Blog Sucks

Yeah, I know. I was reading through some past entries, and man!! I suck lately. I mean REALLY suck!!! Talk about depressing. Glad ya'all have stayed away from sharp implements while reading that crap.

Sorry about that.

Things will get better. I promise you...

What in the hell was I thinking?

So Blueberry posted a pic, and I thought I would to. I took it then went to size it down and saw another pic while I was opening it. Pre-haircut. That fucking hairstylist!!! She really butchered me. Auuugghhh!!!!!

Pre haircut

Post haircut

Exhausting, life is.

I'm just plain tired.

I do feel better. Eating healthy and drinking more water. I think this week is going to be good for the ol' weight loss.

However, I've been taking care of a lot of things lately. Cats to vet, grocery shopping, fixing meals, driving hubby around, and a massive project at work I completed yesterday. It's just a lot to do.

However, I still feel like I'm doing enough.

Leaving for work today, I noticed the massive pile of dishes in the sink. We leave before Blueberry, so I kind of felt bad about leaving them there. I hope she doesn't do them before we get home today. I'd be racked with guilt. But there just wasn't time this morning.

For any man out there, welcome to woman's world. An environment racked with guilt over the things we are not able to accomplish. Men can easily look at a pile of dirty dishes and think, "Eh, they'll get done eventually. I'm gonna watch the game."

Women, we think, "Oh shit. More dirty dishes. It never stops, but it has to be done. Oh and picking up the kids, grocery shopping, laundry...when's the last time the refrigerator was cleaned? Oh shit! And someone is coming over tonight, time to do some massive cleaning. Guess Sex and the City can wait. *sigh*"

Perhaps I am stereotyping a bit, but I have yet to meet a woman with the same level of guilt as a mans.

Well time to go do reporting, and make some calls, and some other stuff. *sigh*

Lent

Okay, so hubby and I normally don't go to church (lately) and we're not Catholics. But we're Lutherans, so close enough. Plus, both of us believe in the old tradition of giving something up for Lent. Not just any old something, but something you truly love and desire.

I remember grandmother always giving up chocolate for Lent. I think she's been doing this for well over 20 years now.

Hubby and I? Well we've only practiced this one year so far. It was a while ago too. But we successfully gave up television for the entire Lent. We actually felt better for it too. The first few days were difficult but it became easier and easier.

So this year? Well hubby and I have decided to stop eating out. Believe me, this is REALLY difficult for us. I must eat out for lunch at work at least 3 times per week. At least. And we must go out for dinner at least, at very minimum, 3 times per week. It's a bad addiction.

But we're giving it up because we know it'll be a struggle. Jesus gave his life for me, so I think I can do without Pei Wei or Cousins for at least a few weeks for him. I know seems slightly unfair. I mean, those turkey subs from Cousins are like to die for.

Feeling Somewhat Better

So I am feeling better. Although I'm still a bit phlemy and my throat still hurts. It just hurts more at some times during the day than others. Oh, and my doctor called me yesterday afternoon (after I had been there last Monday) and said I have a small infection. Oh joy! So he called in some antibiotics for me that I have to take for the next three days. Bleh!

But I am feeling better.

So this morning, after dropping hubby off, I'm driving to work and I end up behind this couple going 40 in a 40 mph zone. Big mistake. No one wanted to be behind them but the next lane wasn't going much faster. At least not enough for me to pass them.

So I kept saying to myself, "Patience, patience. It's okay. Just wait it out."

Eventually I could wait no more, so I got in the other lane. I was still going fairly slow and at one point we got stopped at a red light which put me waaaayyy behind. But I kept on repeating my mantra.

After the 2nd red light, I see a chance to get ahead. What happens?! The fucker cuts me off without a blinker. Cuts...Me...Off!!!! Like there was less than a car's length between me and the next car when he decided to get between. And what's worse?! He doesn't make a turn after he cuts me off.

I'm willing to forgive if someone has to make a turn, but this jackass just kept going. and slowly.

Finally I got the chance to cut THAT motherfucker off with a whole new mantra, "Mother-fucker, son of a bitch!! I was patient. I was nice. And YOU had to be an asshole. Take that, jerkoff!!"

Have a nice day!

Frustration

I am so fuckin' done with this stupid ass cold. Spent most of the night trying to get to sleep. Augh!!

Still feel congested, a tickle in my throat. Now I feel nauseous (I think because of the coffee I had this a.m.) and still light-headed.

I envisualize myself saying to this damn cold: "Enough already!! Just go away!!!" So I guess I can add "crazy" to my list of symptoms.

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Other than that, well I guess there is nothing. I keep thinking of things throughout the day, but bleh! I keep forgetting them. Stupid cold!!

I may schedule an appt with the Dr soon, if this keeps up. Maybe next Monday. Bleh!

Sorry my posts haven't been to exciting. BUSH SUCKS!! There...is that better??

Keep on keeping on.

How I'm Doing?

Well, I have the following going on:

- Plugged up ear(s) sporadically
- Congestion sporadically
- Sore throat mostly in the a.m.
- Tons of mucus
- Lightheaded and a bit dizzy
- Gassy
- And an intense desire to be pregnant

Now I believe most of these are due to a slight cold and/or allergies. Plus a relative is supposed to come visit in a couple of days.

But I'm in the mindfuck once again of second guessing everything that happens to my body. I'll just leave it at that.

Other than that, just trying to keep my mind on other things. Keeping busy. A little pissed that I'm working while feeling like shit, but I'll survive.

How are you?

Better, but not quite there yet

After doses of Dayquil, Nyquil, Sucrets, and Benedryl, Sudafed finally did the trick. I woke up today and didn't feel like I was talking through a bubble. Finally my ear is unplugged!!! Well not completely, but it's not nearly as annoying as it was. And now I'm not dreading going deaf. So that's good.

This weekend was busy, and annoying, and interesting...

Let's see...

Saturday went to Weight Watchers with Blueberri. I lost about .2 pounds. I was so upset. But...well, if you want to know more check out our "Interesting Things I've Eaten" blog. At least I'm still losing.

Saturday afternoon I went to lunch with one of my old Devry buddies. I think quite frankly she's one of the most well put together people I know. She seems to know what she wants and isn't afraid to say the truth. So we had a good time. Discussing all sorts of things. I told her about the issues the man and I have had. We joked about the gorgeousity of firemen and discussed the merits of each actor on Lost.

Saturday night Blueberri, hubby, two common friends, and I went to the Phoenix Addy awards. We knew Blueberri and hubby were to win awards, we just didn't know which ones. Lemme just say...I was disgusted.

The event was poorly planned. First of all Blueberri purchased 4 tickets before she was told that the school her and hubby went to purchased tickets for them. So we had an extra 3 tickets. We invited two friends and left the third one unused. So let me recap: we had 6 spots reserved and only brought 5 people.

We get to the awards dinner, and explained the situation. To which we receive this reponse: "Oh I was gonna give you your money back. I only found out yesterday that the school purchased your tickets, so I assumed you didn't need the others."

Okay first, big fat blatant lie. If that were true, you'd still have the spots open. Second, you should have called, (expletetive!).

So she tells our friends that there's no room at our table (even though we explained that the 3rd person wasn't showing up and therefore there would be at least one opening at the table) and they would have to sit at two seperate tables...alone. *coughBitchcough*

So we tell them, "Come sit with us at our table, we already have one open spot. So we just need to find another one."

Well apparently the lady from their school had a shit fit about this. Even though we found a person at the table to switch. As luck had it, the table one of our friends was given had his girlfriend at the table. So he was happy to switch. So lessee, one empty chair + one swicthed chair = 2 chairs we had already purchased anyway.

And the bitch still had the nerve to approach one of our friends and tell them they needed to move. Fucking bitch! We payed for these tickets, we're still getting shorted one and everyone is treating us like 2nd class citizens. Fucking school, and fucking graphic design group.

I hate associations. These things are a joke. *sigh*

Anyway, we headed to 5 & Diner afterwards and bitched and complained about the whole affair. They fucked up Blueberri's award. Both of their awards were s poorly put together they were falling apart. Pictures of their work wasn't in the award book. And the roommates name, which hubby has put down as a co-designer for the work they got an award for, wasn't on the award.

Idiots!

Whoo, look at the pretty colors!

I really shoudn't have come into work today. I took a DayQuil earlier this morning so I should be good.

I wasn't able to sleep easily last night. But i still got to sleep around 1:30 a.m. Didn't wake up until 7 a.m. I did take NyQuil, but that was like 8 hours ago. Should have definately worn off by now.

I am so freakin loopy. I was wondering if I should have even attempted to drive. Now I sit here at work, wondering how on God's green earth I'm going to focus enough to do work.

I feel like someone gave me a narcotic. Whooo!!! Maybe the caffeine will help.

Well at least it's not all that bad. At least I feel good. Tee, hee, hee.

See ya later gator!!

New Blog

I'm not going to bore you with all the mundane details of my weight loss journey...

on THIS blog.

So if you're interested (I have also invited a couple of buddies who might post too) then go here:

http://adventuresinweightloss.blogspot.com/

Anyone else interested in sharing a new eating regime or weight loss journey, please let me know and I'll add you as a member to my blog.

I Should Have Seen the Signs

Every holiday something goes wrong. I should've known I'd get a cold upon the approach of Valentine's Day.

I still feel like crap, however because the 'man' has no sense of time, I have to come into work to get some 'high priority, last second' reports done. This makes Onyx angry. So angry, it makes Onyx refer to herself in third person.

Yesterday, my Valentine's consisted of the following:

• Woke up to a still burning throat and no desire to get up at all.
• Took hubby to work and then jetted to my own.
• Worked for an hour then took hubby to eye doc appointment.
• While waiting for hubby, played info booth for myriad of old people who don't know how to use 'that internet thingy.'
• Took hubby back home and informed him that he will not go blind, his eyes were just dilated.
• Got hubby lunch, then went back to work.
• Frustration with plugged up ears hit pinnacle and envisioned myself resolving the issue by pushing a pencil through my eardrum.
• Finally gave up and went back home to 'relax'.
• Got dinner for hubby and roommate (thankfully she came along to retain some level of sanity).
• Got home, ate dinner, collasped in a heap on the bed then had 'Baby this is gonna be a great valentine's day because I'm gonna give you good sex' sex. (Don't be fooled, this was obligatory sex, but hey, even obligatory sex is good.

Now I'm back at work, throat still aches. Brought in benadryl but didn't take it as my co-worker made the observation that, "doesn't that stuff make you sleepy?" Yeah, just what I need...to resolve my career dilemma by botching up a corporate report that I was made to complete on my 'sick' day. I don't think they'll take the excuse, "But benedryl made me do it!"

So how was you're VD?

Hello

You've reached Onyx's blog. Onyx isn't here right now as she's hacking and coughing on her living room sofa watching the Olympics while catching up on her Sims game. Should you like to leave a message, go ahead, who's stopping you?! Onyx will return your message as soon as her throat doesn't feel like it's being raked across a newly sharpened cheese grater.

-----------bbbeeeepppppppppp--------

Ups and Downs

I went off the deep end again yesterday. And I brought hubby with me.

We were in the car going home. I had to pick him up to take him to the doctor because his eyes were hurting him. Anyway, we got into a really large argument...well, actually I started screaming at him like a banshee. Then he started getting frustrated and started hitting the dashboard. We both had our windows down so you can imagine the looks we received.

But hey, I'm sick and tired of hiding behind doors. Why do we have to be so perfect in public? Granted I wouldn't do it in the middle of a mall, but I bet a lot of people have more in common with us then they care to admit.

Sometimes when I'm feeling bummed or melancholy, I start looking around at all the people around me and remind myself that they have their closet disorders too. We all do. We all have at least one addiction, embarassing habit, frustrating family member. We're all trying to overcome or forget something.

Media and people would have you beleive that the rest of the population is normal, but believe me, they're just all going around looking at people like you and me and saying, "I wish I had a normal life like that person*."


*Okay maybe not yesterday, but that was my day to look around at everyone else and say that.

I forgot what I was going to write about...

Ugh! This is what happens when you get older. Hubby keeps on asking me about his dry eyes, dry skin, and thicker hair. I don't have the heart to break it to him that we're just getting older.

Like my belly. Stubborn belly fat, I think is what they call it. It's not that much, but there's more than there used to be. And hell, yeah, it's stubborn. Every morning, I just look down and poke it with my finger like a curious kid poking a jellyfish with a stick. I feel like the Pillsbury dough girl sometimes.

With hubby, he's definately gained weight in his belly too. I find it endearing and adorable. I call it "daddy belly" as it seems only dads have this little pooch. But most men find it infuriating.

Just let me set some things down for the record:

• Women - Most men DO NOT like Twiggy-like figures in which having sex could mean putting an eye out. They like a little cushion.
• Men - Women feel the same way. A well-chiseled torso is nice to look at, but your teddy bear like physique is wonderfully comforting and snugglicious.

Yeah, I don't have much to talk about. So, ummm, there. See ya.

Things I Hate

Yes, you've guessed right. It's another shitty day today. It's only 9 a.m. and I'm already in a mood, but we'll discuss that later.

Right now, I figured I'd rant about what I've decided to hate today. The things I hate, or are angry about:

• Our educational system sucks. I'm not sure how I started thinking about this, but I was reflecting back on my educational life. I always received high grades, except when I started to get bored. Even then the only reason why I got slightly lower than great grades was because I didn't do my homework. My tests were always highly scored. I was finally placed in honors my senior year of high school and my first year at ASU. From there? Well I graduated with a Bachelor's in CIS, Magna Cum Laude, not from ASU, but form somewhere else. Where did it get me? Yeah....uh, huh. Me and a million other smarties working for the man, being undercompensated and underutilized. Wheeeee....
• I fucking hate 'the man' now. Don't get me wrong. I think police can be good. They arrest the bad guys. But why does it seem that 10% of their time is getting crooks and the other 90% arresting college kids with a doobie or trying to catch people speeding 5 miles over the speed limit? Are these really crimes? WTF?!
• What happened to courtesy? I hardly ever have doors held open for me anymore. People cut me off. Get angry if I'm in their way. The whole of society seems to have this collective thought that they're the center pf the universe and everyone should cater to them solely. Do you see the fault in this (il)logic?

Anyway, I came to the conclusion of why I am angry, frustrated, depressed lately. See, when I was younger (a period ending only last June of 2005), I had goals, aspirations, and dreams. They consisted of getting my degree, being successful, new car, house, etc...You get the idea.

Now? Well I have all that. My new goal was to have a baby, which I was upset with anyway because it seems to be the one goal I haven't been able to attain.

However, I decided to take a break. And now where am I? My goals as of today are hoping my husband won't always have these issues and that we can have a baby. Oh, and losing weight. How am I doing?

1. I can't control my husband. I can help, but I can't resolve. Really, this is a stupid goal. It's really more of a hope.
2. Having a baby? First of all, not happening until hubby gets better. Secondly, there's no promise we'll be able to. Thirdly, I'm already 30 and that clocks a pounding hard core.
3. Losing weight. Seems easy enough, right? I'm been strictly adhering to diet and let me say...I think I've gained half a pound. In addition to last week's slight gain, I'm mortified. Will this fuckin weight ever come off?

Well I gotta go. Cheers!

It's the little things

Someone actually told me that they could see I had lost a lot of weight today!!! Thank goodness!! It's about damn time. (giggle)

Today has been fairly good. My diet has been going very well since Blueberry and I made a certain deal. Eating has been getting much easier. Today I ate real well. (Although I still haven't been drinking enough water.) But hey, baby steps.

Life is getting better

I think it's part due to what I call my 'therapy' on the way to pick up my husband at work. It includes the following:

• Blast Weezer to glass shattering decibels and sing along while mocking drum playing on steering wheel.
• Take small joy from knowing Weezer blasted annoys the crap out of the snobby Scottsdale people.
• Rev engine on especially jammin drum or guitar solos.
• Secretly flip off Scottsdale people who annoy me by going 10 miles under the speed limit or who cut me off because they're too busy focusing on their cell phones or primping their hair.
• Give a nod to the decent people on the road who have to put up with the snobby people's shit too.

Very simple regimen, but it helps.

I used to want to live in Snottsdale, that was until I had to drive in it. People there are so freakin pompous. They think they own the road in their little BMWs and Mercedes Benz. Fuckers!! they cut off people and drive around those trying to make a left when they should be stopped anyway.

Well that's it for today. Got tons of work. Until then...if you want to destroy my sweater, oh, ohhh, oh, ohhhh...

Bad Sentence of the Day

Can someone explain this sentence to me? Is it just me?

State Forester Kirk Rowdabaugh said as a result of the dry
weather, moisture within fuels, which can inhibit burning, has diminished to
levels not usually seen until the end of July.

Sunday Freakout Day

I checked to see if yesterday was a full moon, but apparently I have no excuse for my freak out yesterday.

When I say freak-out, I mean I freaked the fuck out of myself and everyone around me yesterday. I had a breakdown.

I am doing better today. I still feel the effects of the stress, however. I'm not my usual happy go lucky self. Life has just been overwhelming.

A lot of it has to do with my husband who's going through a rough patch at this time, though not his fault. because of this undue stress, trying to take care of him, myself, the house, my work, I had a freaking breakdown. It was bad.

On top of things, his mother pisses me the fuck off. She had the audacity to call and tell him, she's stressed. I told him that she can take of of herself and she's selfish because she never gives a shit about him. To which he replied...well better not. Sorry blueberry, but I think he'd be pissed if I shared. But she's so self-absorbed sometimes, it's not even funny.

On a lighter note, another thing to add to my list of weird...

We have a gay couple living across the street..that's so weird, huh? No just kidding. They just redid their lawn into a desert like theme. The oddest thing? We were driving by at night. And well lit up, better than any other plant or decoration on their lawn, is this obelisk-like rock, very falic in nature, all lit up like Christmas. Hmmm....

Anyway, thanks everyone for your kind words. Like I said, it's a phase. I think I hit my low point, so it should be better here on out.

Loves and laughter.

Weird Stuff

I've seen a few odd things the past few days. Not sure if it's a full moon or what, but so far I've seen:

- I stopped off at Walgreens today and the checkout lady had various personal pieces of flair. Among them were a large button that read: "Ask me about our low liquor prices". Located immediately above that pin was a cross and another christian symbol.

- While picking up hubby from work yesterday, I saw a coyote. it was the sweetest thing. I watched it for about five minutes before it decided to turn around and leave.

- While driving in this morning, I was behind a Porshe Boxster with a personalized license plate saying "Boxster". Obviously this guy loves his car, however he was doing 35 in a 40MPH zone. Why get the car?

I guess that's not too many instances. Can't think of anything else, other than the group of woman voters we passed by in a glass room the other day. About half of them had their hands raised while we were passing by. hubby and I figured it was appropriate. It must be like an AA meeting for women who can't help but have an opinion on everything. We envisoned the entire meeting to be nothing but voting on mundane issues, "Okay, who likes brownies? Uh, huh. And who likes cake? Hmmm, I see. Politics? No, that's much too serious for this group. Now, who uses doilies?"

Random Thoughts Part Duex

Hubby and I were driving around yesterday when we found the following taxi cab service:

Dur Dur Taxi

Need I say more?

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I watched a little Bush last night. (No, you pervert! The President!) And he was spouting forth crap about health savings plan. Ummm, excuse me, Mr. President...

Ford just laid off thousands of people, General Mills just announced mass layoffs too. Aside from the fact that the people who need your help the most don't even have money to put aside for "health savings", much less any "savings", what makes you think anyone in this economy (which, by the way, REEEAAALLLLYYYY sucks) would be willing to fork over their money into an account that they can not use for emergencies, will have to fork over the cash in the first place when necessary, THEN be reimbursed weeks later, and run the risk of losing what's left of it at the end of the year because dat's da rules!

Excuse me, if I don't want to end up running to Walgreens at midnight on New Years Eve buying 200 boxes of aspirin just so's I don't lose my money. MY money. MY fucking hard earned money. Screw the tax break man!

Fucking Bush...

By the way, also telling professionals who can't find a job, to go back to school, incur more debt, and add another at least $100k to their already enormous school loans on no promise of a job upon 2nd graduation while trying to support a family....IS REALLY FUCKED UP!!! You prissy, old fart who has no CLUE how the real world works. I have two words for you Mr. President....

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

Whew! Okay, I'm done. I'm gonna go cool off by running some reports and wonder what Jefferson would think if he had ever seen Bush Jr inaction. Did I say "inaction"? Oh, lol...yeah that's what I meant. Texas fucker.

Life Goes in Waves

Sometimes you're enormously happy, and sometimes you're extremely bummed.

Apparently this is my bummed time. And unfortunately I can't tell you why. But I also realize that this is a temporary thing. I will get through it. (Just like you will have to deal with the fact that I start sentences with But and And.)

I am doing better than I was doing yesterday. Life has somewhat progressed. Yet, I still feel maudalin. But that's okay.

I feel that perhaps we humans (you know, as opposed to ocean life, wtf? Anyway...) sometimes turn away from the emotions that are not only inherent in our nature, but are key to repairing and moving forward.

Granted no one really enjoys being depressed. But somehow if I allow myself to be depressed, completely engulfed in the misery, I seem to get through it much more quickly and thoroughly then if I don't.

Perhaps each person is different, but that's the way I work. Confusion, frustration, depression, and then I either kick ass or move on. Sometimes, I kick my own ass. Either way, it's action.

So just bear in mind. My mental status is currently under construction, but stay tuned for the grand reopening.