigned the task of pointers, while the auctioneer called out bids for marvelous vacation packages. But no one seemed to bid. So what did R and I do? We bid. R and K ended up with a 4 day resort vacation for $50. I ended up with a 5 day resort vacation for $100. I was excited, yet bummed at the same time. I got an awesome deal, but the benefit didn't.
Today, K conducted a training session with Toastmasters (and apparently kicked ass!) while R and I went to go watch my boss race at Firebird. Racing involved driving around cones at high speeds while being timed. I'm totally doing it in my mini next time.
Anyway, after the races we went to Macayos and then R, K, and I headed over to a Toastmasters meeting. I am now not only an official Toastmaster now, I am a VP of PR. (VP of Public Relations). Woo, hoo! More responsibility! Don't get me wrong, I am excited...but very exhausted right now.
Plus I have a few other projects in the works. Hopefully soon that will include another comic strip. Perhaps tomorrow.
Anyway, gotta go. I have a horrendous headache. Take care my loverlies!
I fell in love with an idiot...
The first time I saw him, he was gorgeous. I was enthralled by his sleekness and his ability to impress, but could I engage in a relationship with someone who everyone else loved? His popularity called to me, yet disgusted me at the same time.
I waited and watched and thought, this guy might not be so bad. People see something in him. So I decided to give it a go.
At first he impressed me. He sang to me. And responded to my every touch. He was there for me most of the time and remembered every date I set with him.
But then I realized, he was cute, but horribly stupid.
He could keep dates, but couldn't remember requests. He could remember conversations, but couldn't comprehend images. An worst of all, he could only seem to communicate with a limited amount of others.
Oh iPhone, you're so cute, but so darn dumb.
I waited and watched and thought, this guy might not be so bad. People see something in him. So I decided to give it a go.
At first he impressed me. He sang to me. And responded to my every touch. He was there for me most of the time and remembered every date I set with him.
But then I realized, he was cute, but horribly stupid.
He could keep dates, but couldn't remember requests. He could remember conversations, but couldn't comprehend images. An worst of all, he could only seem to communicate with a limited amount of others.
Oh iPhone, you're so cute, but so darn dumb.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Two Weeks?
I think that's how long it's been since I last posted. I can remember a time when I posted every day. Twice a day.
So what have I been up to? Everything lately it seems. Let's go back to the last post...
October 19th through 20th
I have been involved in a lot of Toastmasters stuff as a tag-along to my roommate. Actually, I'm an official non-Toastmaster assistant. I've gone to so many meetings and functions, they pretty much treat me as an official Toastmaster. I should be joining an actual club soon, but I digress.
So that weekend the roommates and I headed up for a large Toastmaster conference. R and I ended up working our butts off setting up projection and sound. It was exhausting, yet fun at the same time. Due to the fact that both of us aren't Toastmasters and we worked all weekend, they gave us a special award. Special pin and standing ovation. It was extremely flattering. We received several comments that no one had ever seen any non-Toastmaster receive an award before. It was a very special night.
Aside from working, we did have some fun. Shared some good experiences. Ended up home without taking eachother's heads off. I guess I should mention briefly though that I was a bit irked Sunday night when we got back. I had been invited to go to R's mom's bday bash, and weeks prior I kept on trying confirm this. Five minutes before leaving I was apologized to and informed that I would not be going. Extremely upset to say the least. I had a good talk with R when they got back and resolved the issue though. (I'm trying not to make this a lengthy entry...oops, too late.)
Halloween Parties
Talk about busy. Okay, so Friday night prior to Halloween, we were invited to a Toastmasters Halloween party. I went as Marilyn Monroe, K went as a pregnant prom queen, and R went as another Toastmaster. We started out late. All of us got home late, left late, and hit traffic. Once we got there though, we had tons of fun. I had my glasses off for the first part of the night, and couldn't see anything. There were a bunch of cute costumes. I think the best though was Hugh Hefner and the retired bunnies.
Saturday we went to a house party that an ex-coworker of mine held. There weren't too many people there and I was the DD for that night, so it started off slow. We ended up staying for awhile though, and I started to talking to one guy dressed up as a cowboy. Cowboy Curtis, we tagged him. I thought he was interested, R thought he was interested, K thought he was an idiot. I should have listened to K. Oh well. Blueberry accompanied us too. She was a belly-dancer. It was a great costume for her.
Halloween Night
...was pretty uneventful. K spent tons of time shopping for our new costumes. Unfortunately R had class that night, so we spent the better half of it as his parents house handing out candy as 2/3 of Three's Company. I was Chrissie and K was Janet. It was great!
I think that's about it for now. I am feeling better. Not so schitzo. Not so emotional. Tired though. Geez. Plus I have another event to get to tonight. This is a 1950s themed benefit dinner. But it starts at 5:30 and is an hour away. What's with these people and scheduling things early?!
So what have I been up to? Everything lately it seems. Let's go back to the last post...
October 19th through 20th
I have been involved in a lot of Toastmasters stuff as a tag-along to my roommate. Actually, I'm an official non-Toastmaster assistant. I've gone to so many meetings and functions, they pretty much treat me as an official Toastmaster. I should be joining an actual club soon, but I digress.
So that weekend the roommates and I headed up for a large Toastmaster conference. R and I ended up working our butts off setting up projection and sound. It was exhausting, yet fun at the same time. Due to the fact that both of us aren't Toastmasters and we worked all weekend, they gave us a special award. Special pin and standing ovation. It was extremely flattering. We received several comments that no one had ever seen any non-Toastmaster receive an award before. It was a very special night.
Aside from working, we did have some fun. Shared some good experiences. Ended up home without taking eachother's heads off. I guess I should mention briefly though that I was a bit irked Sunday night when we got back. I had been invited to go to R's mom's bday bash, and weeks prior I kept on trying confirm this. Five minutes before leaving I was apologized to and informed that I would not be going. Extremely upset to say the least. I had a good talk with R when they got back and resolved the issue though. (I'm trying not to make this a lengthy entry...oops, too late.)
Halloween Parties
Talk about busy. Okay, so Friday night prior to Halloween, we were invited to a Toastmasters Halloween party. I went as Marilyn Monroe, K went as a pregnant prom queen, and R went as another Toastmaster. We started out late. All of us got home late, left late, and hit traffic. Once we got there though, we had tons of fun. I had my glasses off for the first part of the night, and couldn't see anything. There were a bunch of cute costumes. I think the best though was Hugh Hefner and the retired bunnies.
Saturday we went to a house party that an ex-coworker of mine held. There weren't too many people there and I was the DD for that night, so it started off slow. We ended up staying for awhile though, and I started to talking to one guy dressed up as a cowboy. Cowboy Curtis, we tagged him. I thought he was interested, R thought he was interested, K thought he was an idiot. I should have listened to K. Oh well. Blueberry accompanied us too. She was a belly-dancer. It was a great costume for her.
Halloween Night
...was pretty uneventful. K spent tons of time shopping for our new costumes. Unfortunately R had class that night, so we spent the better half of it as his parents house handing out candy as 2/3 of Three's Company. I was Chrissie and K was Janet. It was great!
I think that's about it for now. I am feeling better. Not so schitzo. Not so emotional. Tired though. Geez. Plus I have another event to get to tonight. This is a 1950s themed benefit dinner. But it starts at 5:30 and is an hour away. What's with these people and scheduling things early?!
Songs of my life
Inspired by Rose
In Order by Auto-Biographical
1) Rockin Robin - Jackson 5
This was the first piece of music I ever owned. I received a child's record player from my grandmother as a gift, and with it a few records. I used to play this record over and over. It made me so happy.
2) Loves Me Like a Rock - Paul Simon
My mother sang a lot. This was one of the songs she sang all the time. Pretty much anything folk music she loved. When I hear it today, I still feel like I'm in my mom's arms as a child being rocked back and forth and being sang to.
3) Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler
This was essentially my first publicly performed song. A few friends and I went to the fair and tried our hand at the recording booth. Of course, I butchered it, but to this day I still try to sing it to see if I've gotten any better.
4) If I Could Change The World - Eric Clapton
This was the only song Rob and I could agree to for our wedding dance. Ironically enough, and perhaps I should have taken notice of it, the dj ended up losing all his music and we ended up dancing to some country song instead.
5) All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun - Cheryl Crow
During my brief stint at ASU, this song was on the radio all the time. I used to drive to school each day with the window rolled down and singing at the top of my lungs, in complete agreement with Cheryl.
6) Typical Situation - Dave Mathews
When I worked at a construction company, I had about an hour and a half drive each way every day. I listened to a lot of Dave Mathews and I just thought this song was beautiful. This entire album was great.
9) Father of Mine - Everclear
Anyone who knows me, knows my daddy issues. Whenever this song came on the radio, I would nod my head in agreement and curse my father by singing the lyrics and driving fast.
10) Say It Ain't So - Weezer
"My love is a lifetaker"...need I say more?
11) How To Save A Life - The Fray
This song hit me right as I was leaving Rob and after I left Rob. It reminded me so much of what I had been through. All the angst, the trying...
12) I'm Still Your Fag - Broken Social Scene
I was a little leary of posting this one. Many people might get the wrong impression, but this is essentially the song associated with my closest friend. When I first met him, I thought he was gay. Actually I still wonder. :-)
12) You're Gonna Lose That Girl - The Beatles
I guess now that I'm kind of on the market again, this song is somewhat dedicated to my ex. He should've listened to John.
In Order by Auto-Biographical
1) Rockin Robin - Jackson 5
This was the first piece of music I ever owned. I received a child's record player from my grandmother as a gift, and with it a few records. I used to play this record over and over. It made me so happy.
2) Loves Me Like a Rock - Paul Simon
My mother sang a lot. This was one of the songs she sang all the time. Pretty much anything folk music she loved. When I hear it today, I still feel like I'm in my mom's arms as a child being rocked back and forth and being sang to.
3) Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler
This was essentially my first publicly performed song. A few friends and I went to the fair and tried our hand at the recording booth. Of course, I butchered it, but to this day I still try to sing it to see if I've gotten any better.
4) If I Could Change The World - Eric Clapton
This was the only song Rob and I could agree to for our wedding dance. Ironically enough, and perhaps I should have taken notice of it, the dj ended up losing all his music and we ended up dancing to some country song instead.
5) All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun - Cheryl Crow
During my brief stint at ASU, this song was on the radio all the time. I used to drive to school each day with the window rolled down and singing at the top of my lungs, in complete agreement with Cheryl.
6) Typical Situation - Dave Mathews
When I worked at a construction company, I had about an hour and a half drive each way every day. I listened to a lot of Dave Mathews and I just thought this song was beautiful. This entire album was great.
9) Father of Mine - Everclear
Anyone who knows me, knows my daddy issues. Whenever this song came on the radio, I would nod my head in agreement and curse my father by singing the lyrics and driving fast.
10) Say It Ain't So - Weezer
"My love is a lifetaker"...need I say more?
11) How To Save A Life - The Fray
This song hit me right as I was leaving Rob and after I left Rob. It reminded me so much of what I had been through. All the angst, the trying...
12) I'm Still Your Fag - Broken Social Scene
I was a little leary of posting this one. Many people might get the wrong impression, but this is essentially the song associated with my closest friend. When I first met him, I thought he was gay. Actually I still wonder. :-)
12) You're Gonna Lose That Girl - The Beatles
I guess now that I'm kind of on the market again, this song is somewhat dedicated to my ex. He should've listened to John.
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