Road Trip!!!

Well I finally managed to escape the office. For the last seven days all my spare time has been taken up working. Special project...there's always a freakin SPECIAL PROJECT!!! Geez!! By the amount of projects they label 'special' you'd think I work for NASA or something.

Everything is going better at home. This next three days off should help. And being away from home should help too. Just needed to relax a little. Okay, so I brought the laptop AND I made a promise to my boss I would bring it...but I didn't get any emails from work since I left. So that's reassuring. Everyone got bug-eyed at work when I told them I was leaving for the weekend though.

As a matter of fact my boss said the company was going to compensate me for my time on this project. When I asked her how, she started by replying, "Time off on the weekend..." I started cracking up. I responded, "Oh, so I get a weekend off from working, huh?" It was quite funny.

Anyway, she admitted that they were thinking of getting me a weekend away at a local hotel. That sounds nice. Maybe they'll throw in a massage too? Ya think? Yeah, I'm not placing any bets.

Everyone have a good Memorial Day weekend!!!

So Much to Say and So Little Time to Say It

What happened this weekend? Well...

Friday ran errands and worked.

Saturday cleand house, worked, went shopping, worked, went shopping, had BBQ, and crashed out.

Sunday went to Weight Watchers, had breakfast, worked, had lunch with mom and grandma, worked until 2 a.m.

Today I am VERY tired, but feel like I got a lot accomplished.

As far as grandma is concerned...long story short, she is going to a group home, which quite frankly is where she really needs to be. The entire family has bent over backwards (head in ass style) for her the last few years. She got a few extra years at home and now it's time. She need assistance round the clock and there are other family issues, so...

Anyway, we're staying at where we're at. Now I have to work some more.

Caio!

You Guys Crack Me Up!!!

So the last few days have been hectic. We've almost set all the plans in place to move to grandma's. And work is working me like a dog! (Special projects...bleh!)

Anyway, hardly any time to update, but as soon as things are settled again, I'll give a holler.

Gentlemen...

If you want good nookie with your wife, then don't tell her that her hair makes her look like her grandma.

She'll obsess over it for days, wanting to chop off her hair, ending up with a haircut that's not much different than what she already had because her hair was already too short and then wondering why she spent the $20 to make it look the same.

THEN if you're really lucky she'll start obsessing over the over things you've mentioned such as the fact she doesn't dress sexy enough, or she's too prickly (which quite frankly she tries not to be but can't shave every frickin day because then she ends up with bumps and cuts and why is it every day you chose to have sex is the day she's prickly and not smooth?!?!?!)

*sigh*

Good Lord!!

I am so freakin tired!!

Hubby and I were up late last night discussing potential future plans. His grandma's roommate has become worthless, so MIL (mom in law to you new bloggers), announced she's putting gramma in a group home. Gramma can't get up without assistance right now and is home alone most of the time.

Well, hubby and I thought about it and decided we would offer to live there again. It would give a few more years at home with gramma, and some financial help to us.

Hubby and I are okay with that, with one exception...someone would need to be home with gramma during the day when we're working. MIL told us she would bring someone in for about three hours each day. But upon further consideration we just don't think it's safe for gramma to be alone for six hours.

So we're going to have to call MIL back and discuss it. Best case scenario...they agree and hire someone 8 hours a day to come in. Worst case...we stay here and gramma goes into a group home (which quite honestly is where I think she should be anyway...24 hour care, meals, friends)

*sigh*

BTW, didn't call other grandma (I know I'm such a wuss and she hasn't called back) and we're meeting MILs on Sunday for some form of meal.

Electronic Relationships are the best!!!

I've been shirking my familial duties as daughter and granddaughter.

My mom and grandma are cool about it, but I'm somewhat dreading tomorrow. With everything going on in life lately, I'm just not very social. I'm like a hermit crab, I just want to retreat and have everyone leave me alone.

My mom and grandma are cool though, like I said. The issue I have is with another family member. And for selfish reasons.

My dad's mother has been calling again. By all means, she's much better than my dad, but maaaannn, they have that guilt thing down pat. I've been avoiding her calls because I know going over there means I'll have to do the whole apologetic thing, make excuses, and avoid discussing my non-existant relationship with my father.

Like I said...selfish reasons.

Of course, everyday that passes by I feel more and more guilty because here's a woman trying to pursue a relationship. She's actually interested in me, loves me, which is a lot more than I can say for my dad.

Another reason why I just want to hide out tomorrow is because hubby's paycheck didn't come today. His boss was supposed to pay him on Friday, but once again...he said he would mail it. It worked last Saturday, but today no money. And I have bills, and mother's day gifts.

I know, I need to grow up. I'm a horrible procrastinator. Always have been. Probably always will.

But talking about this with you guys makes me feel better. I'll probably go over to my mom's tomorrow. Don't know what I'll do about my dad's mom yet. I'll call her eventually, but if I call tomorow...wait a second. Maybe that's why she's been calling lately...I figured it had something to do with mother's day, but in all likliehood my dad will be there tomorrow (which is why I want to avoid it). I wonder if she's scheming to get us back together?

I refuse to talk to that man!! Did I tell that even my own psychologist told me to avoid him? Anyway...we'll see.

Have a Happy Mother's Day everyone!!

Stupid brain! Stupid heart!

Okay, I feel somewhat better (although still very tired.)

I had a talk over with my boss and I really do feel better. What is it about venting to someone that makes you feel better?

I really need to figure this out though. Why am I always so ticked at hubby? He's actually a good hubby. I do love him. I guess I'm just at a point in my life in which I need a little romance, and quite a frankly that's what I've been getting -- a little, miniscule really.

*sigh*

Anyway, don't fear. I think most emotions are magnified by the blog writer's thoughts. You usually look back at an emotional entry and think to yourself, "Whoa! What the heck was I thinking?!"

Anyway, have a good Friday everyone!!

BTW, Best 'The office' ever last night!!

Broken

At least that's what I feel like today. Completely and utterly broken.

Hubby has been trying to be sweet, but he just gets on my nerves to no end. I come home (after he's been home all day) and the house is a mess. He did clean out the refrig, but come on dude! The house extends beyond the refigerator.

I feel like I only get attention (or at least primarily) when he wants sex. Only he uses cute little euphemisms like "snuggle" which drives me nuts. Because I'd love to just spend time together as opposed to me fending him off all the time.

And he's sooo crass. He's always talking about sex, or saying something base in nature. It drives me nuts. I ask him not to do something and he continues to do it.

I'm at wits end. I don't know what to do. And I feel horrible because I know he's somewhat trying. He is trying to be nice.But he drives me freakin nuts. I feel like I'm married to a 10 year old. Okay, 15 year old.

Maybe I should try to talk seriously to him. It just seems when I do try to talk he's off in hubby-land in his own little mind. It doesn't seem like he really listens at all.

I don't know. Man! I need a cigarette!!

Wednesday already, huh?

I love doing things in my life, but damn if I'm not tired all the time.

So some friends came over last night. R&K plus another friend, J. R came over to teach me guitar. I was surprised at how much easier its getting. He even taught me part of a song that I didn't recognize.

Then we kicked it for a little while and talked and socialized. man, I'm really off my game today. I better update later.

Can't .... talk ... need ... caffeine...

I really don't deserve you guys...

Thank you for all the words of encouragement. Hubby and I did make up.

Sunday was nice. Went out with a couple of friends, cleaned house, and waited around for some more friends. They never showed up but at least I got the chance to chill out and relax.

I have almost finished my first strip in Illustrator. Hubby has been showing me around the application, so I don't have to manually, well, errr, pen everything. It's much easier to copy/paste/tweak. So perhaps once I finish the first one, I'll give you guys a peek.

Practicing the guitar. I think it is coming somewhat easier. I'm glad I'm doing these things. I just wish I wasn't so psycho lately. It's just an emotional roller coaster.

I am trying to focus on getting things more together. I just can't walk around all angry and butt hurt all the time. (I know it's a rather crass term, but I just think its appropriate.)

Anyway, I have to go again. Thanks again!!! (Hmmm, I was going to try to combine the term blog buddies, but it just wouldn't come out right. Go ahead, try it...)

Went Crazy This Morning

I went insane on my husband this morning. I think part of it was what he did, but I openly admit that I made it worse than it really was.

Here's what happened:

Obvisouly most of you know that life has been a little stressful lately. But on top of that, well I thought perhaps I was pregnant. Hoping, really. I had all the symptoms, tired and my boobs were sensitive. But I kept on telling myself, "You've been through this before. It doesn't mean anything." Yet, I still found myself feeling myself up about every hour to ensure the symptoms were still there.

The real test was supposed to come on Monday. So I kept telling myself to hold out and wait. But apparently there was a part of me that really wanted this to be true. I could feel it. A part of me really believed this may be it.

This morning I woke up and it was all over.

Feeling a bit under the weather both emotionally and physically, I went to go lay on the couch. Hubby got up soon thereafter and came into the living room. This is how it progressed:

Hubby: "Good morning. Could you go get coffee for us?" (Our french press is brokwn, so we've been going out all week for coffee.)

Me: "I'm not feeling well. So could you go get the coffee?"

Hubby: (gives me a look) "Well, you want to come with me? We'll go together?"

Me: (giving a look right back) "I just told you I wasn't feeling well, so...no."

Hubby: "Fine." (walks around a little, and I start feeling a bit guilty, so I offer up...)

Me: "Okay I'll go with you."

Hubby: "Quiktrip?"

Me: (giving another look) "I just told you I'm not feeling well. I'm not getting out of the car."

Hubby: "Well then why'd you offer to go? If you're not feeling well then stay at home."

Me: "Fine, I'm staying home."

So hubby leaves. Now, understand. Every morning for the past week, he gets us at least two coffees. He didn't ask me what I wanted, so I assumed he was getting the usual (I know, you assume...) , but I didn't think it was that far of a stretch.

He returns. One coffee and one bag.

Me: "You didn't get me any coffee?"

Hubby: "Ohhhhh, you wanted some? You should have told me. Here, I got this croissant sandwich for you."

Me thinking: Yeah, right. Me saying: "No, I wanted a coffee."

Him: "Well then you should have asked. I didn't know you wanted a coffee..."

And it went drastically downhill from there. Apparently even the roommate said he's never seen me that angry. I was pisssed. (Yes, so pissed it warrants three s's, maybe more.)

Part of it was just aggrvation in that whenever I'm not feeling well, it feels like I'm the only offering up to take care of me. He's selfish. Yes, that was part of the argument. I ended crying my eyes out in the drive-through at Starbucks, and came to the realization that although I may have been pissed at hubby, for good reason, the whole reason why it turned out so bad, is because yet again...I'm not pregnant.

Who knows if I ever will be? Do you know how hard it is to live life having your heart broken and your hopes shattered every twenty-four days? All my life, I've just wanted a child. I envisioned the day people would come up to me and say, "She has your eyes." or "He has your smile."

What if that can never come to fruition? We spoken about adopting, but there's always the fear, "What if I don't love that child the way I would've loved a biological child?" It's just honest. That fear.

And what about all the crap we'll have to go through in the meantime? The hormones, the tests, all that crap!!

Anyway, I am feeling a bit better know. Just bummed. There's just so much going on in life, I feel like Atlas. Only I'm getting crushed under all the weight.

What the freakin hell?!?!

It just keeps coming. Let me review the past month for you...

- Mother fractured hip...required surgery.
- Her roommate fractured hip...required surgery.
- Brother busted with drugs...twice. Still waiting for them to haul him away.
- Husband having difficulty at work. Granted it's contract work, but two days a week is not going to cut it bill wise.

This morning we got a call from SIL (sis-in-law). Apparently hubby's mom's husband had an epilectic seizure (not the first time), however fell and split his head right open. He's now in the hospital unconscious.

*sigh*

What the fuck?! Whoever coined the phrase, "When it rains, it pours" should be awarded some kind of freakin world medal, because it is totall freakin true.

Aside from that, I find myself tired and impatient. I am learning guitar and trying to get things done at home, but once I get home, I just want to sleep. Bleh!!

Anyway, take care everyone. Hope your side of the world is going better than on my side of the world.

Less Blogging = More Life

Busy was the word for this weekend. Let's see, how shall we start off?

Friday
Our division had an annual meeting. Free food, a few speeches, and three games of bowling. (Today I found out I won high scratch score for ladies.) That was fun.

Saturday
Woke up early Saturday morning...on my own. Cleaned house. Received call from mom. Brother found with major prescription drugs stolen from mother and mother's roommate on school campus. Cops coming Monday. Not good to say the least. In addition, he's two months shy of his 18th birthday and one month shy of graduating from high school. If they try him, they most likely try him as an adult. Promised mom I would call back Sunday to discuss.

That night I got to meet a friend's boyfriend. Out of respect for my friend I won't go into details, but let's just say it didn't go too well.

After that, on my way home a couple of other friends called and we ended up at 5 & Diner. I was freakin starving. We hung out for a few hours, then I went home, read a romance book, then went to bed.

Sunday
Went to WW. Gained 1.2 pounds. Went to Denny's with a friend. Then came home, and talked to said friend above about last night's events. Then 5 & Diner friends came over to give me my very first official guitar lesson. Nails got in the way...so aftwerwards, I had them removed. Tips, people! Geez!!

Then came home, ran some errands, and fell asleep during Family Guy. Thank God for Tivo!!

Anyway, that was the shortened version. I'm freakin exhausted but happy. Talk to ya all later!!