You may not hear from me for awhile....

I don't know how to better sum it up than what I wrote my roommates in an email today:

I don’t know. I’m in a conundrum. I’ve been really depressed
lately. And I’ve been trying to work out why that is. I think you were right the
other night. I’m just a personality that needs to be needed. And now, that you
guys are busy and everyone else is busy, I’ve been feeling a little unneeded.
But…

I think it’s good. I think I actually need that. I’ve spent
fifteen years of my life constantly catering to other people’s needs that I have
no idea about my own. Or who I am. I’m thinking what I actually need is the
opposite of what I’ve been trying to accomplish, which is trying to find new
friends, a new boyfriend, finding things to do.

I think what I
actually need is just time alone. Time to rediscover myself and figure out who I
am without trying to provide for others. I’m just not sure how I’m going to
accomplish this considering my plate is so full right now. But what I need is to
just be by myself for awhile.

Or maybe I’m just crazy and looking
for answers anywhere I can find them. I just know that I’m just not myself right
now and I have no idea how to get back there.